3 things

We have limited or sometimes no control over what happens. But we do have a choice in what we tell ourselves about what happens, and  especially in HOW we speak to ourselves about what happens.

And we always have the opportunity to use what life gives us in a constructive way; a way that allows us to move forward with more awareness and compassion towards ourselves and others. 

Peace 

Overwhelming

I grew up in a communist country. I've seen how abuses are perpetrated when power is held absolutely. Naively, I thought that "free" countries do not experience these abuses, or if they do, the problem is openly and swiftly addressed. But I was wrong.

Honestly, right now, I am overwhelmed by what I am seeing. The systemic racism and violence. The divisiveness. The police shootings, with George Floyd the latest victim (we know of) of systemic racism and violence.

I am overwhelmed for our children growing up in this environment of violence and injustice. And even more overwhelmed for those ignorant of these things; ignorant of the long and real history of racism, and oppression in all forms, present in this country, not the version glorified in history books.

We, as individuals and as a society, must learn to treat each other with dignity and respect, and do what we can to help each other. It is possible!

May we walk forward in a good way.

Peace

So strange...

Whereas at the beginning of this season we weren't sure if there were going to be any farm sales at all for this season, due to restaurants and stores closing down, and other Covid impacts, it turns out that demand for our products has skyrocketed, and even though we planted more than we were initially going to, we cannot keep up with all the demand. Our restaurants are buying a lot, and the food co-op we're selling to has more than doubled their demand. And we constantly receive more demand from customers, food hubs, online platforms, etc.

It's such a strange time...

I think that people are panicking about the industrial food supply, and its vulnerability to the pandemic, and so are turning to their local farmers. This is great news, but as one of my farmer friends said, I do hope that people continue to remember their local farmers, and the importance of a resilient local food economy, once things get back to "normal". But who knows that the new normal will be? For now, we'll keep on planting and growing food, and trying to keep up with the demand.

Peace

Such are the ways

"So is the candle for its flame prepared", says Dante's Beatrice, referring to what we need to do in order to be able to sustain our “flame”, our utmost vision and practice of life.

Beatrice was Dante's unrequited love and muse, and the one who guided him to his ultimate vision of life.

So what exactly is necessary in order for us to be able to manifest and hold that flame?

Dante gives plenty of insight in his Divine Comedy, but I’d like to do a little bit of my own spin off here:

We must be willing to see clearly the workings of our ego and desire.

We must admit we're lost.

We must know remorse, deeply, painfully and personally.

We must yearn for redemption.

We must be willing to let go of what we think we know and who we think we are, trusting in change and the power of genuine intention to find a way.

We must be willing to fumble about blindly, for much too long, before we can see clearly.

We must be willing to not know, and seek no guarantees.

We must be willing to keep walking.

These are some of the ways I know of, in which the candle is prepared to bear its flame, and we are prepared to hold truth, beauty and love in our lives.

Painting: Dante's Dream, by Dante Gabriel Rossetti.
You can read more about it here.

Peace

Introducing my lemon tree

I am so happy that my mom and Aiyana are now also making small videos of their garden, birds and animals, sharing them with me and with each other. It is such a great way to keep in touch, and share things that make us happy. Yesterday, my mom made and shared with us the sweetest little video of her garden, including the 3 areas set up with tables and chairs to have coffee  (3!), and an american robin singing in the background.

So in that spirit, here's my latest 3 minute video, made this morning, showing what's going on in the greenhouse, and introducing my lemon tree. Enjoy:
https://youtu.be/figMKJGuAWE

Peace

Asunder. The beauty of living on the verge.

And these divided lives we live 

Always asunder 

But on the verge 

And always hoping that it's not too late 

Definition of asunder: divided, separated, torn apart.

On a certain level, an existential, intimate level, we can feel separated from ourselves, from another, or from someone or something we can't even identify. This pervasive feeling can be harrowing but also beautiful, because of what it implies: that one is on the verge of merging into something greater than oneself.

In what ways do you feel asunder or on the verge?

Peace 

Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra - a review of the process

I want to share a couple of passages from a book I read recently, called Masterpieces of Philosophical Literature. It's a really great book, which reviews among others Dante, Nietsche, Goethe, Voltaire, etc. It is written in a very accessible way, and I highly recommend it.

This is what the book looks like

The passages I want to share below are a review of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra:

First, we are given some context as to where we stand relative to the world:

...."we are all born into a world that is already fully established. We are loaded with a burden of traditions and values, told that they are eternal and unchanging. Eventually the courageous in his quiet moments (the dark night of the soul) comes to realize that there are inconsistencies within the values, and that he can no longer believe in them without question. Only when he has the courage to reject them, does he open himself to the possibility of creating and overcoming, becoming the child."

Here, the child represents innocence, trust, lightness, as further explained.

This next passage breaks down our journey into three main stages. These are not one-time occurrences, but rather repeat themselves, and we continually go through them as we move through our journey and keep learning. I like to visualize this movement as a spiral, where, although in a way we are retracing our steps, although we have been here before, yet, at the same time, we are doing so at a new level, with new experience and context, which makes all the difference.
The stages we move through boil down to: oppression/being a beast of burden; rebellion; and the return to innocence and lightness:

"The spirit, says Zarathustra, needs to go through three stages of development, becoming first a camel, then a lion, and finally a child. In its great strength, the camel is a beast of burden, exulting in its ability to endure hardship, abuse, and still carry great loads. In the "loneliest desert", however, the camel goes through a metamorphosis and becomes a lion.
The lion seeks... to fight with the great dragon named "Thou shalt".... The lion creates the freedom for new creation by the sacred "No", the rejection of old values...
With this, the lion becomes the child. The child is innocence and forgetting, a new beginning,...a sacred "Yes".

In my own personal experience, I identify with much of this process. I have been the camel, and still am in some aspects. I have also tasted and heard inside myself the sacred "No" of the lion. I have been able to manifest it in some areas, and am working on manifesting it in others. And I have known the lightness and purity of the child enough to believe in it, enough to have faith in the return to innocence and in the entire process.

I hope this gives you a little perspective and perhaps respite from confusion and doubt. Knowing that the process is long and hard, but also full of possibility is comforting for me, and I hope that it is for you as well. For all of us going through this process, whether we are at the camel, lion or child stage, or a mix of all, I wish us the willingness to keep going.

Peace

More shoe mishaps

Ed would call this absentmindedness; but I would call it eagerness to get out there and start the day.

In any case, this is what happened: I wore two different shoes and didn't even notice, walking around and doing things for quite a while, until I took them off to go barefoot in the greenhouse.

Peace 

The sacred "Yes"

The sacred "Yes":

Yes to this moment;

Yes to this breath, and this;

Yes to all that's inside my heart;

Yes to this step 

As I move on my way,

Uncertain and precarious as it is.

You are the lighthouse

(Image source: Pixabay)

We work on ourselves using the conditions and circumstances that our lives provide. These are our faithful teachers.

We work on ourselves for ourselves, but if we stopped there, I believe it would be a long and lonely journey.

But if we do it with the hope or wish that what we find may also be of use to others, then maybe we will be able to move through the difficulties we encounter along the way in a lighter and more joyous way.

.

Peace 

Good morning!

It's getting so beautiful out now! I've started having my breakfast outside again. 

Here's this lovely morning, starting with coffee and gardening tools.

And look what I saw coming out of the ground in one of the greenhouses! I love mushrooms and all they represent. Maybe I'll write more about that soon.

Peace 

Somehow

We manifest in forms 

Constrained by ancient law and circumstance 

And in between these forms 

The field's wide open-

Infinity

From a dream: It's fascinating and exasperating at the same time, to explore the infinite freedom within the bounds of our lives. How are we to hold the paradox that we are constrained and also free? Yet somehow, we must learn to navigate this territory of being human.

Non-uniform field

Contentment and discontentment Are both critical to our wellbeing -RM Happiness is not a uniform state of mind. To me, happiness is rather a state of flux in a non-uniform field of being: things flowing naturally and us being aware of and aligned with that.

As always, don't believe or disbelieve what I say. Look inside and see if it is true for you.

Peace

Farm video and a tree I love

This is a video I made yesterday, giving a tour of the pasture, field and orchard: https://youtu.be/d0m5mzxbm6M

And these are pictures of an apple tree I've known since before Sena was born, so about 17 years now. It grows wild, so nobody takes care of it, but it has the most delicious apples every year, and look how beautiful it is when in bloom.

 Can you see the tiny pollinator on the flower to the right?

Peace

Take a moment to unwind

Here's some Green therapy: a beautiful little spot that the girls and I were at yesterday. I love how the sunlight sparkles off the water.

Today, Aiyana and I moved all the indoor plants outside. Finally! It looks like there will be no more night time frost.

So my little"cafe", as my mom calls it, which is nothing but the old front porch covered in flowers, is starting to shape up. I will be having my breakfast there soon.

I have no idea what this plant is called. It's a shoot that my sister gave me, which broke off a larger plant she's caring for. It's taken off, and I love it.

Geraniums (pelagroniums)

 Columbine in purple and Foxglove (digitalis) not in bloom yet. Plus our cat, Bunchie.

Begonia in the front, and Aiyana with her drawing pad. Aiyana's doing really well with the remote learning. She loves being able to sleep in, and gets her school work done diligently. She then spends time reading, drawing, sewing, hanging out with her horse, Pride, and listening to audio books.

Peace

My Bleeding Heart is blooming!

And it inspired me to write these two little poems. I hope you like them.

Through fleeting moments
And bleeding hearts
Love will last forever

-RM

When you look carefully 

Among the weeds 

You'll find 

A bleeding heart

-RM

Bleeding heart. Everybody's got one. 

Behind our anger. Behind our disappointment. Behind our exhaustion. Behind our numbness. Behind our hardening and our cynicism - lies a bleeding heart.

Be kind to everyone including yourself.

Peace

A walk in the woods

My columbines are blooming!!! 

And a short walk in the woods with Sena and Aiyana like we used to they were small. We brought hot chai and home made chocolate and peanut butter brownies. Let's face it, the walk is just a pretext for enjoying the food in a pretty place.

I know that in a few years, when they will probably move out, I'll miss these spontaneous little things we do so much.

Peace 

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to my mother!

I know it's not easy. Motherhood demands a lot. It takes everything you've got. And it also gives back more than you could ever imagine.

I hope my mom knows that I appreciate everything she's done and is still doing for me and for our entire family. I hope she has a beautiful day today and feels loved, and here's a picture of the girls that I know she will like.

As for myself, in short, I feel that the best thing I've ever done has been motherhood. Though  being a mom is the easiest and the hardest thing I've done, it is definitely the most rewarding. 

For Mother's Day today, Aiyana made me Indian food for lunch, and  for desert, she and Sena are making lemon bars. I am so happy!

This picture that Sena and Aiyana posted on their Instagram stories today moved me very much.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there! Keep doing an amazing job. Raising kids is the most important work there is. Wishing you strength and love.

Peace

Some beautiful things from this past week

There's too much sadness and confusion out there, so I want to share some beautiful things that have brought me comfort this past week:

My sister's yard, full of flowers:

 Rhododendron

 Quince

 Lily of the valley bush

There's something so soothing and reassuring in that flush of fresh green, as the woods come alive at this time of year.

 Always, the power of water

 And the peacefulness of grazing animals

Peace

2.23

Ed and Sena ran the 2.23 today in honor of Ahmaud Arbery's birthday (which incidentally is also Ed's birthday).

This brutality and violence is heartbreaking and must stop.

Rest in peace Ahmaud Arbery.

Peace

Nobody

We can be shown things
But nobody can teach us how to see

Peace

36 years later

36 years later. 2 countries later. 2 children later. Many schools later. Many jobs later. Many other things later.

I dream in different languages now

But the dream stays the same

Peace 

Nonlinear behavior

Can you be overwhelmed by beauty? Can one moment of realization, one moment of true seeing redeem? I think it can. One moment, redeeming years of suffering. Nonlinear behavior.

But really, it's not that one moment as much as all the work you've done up to it; all the ways in which you have changed and transformed, all the ways in which you have grown through the difficulties you've encountered; it's all of this long, hard work that allows you to feel redeemed as if all of a sudden.

Peace 

Flux and Dynamic Equilibrium

Prison or sanctuary. Anything, even the most blissful situation or state of mind can become a prison; and conversely, something that seems undesirable can become a sanctuary. It all depends on being able to maintain balance. What kind of balance? Every kind: inner and outer; action and mindfulness; giving and receiving; forgiveness and accountability; searching and contentment; and so on. 

How do you attain balance? Stay dynamic; stay on the edge. Don't become complacent. Rest, but don't fall asleep. Stay aware, stay changeable, stay in flux because that's how you touch the core of life. That's how you are life. 

Stay in the "I don't know", yet continue to seek to know. Certainty is not compatible with the dynamics of life. Death is the only certainty.

Honor the flux

And wherever it takes you 

Know that you're alive 

Peace

Beyond the name

You hide your magic in plain sight 

And wait for us to find

What lies behind

The names we gave you

Just because we can name things, doesn't mean we really understand them. When you look at a tree, a bird, or anything else, and you say the word "tree" or "bird" to yourself, and now you think you know, do you really?

Words are obviously very useful, but if we stop there, thinking we understand something just because we can name it, we risk staying at a very superficial level, not knowing anything at all.

How to go beyond then? If you really want to know, you will find your way. 

Happy May Day! The end of a fickle week.

Happy May Day everyone! A beautiful day to close up this fickle week.
This week has been tough and beautiful in turns. Tough because I am engaged in the long and difficult work of dismantling entrenched negative patterns within myself, which seem to be particularly apparent now that our routine is turned upside down. Beautiful because this was the last week of April, and the blooms out in the orchard are spectacular.
I know that with the fickle weather of April, with some of the cold rainy days we've had, and with all of the uncertainty of these times, many people are having a tough time. All I can say is keep working it, you're not alone, and don't forget to look around and feel the beauty of those sunny spring days.
Here's a video I made at the begining of the week: https://youtu.be/pFcMcJHV1Rw

And some pictures:

Peace