a quote i like

"the seasons come and go, summer follows spring and fall follows summer and winter follows fall, and human beings are born and mature, have their middle age, begin to grow older and die, and everything has its cycles."

from "the wisdom of no escape" by Pema Chodron

pictures from recent hikes in the woods

i feel really drawn to being in the woods at this time of year, so i've been trying to go whenever possible. i also started reading a book on identifying animal tracks, and the kids and i are trying to do that when we're out walking.

random thoughts

it's not that we believe what's true,
but rather that what we believe comes true.

----------

the part of me that's awake and alive
recognizes the part of you that's awake and alive;
that's what Love is.

walking in the woods

this past saturday, i had a really nice time by myself. it was my time off, so ed took the kids. i went to starbucks first, had some coffee and did some reading and writing. then, i went for a walk in the woods. i knew of this trail that i've seen from the car, but never taken before. it always looked really pretty, so i went there and spent about 2 hours walking around, and sitting on rocks in the sunshine.

here's a reminder of that day:

the cave

drawn to you,
i roam the woods.
on unknown paths,
i let my steps lead me.

long shadows of trees
greet me in the morning sun;
all i know is longing,
this unrelenting desire to find you.

walking this path,
i feel already soothed by Nature,
drawn to the inevitable
as i am.

i need to find you,
Friend of my heart and spirit.
how can we not meet?
in realizing this, i'm strong.

my steps lead to the entrance of a shallow cave;
the dimness inside, soothing.

i sit on rock,
close to a pool of clear water;
i make a fire
and watch shadows dance upon the walls.

Earth, Air, Water, Fire -
i am at home,
waiting for you.

eyes closed, and open,
i rock gently;
i feel protected, nurtured;

here, i belong,
here, i can wait,
for you.

time passes,
or maybe it stands still;
perception skewed, sharpened?
i cannot tell.

outside, i hear the rustling of leaves.
i know it's not the wind,
the deer, or the squirrels.

it must be your steps;
it's certainly you,
drawn here as i was,
by longing,
by knowing,
by stories we've carried inside us forever.

my face lights with anticipation
of seeing you - my Friend.
my tears are sweet;

you enter lightly, naturally,
open with joy of finding me,
knowing that this is all there's ever been:
this spiritual Kinship, and Presence.

stepping out

have you ever stepped
outside your head
for just a moment?
away from thought currents,
from everything you know?

outside your head,
a crazy place to be
no rational person would allow herself such surrender
(but that is the catch)

no rational person
could bear this much fullness
this excruciating emptiness
this much fun

this terrifying feeling of uncertainty
this letting go of everything you thought you knew
the limitless possibilities of the unknown
and the loneliness that comes along
even as you know that everyone you've ever loved,
is right there beside you,
inside you, is you

the fear of leaving the familiar
even for a second -
familiar feelings,
familiar pain
familiar comfort
familiar confines

to step outside your head
it's helpful if you're not secure,
but rather on the verge, on the edge
try to get cozy with that feeling....

you just don't know what lies ahead,
what lies within,
you just don't know what you may find
you just don't know.

but,
if you want a glimpse,
let go of certainty (you've worked so hard to get it...)

if you feel drawn to the experience
of letting go and living life that way
it may be helpful to ask yourself:
who would i be without everything i think i know about myself?

then,
sharpen your senses
and feel the peaceful ambiguity
or possibly, the sudden clarity
of the answer

thank you to my friend Tara

it was really nice to be with you!

All Is Full Of Love (Bjork)

you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it

maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at

trust your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you
all is full of love
you just aint receiving

all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love!

all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
...

in Toronto

i'm in TO right now, visiting my friends Tara and Sheldon. the kids and i did well on the drive here, which took us about 9 hours. now we're just hanging out, mostly inside the house bc it's cold outside. our 4 kids seem to be getting along really well, esp last night they played together for hours w/o any conflict. sena is learning a lot from annika, who's really good at spelling and knows all the letters.

i wish tara and i could go downtown and walk around and hang out in a cafe or something (a bookstore would be so nice too...) but with 4 kids that's out of the question... so we'll limit our outings to the library and the local parks.

more to come soon....
peace