i'm kind of bummed today, but i wanted to write anyway...
i don't like being negative, or complaining, and i try to avoid seding out that kind of energy. but this has been sticking with me for a while, so i'll have to write it anyway. so if anyone is reading this, and you're not in the mood for negativity, please don't read anymore.
so, that being said, here's what's bugging me.
it buggs me when i hear people refer to our current society as (most) advanced, or first world as opposed to third worl, or developped as opposed to developing, you get the idea.
it bugs me because although i recognize that maybe from a technological standpoint that may be true, from other standpoints it is not.
it's been over 2 years now that i've been staying home with my kids, and during this time i've gained a new perspective on things. i feel like i'm on the sidelines watching things happen, a lot more so than when i used to go to work every day and had that kind of lifestyle. it became obvious to me during this time, that the society i live in is simply not set up for the common good. the values that seem to matter most are competition, aggression, ambition, drive, and things in that vein. cooperation, compromise, mutual help, etc. are not so much at the forefront. for example:
i live in one of the wealthiest places on earth, yet i see people standing outside begging for food, shiverring in the cold.
i nkow that even as i write this, there are children being born not far from here, in such dire circumstances that their chance at a life free of violence and crime is negligible. these kids grow up with deprivation, violence and abuse, so it's no wonder many adopt these same ways later. it's so obvious to me now how we recreate our circumstances through our own actions, even though we don't want to. one book i read was written by an anthropologist who did his research in a suburb of new york city. a poor suburb, with lots of violence in the streets. he wrote about this little boy he met, who was really smart and cute and just like any other kid in any other neighborhood. as the kid grew up, he became friends with the anthropologist and started to tell him how he was determined not to get involved in the drug trade that everyone around him made their living out of. he was determined no to end up in jail, or dead, as many in his family had. yet, years later, when the anthropologist went back to the neighborhood and asked about this kid, it turned out that he was in jail, for selling drugs. it was clear how given the circumstances this kid grew up in, and the opportulities (or lack of) he had available, this was the natural outcome. i know that this is not a fantasy, this is reality, because i see it around me.
from my own experience with raising kids, it is obvious that the resources necessary to raise a healthy, peaceful, compassionate, sensitive child are huge. there is a good reason why most peoples around the world, historically, lived in extended families. now, the nuclear family is becoming more predominant, and here, where i live, it is the norm. people don't realize how much pressure is involved in raising kids and holding together a family without the support of a tightly knit community.
in our current context, it is the mom and dad that are almost exclusively responsible for the kids. grandparents may or may not help. same with friends and other relatives. so, as a natural outcome, we now rely on institutions - like daycare. we hire babysitters. we give our kids pacifiers and put let them sleep alone from the time they are born. we are told that if we hold our kids too much ar love them too much, we are "spoiling them".
to do it differently, to actually hold your kid when she cries, to nurse her on demand, to sleep with her at night, and to simply be there for her when she needs you, all or most of the time, requires incredible physical, mental, emotional resources from the mother and father. i hate to admit this, but i am really coming to understand how some mothers go overboard and hurt themselves and their kids. it's so overwhelming to be a mother, and simply to take care of the kids, that if other things are going badly in your life, if you're having problems with your partner, or with money, or whatever, i can see how that could easily put you over the edge.
post-partum depression is now a "medical" condition. an illness. my hunch is that it's more of a social disease. one that finds expression in other areas as well.
the elderly - often isolated, and depressed. they too, are often relegated to institutions, out of the mainstream.
the world around me is being ruled and constructed based on materialistic values and greed. people start "playing" at making money and buying things when they're young, and then they forget it's a game. sena told me that. she likes to play with money. she playis going to work and buying things. but she knows it's a game and i hope she won't forget as she grows up.
i don't want to sound like i don't care at all about materialism, cuz i do. i like my hot shower, i like heat in the winter, i like having a phone and this computer. but i think things are way beyond that level - people are working day in and day out to pay huge mortgages for huge houses that they have no time to spend in.
if people stopped to think about things i think they'd agree that developping social resources is more important, at this point, than continuing with the mindset we've come to think of as natural. but it's so hard to think and see things clearly when you're so busy, not to mention in debt.
this is not worth much, it's only one way of seeing things, but it's what's been on my mind.
don't mean to sound righteous. i am part of this and have bought into it as much as everyone else. any solutions??
peace
