Courage

Courage is living with fear-

Living, and doing,

each day,

with fear your companion.

Moving through life

while fear whispers

that you can't and you shouldn't

and still, you move.

Courage is believing,

as you take

one step and then another

and fear at your side.

Courage is knowing

that there may be

no happy ever after,

but there are moments

and they can fill a lifetime. 

Before the morning chores

Some Richard II by the fire, before going out to milk the cows this frosty morning.

“You may my glories and my state depose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.” William Shakespeare, Richard II

Lighthouse

Alone,

we must all navigate the treacherous waters.

When you are lost at sea,

Or lost in your own thoughts and fears,

Or lost among the troubles of the world,

I am your lighthouse.

I stand holding the beacon

I cast the light

So you can see the perils

And feel you're not alone.

Dream

I had a dream that I was in a place of learning, a sort of university, and I was looking at a stone archway decorated with beautiful paintings, admiring it, and then I saw a little inscription saying something about Lord Byron.

When I awoke in the morning, I looked up Lord Byron, and this is the first quote I found:
"Love will find a way thought paths where wolves fear to prey."
Isn't that beautiful?

I hope you're having a good day, whether you're spending this time with family, friends or on your own.

Peace

Thanksgiving

What are you thankful for today?

As I think of my friend Cherese, now in the hospital for a 3rd round of chemotherapy in less thank 6 months, I cannot but be thankful for so many things:

my life,
your life,
every breath of fresh air,
every sip of fresh water,
every morsel of food,
being able to go outside,
being able, just being able.

I think of Cherese and somehow, because of the open way in which she shared her difficult journey so far, I feel that I can enjoy these things more than usual. I want to send her, and to everyone else who needs it, heart-felt wishes and thoughts for healing.
Also, I made this short 4 minutes video this morning to share some of the little things that bring me joy:

https://youtu.be/SK6tGf1lLX4

Peace

Lunch with company

I had some extra fun lunch companions yesterday, although one of them really needed to learn his manners... Have a look here.

And, as I sat there knitting after lunch, this same character very rudely stole the paper on which I had drawn my knitting pattern, and ate a corner of it. Fortunately, I was already done with that part of my project, so no essential information was lost.

Peace

Herbs and home

A special corner in the house: I harvested the last of the rosemary, lavender and bee balm, and brought them indoors to keep me connected and grounded during the winter months. Sena made the basket.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ― Maya Angelou

Home can be a comforting word and sense and feeling, especially at this time of the year, when we and the natural world around us visibly draw inwards. The exuberance and outward expression of summer is gone, and we instinctively feel the yearning for home: a safe place, where we can be as we are, heal whatever we need to heal in ourselves, and replenish. Home may or may not be a physical space; for me it is a combination of physical and non-physical.

Home is also an emotional and spiritual space, where we feel connected in a way that makes us feel understood, loved, held, not judged; in a way that allows us to heal from whatever is troubling us. We can feel at home with a human, an animal or any part of the natural world, a special object, etc. The manifestations of home are so personal, but the feeling of home, and the yearning for it, I think are universal.

Though home is that important, and we yearn for it, many people across the social spectrum, rich, poor, etc., are in one sense or another homeless (and many animals too).

I think of those without a physical home. Those who lost their home in a natural disaster, those who are afraid of being in their own home because of an abusive relationship, those who cannot be at home because they're in a hospital, or prison... And also, those who suffer from not having a spiritual/emotional home.

So my wish for everyone at this time is that you may find a little space to feel at home in, a little place where you're comforted and not afraid, and that you may be able to rest and replenish and heal, and enjoy it.

Peace

Exciting news

I know I've been writing quite a bit about Sena this week, but good things keep happening :)

I want to share with you this article published yesterday by the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC), about Sena and her work:
https://www.nrdc.org/stories/13-year-old-gives-us-hope-future

And here is her letter to the editor, published in the Hartford Courant today:
http://www.courant.com/opinion/letters/hc-ugc-article-act-now-marine-mammal-protection-act-in-immi-2017-11-17-story.html

Peace

New friends

Made some new friends at the farm where Aiyana started learning about natural horsemanship, earlier this week, in Scotland, CT.

 Nice horns, sir!

This guy looks a little happier than the one on the cover of Vs., don't you think?

This is the other farm where Aiyana rides, in Chaplin, CT. Both farms are very beautiful, in very rural surroundings. In this picture, Aiyana is bringing her horse from the pasture in to the barn to saddle her. And is followed by a little pony.

Peace

Garlic is finally in the ground

We got the garlic planted a month late this year, but it's finally done and I can stop stressing about it. Yesterday was beautiful and sunny, so the girls and I got it all in the ground.They are such a huge help when they want to work with or for me...When is the key word, however.

 Tucking each clove snug into the ground. Farewell little cloves. Grow well, till next summer.

Time for indoor stuff now, including my latest knitting project, where I'm trying a Scandinavian design. And more Hemingway.

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Hemingway

Peace

Sena's time-sensitive message

Here is her video, posted on Facebook, and below is her letter to the editor, submitted to the Hartford Courant. Please help in this effort if you can.

Dear Editor,

I am a 13-year-old Mansfield CT resident, and have been advocating for the ocean since I was 5.  Every time I visit the ocean, I am astounded by its exquisite beauty, and now it is being threatened. I write to express concerns about a pressing, time sensitive bill that is currently in the U.S. House of Representatives. This issue will affect our entire ocean ecosystem.

There is an effort in Congress to pass a bill (H.R. 4239) that will gut the Marine Mammal Protection Act (MMPA). The MMPA has been in place for 45 years and is a fundamental safeguard for our increasingly threatened ocean animals. For example, there are around 450 North Atlantic Right Whales left, and without the MMPA, they could soon go extinct.

In a few days, Congress will hold the fate of thousands of animals in its hands.  I ask anybody who reads this to contact your Congress person asking them to vote NO on H.R. 4239.

I want all future generations to have a safe home, and without a healthy ocean this is impossible. Please help our fight to save the ocean, the planet, and our future.

Respectfully,

Sena Wazer 

i am free

"go to work, send your kids to school, follow fashion, act normal,
walk on the pavement, watch tv, save for old age, obey the law,
repeat after me: i am free" - Author Unknown

I know that you are hurting

You know that I am too

The pain we carry,

the incapacitation,

humiliation,

unrealized dreams,

The self-betrayal,

and the betrayal of the ones we love.

The unrelenting hurt.

And yet we're here, together.
Still here.

As long as we're alive

As long as we can reach each other

Someway, somehow,

We've got to keep on.

That, in itself, is the achievement.

And furthermore, this disconcerting truth:

We are the miracle

we are the light

we are the need, and that which fills the need.

We are the hope,

the saviors,
the vehicle of goodness in the world.

Art in Hartford

Sena and I had a lot of fun in Hartford yesterday.
There was a city-wide art festival going on, and Cetacean Society International (CSI). the organization Sena's been working with since she was 5, and which she started a Youth Group branch for, was there. Sena wanted to go and help them out, and I wanted to support her plus check out some of the art, so we went.

This is Sena with Don Cinneti. He founded CSI over 40 years ago, and I think he was quite moved to meet Sena, who's doing a lot to keep CSI moving into the future. Don is also an amazing artist, and when he found out that we went to the Azores to see whales, he gifted Sena with one of his beautiful drawings of a sperm whale eating a giant squid.

I love Real Art Ways, I want to go back there for a movie soon. They always feature independent and interesting movies. I used to go there when I first moved to the US, back in 1999-2000.

After Real Art Ways, Sena and I headed to the Historical Society. There was an exhibit there I really wanted to see, featuring textiles made by refugee women from all over the world. It was really great - we saw women from Iraq, Myanmar, Bosnia, and even Romania. Actually it turned out that the couple from Romania were actually my dad's friends....The man went to school with my dad in Romania. Small world.

 I bought a beautiful hand-woven piece from this Bosnian woman.

It was really great to hang out with Sena in the city looking at art. Have not done that in a long time, and I forgot how much fun it can be. I felt energized the whole time.

Peace

Contradictions

I hold the contradictions of my life

Just like a mother would her dear children.

For much too long, I tried to cast them out

Straighten them into something different.

What nonsense...

To assert control like that

over the uncontrollable.

Over the gifts that life bestows on us,

no matter how confusing

no matter that they don't fit in

our preconceived ideas.

Now that I'm older

I hold my contradictions close to me

Accepting each for who they are

In quiet gratitude for how

they fill my life
and lead me down the sinuous path

of a more complete truth.

Just here

Not here to fix you,
to tell you what to do

or try to change you.

But simply:

Here.
A witness

Walking the path
Beside you.

Aiyana and her goal

Aiyana's been riding for years, and she's wanted her own horse for a long time. To have a horse is a huge commitment and expense, so Ed and I always said no. But she's been persistent, and recently we told her that if she wants to work towards this goal, and make it happen, we'll help her.

She and Sena did some research and put together a budget for the horse, what it would take to buy, feed and upkeep it, and now she's working for me and with her dog sitting service to get together the money she needs.

So we'll see how the whole horse thing goes. This is definitely a long-term goal for her, and hopefully one that will teach her some good life lessons.

Here she is harvesting eggplant for this week's sale. (Do you like the hat I knitted for her?)

Peace

Sena's Spinning Hook Kick

Here is Sena breaking a board last week with a spinning hook kick.

Immediate

As I reel from the news of yet another mass shooting,

more violence and aggression,

knowing how much suffering we endure and create,

how we can be so misguided,

I want to run and hide from it all.

Instead I turn to that which I can control,

to the immediate:

a friend, family member, a stranger that needs help;

my children's education

growing food for my family and community;

tending to the fields and animals.

Knowing that it's in my power to make a difference in these lives,

I put my energy into that.

Look how they wait for me at the gate in the morning, They trust that I'll take care of them, and that's enough reason for me to get out there no matter how I feel.

My friends and teachers.

Peace

The words we do not say

The words we have not said

Have shaped us

More than the ones we have

Those things we leave unspoken

Still waiting to be heard

Keepers of truth...

Peace

Sea glass

Pain is like sea glass

Sharp, at first,

Cuts anyone who comes too close.

But time does wear it down

The edges soften

Until someone picks up the shards 

Admires their translucent beauty.

And sometimes, certain pieces,

You hold them to the light

And you can see right through them 

A lovely hue on everything
Of pain transformed.

What the farm looks like at this time of the year

I made a video to show what the field looks like at this time of year, and of course the cows are featured as well.

Peace

The old man at Ferraria

There is an incident that happened the first day we were in the Azores that will stay with me for some time. We were at Ferraria, in the West of Sao Miguel Island. Ferraria is a beautiful place, known for its thermal pool. The shore is all volcanic cliff, very ragged and dramatic, and the ocean gets quite fierce there. The thermal pool is actually a rocky cove in the ocean, where a natural hot spring comes out from the cliffs and mixes in with ocean water. Bathing in this cove can be dangerous, depending on ocean conditions. On the day we were there, the waters were very rough, and the waves would come from the ocean into the cove and smash against the cliffs violently. Also, the current was very strong, so that if you were in the water, you really needed to hold on to the ropes installed there for that purpose, if you didn't want to be smashed against the rock or pulled out into the ocean.

When we got to the thermal pool, there were a few people standing around, and nobody in the water. But we noticed that one old man was trying to get in. He was slowly shuffling towards the ladder installed at the edge of the cove so you could get in the water.He was having a hard time walking. He looked very unsteady, as if he would trip and fall down at any moment. Several people were watching him, and eventually one guy went to help him.  Ed also went to help him. Everyone else who was watching was shaking their heads or yelling at him not to go in.

The waves came into the cove hard, one after another, smashing against the cliffs, spraying high up in the air in a spectacular way. The noise was such that you had to scream to be heard.

Eventually, the old man reached the ladder and started to go down into the water. When he finally got in, and let go of the ladder, he was transformed. It was obvious that he was a very good swimmer and at ease in water. He no longer seemed frail and weak. Everyone was still yelling at him to stop but instead he just swam out.

For a moment, part of me wanted to tell everyone to stop shouting and let him enjoy this moment. I felt like they were ruining his experience (but fortunately, with the crashing of the waves, I don't think he heard them much), and anyway, if this is how he wants to go, then let him do it. It was very obvious that this experience meant a lot to him. At the same time, my heart was cringing at the thought that if he got into trouble, and someone jumped in after him, it would be very dangerous for that person, trying to deal with how powerful the waves were plus a drowning old man.

But in the end, everything was fine. The old man held up strong in the water the whole time and eventually he came out on his own. Once on land, he started shuffling along again in his slow, shaky way, towards where his family and friends were standing.

Meanwhile, I too felt like I had to feel the power of those waves. Ed and I went in the water. There were ropes installed for holding on to, and I held on to them with all my might, as the waves pulled and pushed me. The current was very strong, and you could feel the hot water coming out of the cliff mixing in with the cold ocean water coming with the waves. It was amazing to feel that power. I wanted to laugh, and I did. I was only in there for a few minutes, but it was enough. I'll never forget it.

When I came out, I walked past the old man who was now slowly putting his clothes on. I smiled at him and asked him how he was. He said great. We talked a bit about being in the water and how it felt to be with that kind of power. He and I connected right away. I told him that I understood why he wanted to go in, and he told me that he comes all the way from Finland to have this experience. His face was lit up talking about it.

I will never forget him, especially the way he looked so frail walking along the cliffs, and how changed he was once he got in the water. I really feel that for him, this was about connecting with something primal, but everyone who was yelling at him to get out didn't understand that. I appreciate their worry at the danger of the situation, and I agree that it would've been bad if something happened, but at the same time, I think he needed to experience that. This probably comes across as very irresponsible of me, but anyway, I am glad for him and I will never forget him, or this place, and the way it felt to be in those waters.

You can see the old man in this picture, crouched down on the rocks, trying to get to the ladder where he could enter the cove. Ed and the other guy are helping him. You can see how intense the waves were.

In this picture the old man is finally in the water, you can barely see his head at the bottom of the ladder, and Ed and the other guy are watching him. You can also see the ropes that are installed so you could hold on.

Peace

Thank you Azores!

Porto Formoso is in the north of Sao Miguel island, and the last place we stayed in. This is their local tea plantation. I'm a tea drinker, and it was fun to learn about tea production.

Fishing huts in Porto Fomoso

Walking back from snorkeling 

Church on the hill. I always like hearing the bells ring.

Sete Cidades lookout. Really amazing spot. Makes me want to fly.

Big heart

I'm so grateful for this trip and all the beautiful things we saw. And I'm also grateful for the technology that allowed me to share it with you.