Link to Marie Claire Magazine, Changemakers issue, featuring Sena

As I mentioned before, Sena, is featured in Marie Claire Magazine April 2020, Changemakers issue, alongside 4 other amazing young women, all environmental activists. Read the full article here: https://www.marieclaire.com/career-advice/a31097928/female-environmentalists-2020/

Some pics from the article, all courtesy of Marie Claire Magazine.

Peace

Happy Easter if you celebrate, and Happy Day if you don't

Because the smallest

And the most vulnerable things 

Will prove to be our saviors

In the toughest of times 

-RM

Peach trimmings left behind from our orchardist pruning the peach trees this morning.

Peace 

For my mom and anyone else who likes farmy stuff

My mom says that she checks my blog every morning, and that seeing pictures of the animals, flowers, and other farmy stuff, makes her happy. So here's a 37 second collage I put together for her and anyone else who's interested. I hope you enjoy it:

https://youtu.be/0zWCPaW-Xlo

Thank you, Bernie!

You have changed the conversation in this country. You have shown more courage and integrity than anyone I've seen in politics. You have inspired and given hope to many of us.

Many hearts are broken now; I don't see my teenage daughter cry too often, but she cried when you suspended your campaign. Because you gave her hope.

Our kids need hope; hope for their future, that they will not be left with insurmountable environmental problems that will threaten their lives to a level unseen before.

Know that your ideas have taken root and will live on in many people's hearts and actions.

Peace

Attune

Though at the edge of all uncertainty
Love waits to show the way
Yet how to know her?
Attune yourself,
And you will see

And another amazing Morcheeba: Enjoy the Ride

Peace

Ed's making ventilators!

This is what Ed and his team at Fraunhofer USA have been working on over the past 3 weeks: making ventilators. Ed is amazing at making useful things, a true engineer:
https://youtu.be/yS52pn0Hl6Y

Peace

The journey in between

Because of Feynman.

Peace

(Image source: Pixabay)

Another kind of fear

Right now, many of us are afraid of getting sick, or our loved ones getting sick. We are afraid of losing our jobs and not being able to provide for our families, pay our bills, or live the same lifestyle as before. We are afraid of what society, the economy, politics, etc. will look like when this is all over, and what that will mean for us. And, underlying all these fears, there's another fear, less obvious and less easy to pinpoint - a sort of existential anxiety.

Now that most, if not all, of our daily structures have been turned upside down - our jobs, our schedules, our daily routines - some uncomfortable questions rises: Who are we without these things? Who are we outside of these things? Just who are we, and what is our role here?

Are we fully defined within the confines of these societal structures we have just lost? And if not, what else is there?

How do we feel about ourselves now that we're not as busy or "productive" as we were a few weeks ago? Do we feel less valuable, and if so, how do we define value?

These are tough questions, but also fun questions, I think, and liberating as well. Uncomfortable as these questions may be, I think we should be at least a little bit grateful for this opportunity to face them as a society. Because once we face them honestly, I do believe that there will be a new level of clarity, a sort of freshness to help us move forward when we are ready.

Peace

I want to share something that moved me very much recently...

I want to share something that moved me very much recently, and that reinforced the ideas that: one, to give is our deepest wish and privilege; and two, goodness, kindness and beauty survive, and indeed are made stronger, in the harshest conditions.

A few days ago, I received a phone call from a man named G. He left a message saying that he heard I was going teach Physics and he was wondering if I was interested in him sharing his materials with me. He is a retired Physics teacher.

I called him back, and before we got into anything, he warned me that he has a degenerative condition which makes him cough uncontrollably. With that out of the way, we started to talk about Physics, his career and mine.

Soon enough, the first coughing fit came on. It sounded absolutely awful. A very violent cough that lasted for too long. We continued talking and he had another one, after which I said that I felt so bad for him, and that it sounded like the cough was so exhausting. He said that it is exhausting, and you could hear it in his voice, and his whole demeanor.

He said that he has a kind of fibrosis in his lungs, which makes it hard for him to breathe, and on top of that, he's got this awful cough. He coughed again, at which point, I felt bad for keeping him on the phone, as it really sounded like the cough was weakening him a lot. 

Still, he wanted to share with me what he had, and described his materials in quite a bit of detail. I told him that I'd be grateful to have anything he wanted to share, and that it would help me a lot in preparing my curriculum as a teacher. We got off the phone with the understanding that he'll be sending me his lecture materials and labs.

I was very moved, and have been thinking about him ever since our conversation. I am particularly moved that despite this terrible physical challenge he's dealing with, and despite the extra anxiety the current Corona situation must be creating for him, being elderly and with a lung condition, he took the time to reach out to me, a complete stranger, and help me out by sharing his life's work, which will undoubtedly be of great use to me. I told him, and I truly hope, that it gives him some satisfaction and comfort, knowing that whatever he is passing on to me will be put to good use and greatly appreciated.

I am so grateful to G., not only for the materials he's sharing with me, but also for the reminder that  goodness and kindness survive in the harshest conditions.

Peace

What scares me

What scares me a lot is when I hit those states of mind and of being where I just cannot see the beauty any more. It's like a light is extinguished and I can't see or feel anything other than my own heaviness.

I found this to be triggered by being around certain people or somehow getting into certain moods, especially fear, which suddenly take away my ability to see and feel, and everything becomes drab and I am numb. Maybe you've experienced that too.

What helps me in those situations is going outside to get some fresh air, music, reading something authentic, in which I recognize that I'm not alone, and being around certain people that can handle heaviness, that have their own experience with it, are not afraid of it, are not ashamed to allow it, and can also laugh about it.

I just wanted to share that.

Here are some pictures from today of my work from home space and a beautiful azalea.

A few small things to bring beauty and light to your day

Many people are overwhelmed by the suffering and uncertainty that's taking place all over the world right now. I think it's really important to keep those who are suffering in our hearts and minds, and to do whatever we can to help, even if that means just staying home.

But let's not forget to also keep our hearts open to all the beauty that is around us everywhere, with the arrival of spring, and to all the goodness and kindness demonstrated by people all around the world, especially those working in the medical field right now.

I hope these pictures and this link to Morcheeba's Rome wasn't built in a day bring you some lightness today.

Peace

Randomness and accident in pattern

What we call "accident" is as crucial to the development of everything that exists in Nature as the structure of the most incontrovertible law. 

The image is a screenshot of a frequency vs time graph of a humpback whale song recording. It is beautiful, soothing and otherworldly, and you can hear it here:

https://dosits.org/galleries/audio-gallery/marine-mammals/baleen-whales/humpback-whale/?vimeography_gallery=12&vimeography_video=226918797

Peace 

As we enter the 3rd week of quarantine...

...working from home, homeschooling, and all the other changes that have taken place in the past few weeks with the Corona pandemic, I hope we find some time to ponder these wise and beautiful words from my teacher and friend Bert Gunn. Basically, before we return to any kind of normal, Bert is asking us to think about the kind of "normal" we really want to return to:

"It is a good time to go inside and reassess our lives - where are we going, and where do we want to go? What is important to us now? What lessons can we learn from this challenge? How do we want to change our lives? What is our real core, and our true mission at this time?
I send these questions as an opportunity to look within. It is also very important to be really easy with ourselves in this stressful time. Find ways to rejuvenate and heal and love ourselves. Also a time to share the healing and love. When we give, it feeds us also."

Bert is an amazing human being, a wise teacher, social worker, plumber and true man of all trades. I met him at the sweat lodge about 8 years ago, and his calm voice and deep insight have brought me peace, clarity and comfort  ever since. 

Here is his FB https://www.facebook.com/bert.gunn.92 

Peace

Physics gets me high

How have you been passing your time this past week? One thing I've been doing and loving is listening to Richard Feynman's physics lectures online (some of my favorites are this one on gravitation, and this one on probability and uncertainty).

Physics gets me high for sure, especially when presented the way he does.

I put a little bit of my own spin on it this morning:

Peace

Learn to read

With all the fear and distress going on right now, being stuck at home with our routines turned upside down, some of us unable to go out much or at all, worried about the well being of those we care about, you can see how it's easy for our minds to spin in a negative direction.

So we have to help each other in any way we can, and reassure each other that we will be there to support each other, that this will come to an end, and hopefully the lessons we will have learned will allow us to move forward in a better way.

I hope to bring a little brightness to your day by sharing little things which bring me peace and comfort:  Here's a little video of the girls giving Pride a bath yesterday.

And a quote from Shakespeare:

"O, learn to read what silent love has writ". (Sonnet 23, line 13)

I think that especially right now, this quote can bring much comfort. Yes, silent love has written and is continually writing all around us. Our task is to learn to read that which is written.

Love's writings can be discerned in easy times and in difficult times. In times such as these, look for love's writing in the hospitals, where medical personnel are working tirelessly to help; look in the fields, where migrant workers are producing food for this country, despite having no social security themselves; look in the way friends reach out to each other; in the way people worry about each other, miss each other, try to help each other, try to lift each other's hearts.
Look in the patterns and fabric of nature. Love's writings are in those places and everywhere, if we learn how to see.

Peace

Quietly. Outrageously.

Some hoard and try to make a profit off the suffering,

While others sing, in hope of bringing soothing to the world;

Meanwhile, the maples,

Are quietly,

Outrageously,

In bloom

Also, if you're feeling stressed and cooped up indoors, maybe you'll enjoy this little farm tour video I made this morning.

https://youtu.be/ysFjSmhatOc

Peace

Our greatest hope and privilege

There's a certain quality of being that we can share in a relationship, that makes the actual circumstances of the relationship trivial, and almost inconsequential. Whether the relationship "works out" the way we wanted, or not, is of little matter. When there is a certain kind of sincerity, openness, nakedness, brokenness shared in the relationship; a certain kind of presence with each other, we realize that this is the only truth and the greatest privilege we have, in giving and receiving.

Shakespeare, of course, recognized this and put it beautifully, in one of my favorite sonnets, Sonnet 30 (here is the full original and with interpretation if you are interested):

I believe that our greatest hope and privilege is to be able to share this kind of presence with someone.

Peace

This is the magazine

In which Sena is featured in case you're interested:

Peace 

Sena currently featured in the April issue of Marie Claire magazine

Sena was invited to NYC a month or so ago, to be part of a photo shoot for the fashion magazine Marie Claire. They did an issue featuring girls involved in environmental activism, and Sena was proposed by NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) as a candidate. Anyway, the photo shoot and interview went well (I wrote about it here and here also, right after going to NYC), and the article about Sena and the other girls is now out in paper copy. It will also be released online in a couple of weeks, at which time I will share more pictures and hopefully the whole article. Unfortunately, we don't have the hard copy right now, and we don't know where to go and buy it, given the current quarantine situation.
Here's a picture of Sena, courtesy of Marie Claire:

Sena was also invited down to NYC in late April, for a special gala event that was going to be hosted by Gisele Bundchen, in honor of the environmental issue and the girls' work. But unfortunately, that is now cancelled because of the pandemic. Hopefully they will reschedule after things come back to normal, since Sena was really looking forward to that.

Peace

Change itself

There is no refuge from change

Change itself is the only refuge.

~

From the level of the subatomic to the galactic, and everything in between, the unifying truth is change. To resist change is to amplify our sufferings. But to learn how to move openly, kindly, with awareness and compassion through change can be the key to peace of mind, and a great accomplishment. Right now, we have a great opportunity to practice this. (Image: Pixabay)

Peace 

Strange parallels: a lovely excerpt from Jane Eyre

Here's Jane in a strangely similar situation to where we find ourselves these days: her boarding school is afflicted with Typhus and Consumption, both deadly diseases, and everything is changed. Sick students are quarantined, and healthy ones are told to stay away, and isolate themselves. Normal routine is abandoned and things seem turned upside down.

But Jane takes this opportunity to roam the woods and find peace and loveliness there. She enjoys this freedom from the confines of her otherwise strict school schedule and describes this time to herself in a way that brings comfort to the reader:

"April advanced to May: a bright, serene May it was; days of blue sky, placid sunshine, and soft western or southern gales filled up its duration. And now vegetation matured with vigour; Lowood (the name of her boarding school) shook loose its tresses; it became all green, all flowery; its great elm, ash, and oak skeletons were restored to majestic life; woodland plants sprang up profusely in its recesses; unnumbered varieties of moss filled its hollows, and it made a strange ground-sunshine out of the wealth of its wild primrose plants: I have seen their pale gold gleam in over-shadowed spots like scatterings of the sweetest luster. All this I enjoyed often and fully, free, unwatched..."

This passage brought me peace and I hope it does to you too.
Here are some pictures of flowers that are coming up all around our house:

Peace

Heartbreak and open roads

What is happening right now around the world is heartbreaking. But it also provides us with an open road for moving forward once the pandemic subsides.

The burning Amazon; the Australian fires; the Corona pandemic: I believe that these are all, in great part, manifestations of humanity living out of balance with the natural world.

This pandemic can be our turning point as humanity, where we take seriously the fact that we must change our ways, and we start living more sustainably and in harmony with the earth.

We must stop our extractive mentality, and we must stop supporting systems that rely on and propagate the extractive mentality; systems such as industrial agriculture, that rely on getting as much as possible, as cheaply as possible, out of the land, without regard for long term impacts on land, water, ecosystems, or human lives. Or the mining industry, or the fossil fuel industry, or any industry based on generating quick economic returns as their top and only priority.

This is a turning point. We have a chance to wake up and move forward in a different, more sustainable way, curbing our consumerism and holding accountable those who have destroyed and continue to destroy our planet's natural balance. Or, we can continue with the "same old", and see what happens. The choice is ours.

Peace 

Power and vulnerability

Power and vulnerability come to the forefront in times of crisis. 

I made a video speaking about an issue that has been on my mind recently, and one that I know something about from my past 10 years of farming.

https://youtu.be/oeCa8ohk_ww

Undocumented workers, are the bedrock of our economy, in many important areas, such as agriculture, restaurant/hospitality business and construction. YET, for them, in times like these, there are no social safety nets: they are afraid to go to the doctor if they need to, and if they lose their job they are completely unsupported - there is no welfare or unemployment assistance for them.

If you feel that this is unfair and unacceptable, as I do, you can actually do something about it, by supporting organizations such as the ACLU, who have made it their work to protect vulnerable groups of people:

https://www.aclu.org/press-releases/aclu-statement-ice-enforcement-during-covid-19-pandemic

Peace and stay well, everyone!

Give yourself permission

Even when we have down time, for some of us it's hard to relax. It's as if something internal, a certain mindset or conditioning, keeps driving us relentlessly.

We need to find a way to give ourselves permission to step out of the stressful patterns and expectations that have become our norm and make us anxious, depressed, unwell.

But how exactly to give ourselves permission to do that is not obvious. It's not something you just say or think and, poof, it happens! No, it's actually more of a practice.

I suggest we start with awareness. And with compassion towards ourselves and the situation we're in rather than harsh judgements. I suggest we pay attention to our body, and above all try to maintain a gentle attitude and trust that with time, change is possible, and with sustained attention, what we need to do will be revealed to us organically, from within. 

It also helps to realize that as we learn to be gentle and genuine with ourselves, those lessons will be surely translated into our interactions with others as well, thus benefiting more than just ourselves. 

Finally, I think it helps to know that we're not alone. Despite the isolation fostered by our society with its crazy lifestyle, and its never ending cycle of making us feel inadequate and offering the next purchase as the key to fulfillment, in truth we're never alone in experiencing those things that we're the most embarrassed of and the most afraid to share. And what's more, these things that we so desperately want to rid ourselves of, to find a quick fix for, they are the only possible key to genuine fulfillment.

Wishing everyone health and peace and lightness.

Sharing skills

These times can bring out the worst or the best in us. What will you choose to share with others? 

For me, I plan to use my online platforms to share skills I've learned from farming, homesteading and homeschooling. Even something as simple as cooking a healthy meal could be of use to someone.

Please think of what skills you have that can be of use to someone else and share them.

We have a great opportunity to rise above our fears and uncertainties and show that even in difficult times we can walk in beauty. 

Home cooked lunch: beans, eggs and pepperoncini.

Peace

A little brightness

In these times of uncertainty and anxiety, I hope this brings a little brightness to your day. Enjoy the beauty of Mother Earth as she wakes from her winter slumber.
https://youtu.be/gFINQ1NlMvQ

Peace

RIP Cookie

Rest In Peace to our cat Cookie, who was hit by a car last night. We buried him this morning.

He was a loving, funny cat, and super cute and chubby. When we spoke to him, he'd make these little noises, like he was answering back.

We'll always remember him and his light, loving, playful spirit. He loved to eat, and it's a little bit of a consolation that we put out a whole chicken carcass for him and the other cats last night. He died with a happy belly.

Aiyana summed him up the best when she said that Cookie brought everlasting goodness to this world. He certainly did that.

This is a picture of him being held by Aiyana last week.

Peace 

Rolling with the changes

It looks like the girls and I will be home for a while. UConn closed in response to the Corona virus, and they told students not to come back after spring break (which is next week). They will be holding online classes instead.

The high school where I work and Aiyana studies will also be closed starting this coming Monday through at least 3/26. We're not sure if there will be online classes or no classes at all.

We're also not sure what's happening with Ed's job. His company is actually shutting down permanently in May (which he's known for a while now, and is not related to Corona), so he's up in the air anyway. We don't know if UConn will take over and Ed will be employed with them, or if he should start looking for something else, or if he'll be back farming.

We'll see how things shake out.

Peace

I am the understanding. I am the ever shifting reference frame.

Peace 

Happy International Women's Day!

"For those of us

who were imprinted with fear

like a faint line in the center of our foreheads

learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk

for by this weapon

this illusion of some safety to be found

the heavy-footed hoped to silence us

For all of us

this instant and this triumph

We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid

it might not remain

when the sun sets we are afraid

it might not rise in the morning

when our stomachs are full we are afraid

of indigestion

when our stomachs are empty we are afraid

we may never eat again

when we are loved we are afraid

love will vanish

when we are alone we are afraid

love will never return

and when we speak we are afraid

our words will not be heard

nor welcomed

but when we are silent

we are still afraid

So it is better to speak

remembering

we were never meant to survive."

(excerpt from A Woman Speaks, by Audre Lorde).

So speak! Speak for the parts of you that have not spoken yet. Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Use your wisdom and experience to speak truthfully and with compassion, knowing that we are all misguided to some degree, we are all hurting, and we all want to be seen.

What does it mean when Lorde says that "We were never meant to survive"? For me, it means freedom. What exactly are we guarding? What are we afraid of?

Personally, I can say that physics, farming - and the resulting intimacy with the natural world -  and meditation, have taught me not to be afraid of death. The only thing I can see being afraid of is not using my time here wisely, not contributing that which I have to contribute.

Happy International Women's Day!

Peace

7 hours...

Yesterday was an eventful day! I went to the CT Legislative Building right after work to give testimony for Bill 301 to ban the toxic pesticide Chlorpyrifos. Meanwhile, Sena and her Sunrise Co-director, Mitch, were already there, in in a different part of the building testifying in support of another bill, Bill 5215, asking for climate education in schools. They got to testify fairly quickly and went back home with Ed at a decent time.

Here's a picture of Sena and Mitch after they finished testifying on their bill.

I stayed at the Capitol, and unfortunately, though I waited 7 hours, I still was not able to testify. By the time I left, there were so many people waiting to testify before me, and it looked like it might have been another 2 hours before I'd get my turn, so at 9:30pm, I decided to go home. I am submitting my testimony in written format, but I do wish I could've spoken...

Here's my final testimony:

Dear members of the Environment Committee,

I am here to ask you support bill SB 301: An act concerning the use of Chlorpyrifos.
I am very concerned about the many documented toxic effects that this pesticide has on the health of humans and children in particular, effects such as:

• brain damage, learning disabilities, developmental delays, behavioral problems;
• The EPA’s own scientific analysis showed that the amount of Chlorpyrifos ingested by young children through sprayed fruits and vegetables could exceed safety levels by 140 times.

I am also concerned about the effects of Chlorpyrifos on the health of animals, our environment in general, and pollinators in particular.

• As a farmer, I know that pollinators are critical to our food supply;
• Without pollinators we cannot produce many fruit and vegetable crops;
• Yet pollinators are experiencing a massive decline around the world;
• For example, in 2018, CT farmers lost 73% of their bee hives; 
• Pesticides such as Chlorpyrifos and Neonicotinoids are largely responsible for this alarming decline;
• This is unacceptable and unsustainable.

Here in CT, Chlorpyrifos seems to be mostly used on golf courses. Yet we hear arguments that banning it will negatively impact farmers.
I am here to tell you that, as a farmer growing some of the very crops that this pesticide is applied to, I know that there are healthier alternatives to this pesticide, alternatives such as:

• Integrated Pest Management;
• Habitat management;
• Mechanical, cultural, biological controls.

As a farmer, I can also tell you that the people who come to our farm care about the health and safety of their food. They do not want pesticides and other toxic chemicals like Chlorpyrifos in their food supply, and expect you, their elected leader, to stand up and implement regulations that protect their health and wellbeing, and the health and wellbeing of their children, before any other interests.
Please support this bill and ban Chlorpyrifos in CT, as other legislators have done or are in the process of doing in California, Hawaii, Maryland, New York, and many European Union countries.
Thank you very much!

I'm blown away

I'm preparing for a Space/Astronomy section we'll be teaching the kids in the next few weeks. I was reviewing/learning some concepts, and came across this picture of the Hourglass Nebula, taken by the Hubble Telescope. I've seen it before, or at least the eye part of it, but I didn't think it was real. But now I learnt that it is.

It's amazing to me. An infinity sign with an eye in the middle. My imagination cannot help but go crazy with this.

Speaking about school, a wonderful thing happened yesterday, where I was able to speak to a kid in my class, who is brilliant but completely unmotivated to do any work. He gets Ds and Fs, and sporadically, he will get an A+ on a test when he actually decides to take it. Most of his other work, he never turns in, never even looks at it, even though he knows how to do everything.

I took him outside the classroom and spoke to him. I think he felt seen maybe for the first time since he started school; maybe he felt encouraged that someone was actually speaking to his concerns, because when he went back to his seat, he started working! I was so moved, I almost started crying, but I have to control myself and not get too emotional. Anyway, I really hope that he continues to work, because I really feel that he is brilliant and has the potential to do amazing things.

Peace

Mistakes

Goethe said that "Error is related to truth as sleeping is to waking. I have observed that when one has been in error, one turns to truth as though revitalized."

Don't be afraid to make and own your own mistakes. Then move on from there. Start again. Over and over again.

Peace 

Heads up Connecticut!

This is an Action Alert for legislation concerning the pesticide Chlorpyrifos, coming up this Friday at the Legislative Building in Hartford. 

Chlorpyrifos, a toxic pesticide linked to serious health concerns, was banned in many EU countries, as well as Hawaii and California among others. Yet, here in CT, it is still being sprayed on food crops and golf courses. On Friday, WE have a chance to tell our CT legislators that we do not want this toxic pesticide in our food supply or in the environment.

Ed and I plan to go to the CT State Capitol to testify as farmers, bringing up concerns having to do with the toxic effects of Chlorpyrifos on human and environmental health. We will also bring up the adverse effects of Chlorpyrifos on pollinators. We encourage everyone who is able to, to come and testify, whether you come as a CT resident or in some other capacity.  

If you cannot come in person, please submit your testimony by email. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. Simply email the Environmental Committee at envtestimony@cga.ct.gov and ask them to support bill SB 301, A ban of Chlorpyrifos. 

The time for waiting for others to act is passed. Despite our perpetually busy lives, we must take responsibility for protecting our health and environment, because if we don't, nobody will do it for us. It is heartening to know that our legislators, at town and state level, DO listen to us, their constituents, if enough of us take the time to communicate with them.

Thank you so much for your attention to this important action.

Peace

Tabula rasa

Start again. Over and over again. Not matter how well or how poorly things are going for you, always return to emptiness, openness, tabula rasa. And if you can't start with an empty slate, then start where you are, no matter how dirty or crammed your slate is. With intention and awareness, it is possible.

Have a good day, friends!

My grandmother used to read coffee grounds

And when I was small, I used to watch her. Once in a while now, I think of her, and check my coffee grounds after I finish my coffee.

I saw an ouroboros in my coffee cup this morning, reminding me of the constant cycle of renewal and regeneration. And how appropriate is this reminder today, March 1st, with spring fast on its way!

What does this mean to me? That we will never find ourselves in the things we hold on to; but that which we let go of can lead us home. 

Understanding: change your reference frame

Peace 

"In rage, deaf as the sea, hasty as fire"

Yes, I am still on my Shakespeare binge. So far, since starting here at EO Smith Highschool, and having access to their lovely library, I've read: Hamlet; King Lear; Macbeth; Julius Cesar; Othello; some of the sonnets; and now, I'm reading Richard II.

Today, I want to write a bit about a quote which means a lot to me:
"In rage, deaf as the sea, hasty as fire" (II, i, 19).

These are the words with which, at the beginning of the Richard II, the king describes the flaring conflict between Bolingbroke and Mowbray, who stand before him asking for permission to fight. These men are enraged at each other; each is ready to prove that he's right and the other wrong, at the cost of his own (and the other's) life. And, as Richard notices, so great is their rage, that it makes them deaf and unable to see anything other than it.

I've been thinking about rage lately.

Most of my life, when faced with someone in rage, my first instinct was to run away or submit; literally, when someone would lose their calm and yell or become verbally aggressive, my mind would become weak and hazy, I would lose my power of reason, and try to end the conflict as quickly as possible, usually by agreeing with whatever they wanted. This, at the time, felt like a matter of self preservation. Growing up in a totalitarian regime where submission to power was expected, at great risk to yourself otherwise, it makes sense to me that I reacted this way to overt displays of power. And there were other influences, but rather than focusing on the factors that engendered and cemented this reaction, I want to focus on what allowed to dissolve (and it is still dissolving!).

Over the years, as I matured and faced this type of situation many times, as well as its consequences, I've learnt to deal with rage and other kinds of toxic energy, and in so doing, now feel more empowered to stand where I am and be who I am even when faced with yelling, or other forms that uncontrolled rage can take. How did this happen?

Basically, it happened as a result on my mothering Sena and Aiyana. After years of guiding them through their own conflict resolution, I realized that I needed to think of myself as another child I'm mothering: specifically, when faced with confrontations, neither making excuses to let myself off the hook, nor punishing myself unfairly by ignoring my legitimate needs and concerns.

So, simply taking responsibility for who I am, admitting my mistakes and shortcomings, and owning where I stand, without placing undue pressure either on myself or the other person - all of this helped a lot.

I know that I am not alone in having felt helpless and afraid when dealing with someone in rage or other forms of overwhelming energy. And I'm not alone in having experienced the shame that comes from cowering down before it. And, I'm also not alone in experiencing the clarity and fearlessness that comes when realizing that it is possible to stand with dignity and simplicity even when faced with someone that cannot see beyond their rage.

To bring it full circle, here is another quote from Richard II:
"...I thank thee, King...
For thy great bounty, that not only giv'st
Me cause to wail, but teachest me the way
How to lament the cause" (IV, i, 299-302)

What this means to me, is that those who put us in some of the most uncomfortable positions, who "give us cause to wail", can also be our teachers in "the way / How to lament the cause". They inadvertently teach us how to deal with difficulty.

I am not talking about physically abusive situations here, nor am I implying that we should tolerate any kind of abuse. I'm simply noting that I've had a few teachers in my life, who, though they didn't realize it, and I didn't realize it at the time, taught me how to stand up for myself, and how to deal with unpleasant situations. In this sense, I am grateful. And I do actually believe that when we are at peace, it will come naturally that we will want to give thanks to, or at least feel compassion towards, even those that presented us with some of the most unpleasant situations in our lives.

(Picture was at Atticus Bookstore cafe in New Haven. I loved this place back in 2000 when I lived by the shore, and I got to hang out there last night while Sena was attending an environmental meeting nearby).

Peace

Possibility becoming certainty

I'm fascinated by the concept of a "field" as used in physics, and by the idea that the fundamental nature of things is probability collapsing into manifestation under specific conditions. I don't fully understand these concepts, but I do find myself irresistibly drawn to what I perceive of them, and I also find it fascinating to view our human experience through this lens.  There's something ineffable and very concrete at the same time about these manifestations, which to me is very relatable.

Peace 

Barnyard

Just uploaded a 2 min. video I took in the barnyard this morning after I finished milking the cows. Check it our here:
https://youtu.be/zBxIx7jnmLg

Quantum entanglement

Happy Valentine's Day!

48

"I am not what I am".

So says Shakespeare's Iago, referring to his conscious and deceitful plot to manipulate Othello; but here, I am purposely taking this quote out of context and applying it in a different way, that resonates with my life at this moment.

In saying these words, Iago affirms that he is knowingly portraying himself to be someone he's not. Yet, for me, the questions remains: though he knows what he is not, does he know what he truly is? Do any of us?

If I am lucky, maybe I am now at the midway point of my life; by now, you'd think I'd have some answers, but in fact, this question "Who am I?", remains mostly unanswered; more importantly, I found that the need to answer it in a definitive way has started to fade, leaving space for something lighter and, honestly, more fun.

Like Iago, I know who I am not; I know who I've pretended to be (though for more benign reasons than Iago), but could not, or did not want to, pull off. Yet as to who I am, all I know is that I will possibly never fully know; more importantly, I know that not knowing is not a problem, and that much more important than knowing is being able to hold the questions: Who am I? Who are we? What is this?

In Nietzsche's famous "Become who you are", I now think that the emphasis is much more on "become" and less on "who". "Become" is a verb; it is active and contingent. It is alive. In contrast, "who" is often seen as a static entity, once defined, forever defined. After trying to pin down my own "who" for many years, I now welcome the idea that the "who" must also be contingent, constantly changing.

Also, more significantly, the who itself  is much less important that the process of figuring out the "who". This process is at the heart of knowing not just ourselves, but everything that is intimately connected with ourselves, which, in the end is everything. And herein lies the importance of the who: not in itself, but in what we must go through to find it, and in what that experiences brings us.

I love these quotes and I chose to share them here on my birthday because they give me a sense of openness and possibility that helps counter the dullness, apathy and despondency that tend to set in when I think I know.

Peace and thank you so much for the opportunity to share another year of "my world".

Classic photobomb

I love cows!!!!

Peace 

In the shadows

To redeem:

1. To compensate for the faults or bad aspects of something;
2. (Finance) To repay a stock or bond, etc. at the maturity date.

In the shadows of our lives: during difficult times, as we face problems, challenges, darkness.
Our love shall be redeemed: The true value of our love (the love we give and receive) will be revealed.

The love we give and receive is seen fully against the backdrop of darkness in our lives.

Peace

That's all

"To make art out of heartache is, of course, the most beautiful thing one could do with one’s sorrow, as well as the most generous — no artist knows how the transfiguration of their pain into beauty will salve another heart, give another sorrower the language of their own truth, the vessel for navigating their own experience."

-Maria Popova, https://www.brainpickings.org/2020/01/31/the-heartbreak-of-hans-christian-andersen/?mc_cid=8f54bc6cad&mc_eid=0dd27feeae

My mom in Morocco

She's having a great time on an extensive tour including Casablanca, Marakkesh, Fez, and Chefchaouen. I am so happy for her! Here are pictures from her Bedouin "tent" in the desert. 

Peace