Unexpected

 I am in Montreal unexpectedly again, with my sister. We found out that my dad is potentially quite ill, and we're here to help. He has a growth on his pancreas and there are tests being done right now to find out what it is and how it's affecting his other organs. I plan on being here a lot over the near future, traveling back and forth to and from CT.

My dad has up to now been super healthy and in good shape. He bikes and walks evey day, is very sharp mentally, has a good social support network, in short, when I thought of aging well he came to mind as the perfect example, so this is quite a shock. We'll see what the doctors find out over the next few days.

Peace

Summer recap

This summer has been amazing, and I feel so grateful.

June started off with 10 days in Istanbul with Sena and Aiyana. Istanbul is my love, and although this was my 3rd time there, it's certainly not going to be the last. I need to hear the call to prayer from a little hidden cafe overlooking the Bosphorus again. I need to feel that freedom and sheer joy and awe at the history and the beauty again.

In July, I went to Montreal for another 10 days. I spent time with my mom, dad and Aiyana, and just hung out, walking the streets where I had so much fun when I was young, reconnecting with this city that will always be my home in so many ways.

Finally, at the end of July and through most of August, I was in France and Switzerland.

The first three days in France, la Chapelle D’Abondance, hiking in the Alps — I cannot describe the beauty,  joy and freedom I felt. At some points, I was literally running with excitement as I hiked. On some of the ridges, with expansive views over valleys, villages, the sound of cow bells, the flowers and tiny little butterflies all around, I felt like if I died this moment, I would be satisfied. I have seen and experienced enough beauty. The world has shown me.

Finally, the experience at CERN, Geneva, where I spent 2 weeks in the company of 41 other teachers selected from all over the world: This was mind blowing in so many ways! Learning about particle physics at the Large Hadron Collider from top physicists and scientists and engineers! Seeing the Antimatter factory!!! Coming as close as I ever have to insight into the incredible way our universe works through physics. All this was amazing. 

Additionally, being with all the other teachers in this intense program (our schedule was no joke), I feel like we really created a very special bond. I have never before been in such an internationally collaborative atmosphere for so long. There were 3 teachers from the US, 3 from Canada, and the rest from all over the world. Speaking and working with teachers from as far away as Bhutan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Kosovo, Armenia, UK, France, etc, the one thing that stood out the most was how much we have in common rather than what is different. 

More broadly than the teacher group, the CERN campus, which is a world in itself, was also so fun. It had a really special vibe. You could just tell that the people working there, physicists, engineers, technicians, PhD students, etc. were excited about what they were doing. Even at meal times, it was so fun hearing all the languages being spoken, and that feeling of excitement and intellectual stimulation was there.

So, back home now, reflecting on my summer, and trying to integrate all these experiences into one cohesive whole, all I can feel is awe and enormous gratitude. I know that I am extremely fortunate to have been able to experience all this, and I hope that I can now take it all and let it transform me so that I can contribute even a small fraction of what I received, moving forward.

Peace

I will miss you, Istanbul

Every moment here has been so amazing. I am not ready to go back. I want to buy my tickets for next year already, haha.

This place is just so beautiful, interesting, ancient, vibrant, huzun (that special melancholy), I can't say enough and I can't get enough.

If you want to see some pictures and videos, you can go to my Turkey label on my Instagram page @earthspiritiscalling

Peace

Istanbul, days 3 and 4

Yesterday, Aiyana took us to this hidden rooftop cafe that's really hard to find, on top of the Grand Bazaar, with an amazing view. Apparently one of the James Bond movies was filmed here (Skyfall). This makes it a second location we were at with James Bond movies, the first being Lake Cuomo on Italy 

Then, we went to the Egyptian Bazaar, then over the Galata Bridge.

We also had a really nice day today. Aiyana took us to Balat, where there's a lot of Greek and Jewish cultural influence. We visited the Patriarhat of the Eastern Orthodox Church. We then walked to the Suleymanie mosque which is amazing. Then we all split up and did our own thing. I visited the Valide Sultan mosque by the Galata bridge, which had one of the most beautiful interiors I've ever seen.

Istanbul is just incredible.

Peace 

Istanbul, day 2

I love taking the ferry!

This morning, we took the ferry from Ortakoy on the European side to Uskudar on the Asian side. I went to a cafe with a view of the Bosphorus to do some grading for school, and the girls went to meet Aiyana's friend. Later, we took the ferry back to Besiktas on the European side and I had chicken pilaf, which was really good, but also comparable to the one I make, which made me happy. Then, we all met at a Cafe bookstore, and then we came home to rest.

Later, I went out by myself and found a market and bought some fresh fruit - apricots, cherries, grapes. I bought cheese pastries and bread and baklava and other sweets from the bakery. And I bought really good rice and beans from this place I had bookmarked.

Meanwhile, I'm reading my Herodotus, more specifically the parts related to Istanbul. Currently reading about when the Persians were here. It's so incredible to think that this place has seen all those stories and that I can stand in the same place as all those people long ago.

The weather has been very pleasant. Hot but not overbearing. Much better than last time I was here, which I think was late July or August.

Peace 

Istanbul, day 2

Today, Aiyana took Sena and I to all these amazing places on both the European and Asian sides of Istanbul. We visited Uskudar, a new neighborhood for me, and we spent a lot of time around the Bosphorus, which I cannot get enough of. All that history! I'm just overwhelmed in a very good way by it all, and so grateful to be able to be here again, with the girls!!! 

Istanbul day 1

I am feeling so good. Got a lot of sleep last night. Sena is still sleeping. We were so tired. But our apartment is super cute and it has a balcony and fresh jasmine in the courtyard. I can hear the Bosphorus ferries, and see the water from here.

 I went out and bought feta cheese, bread and coffee from a little store. And now I'm just relaxing on the balcony waiting for Sena to wake up. 

We're going to help Aiyana move her stuff here later on and then do whatever we feel like. 

I love the feeling of listening to the sounds of life from my quiet little spot on the balcony, watching the birds, listening to the neighbors going about their day, and feeling a bit like a witness to a small slice of life here.

Peace 

2025-2026 school year

My school year is over and I'm so excited! I feel like a little kid again with all of summer vacation ahead of me.

It was a really great year. I taught a UConn civil engineering class for the first time, and it was so much fun. My students were amazing and I will miss them so much, as they all graduated and are moving on to various engineering schools.

My physics was also really fun. I got to teach classical physics and a bit of special relativity and nuclear physics as well.

I have so much going on this summer: tomorrow, Sena and I are flying to Istanbul to be with Aiyana! 

Then, Montreal in July and Switzerland in August.

I'm really grateful for all of it .

Last day of school in my classroom:

Peace

Aiyana

I haven't seen Aiyana since January when she went to Istanbul for her study abroad, and I miss her so much!

 But fortunately, Sena and I will be traveling to Istanbul next week and we will spend 10 days together, the three of us. I'm super excited about it!

I am so proud of Aiyana. Since last summer, she has been to so many places:

Serbia (where she worked in a refugee camp all summer)

China

Turkey 

Montenegro 

Kosovo 

Albania 

Bulgaria 

India

Greece

And soon she'll go to Bosnia and Herțegovina as well.

She has grown so much as a person through all these travels and experiences. She has continued to do very well academically both at McGill and at Bogazici University in Istanbul. She has adapted and made good friends wherever she was  She's learned French and Turkish. But most of all I'm proud of her open attitude, and her beautiful, kind spirit.

So much love, forever!!!!

Congratulations Sena!!!!

I am so incredibly proud of you! Big love forever, my beautiful Sena!!!!

Peace 

Sena's Yale graduation

Tomorrow, Sena is graduating from her Master's at Yale. I am so incredibly proud of her. I have no words. I will post some pictures after the ceremony, but I am so excited and can't wait to go.

Peace

love letter

What are you running towards?

And if you’re not, that’s worse

Be on fire for something

something that cannot be known

Not well defined

Sweet uncertainty

Always seeking, seeking but not wanting

There’s no hope like

Hope without an object

A page

Good reads

I wanted to share my good reads account here in case you're interested in connecting on books:

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/200436297-raluca-mocanu

Pick it back up

5 years ago I put a bird feeder outside my classroom window. I wanted my students to have something soothing and relaxing to see when they glanced into the little courtyard outside my window. I also found it soothing myself.

But not long afterwards, I got really busy and neglected to take care of it. Water got in the feeder and I didn't get to refill it or clean it in time and pretty soon it just got sad looking.

Basically, other than my good intention and original effort, I pretty much ignored it and felt guilty about it ever since.

But today, when I looked outside, I noticed there were birds out there and the bird feeder was full! Somebody, I don't know who, decided to clean it and take care of it.

I feel so grateful for this person, whoever it is. And I love the symbolism of this whole situation: that  sometimes we can start something with good intentions, but then life gets in the way and we can't do it the way we intended. And yet, someone else may come in later unbeknownst to us and use our effort as a starting point in a way that yields good results. 

Had I not started my failed attempt,  there would not have been anything to improve upon, no birds, no outcome. So in that sense I feel inspired to think that even something that looks like a failed attempt right now may serve as a start point for someone else and work out in ways we don't expect later.

Peace

Geneva! and Istanbul

 I recently got some amazing news: I was selected to go to Geneva, Switzerland for 2 weeks, to participate in a program at CERN on particle physics. I will be learning from and collaborating with CERN physicists and physics teachers from around the world, focusing on accessible ways in which we can bring particle physics back to our students. We will be visiting and learning about the Large Hadron Collider, and I am so excited! 

Earlier in the summer, in June, Aiyana, Sena and I are meeting in Istanbul and probably going to visit Cappadochia.

Those are my plans for the summer and in the meantime, I am focusing on finishing this year and enjoying my students while they're still with me. Many of them are graduating and I will really miss them.

Peace

Best reply

Margaux, Aiyana's friend had the absolute best comeback ever when I told her we're getting divorced. She said "I'm sorry and congratulations". I think that's the best and most appropriate thing she could have said to me. I felt truly seen.

Freedom

Anihilate the sense of self 

What are you protecting so fiercely?

A made-up thing

Photo by amazing Aiyana who's killing it in Istanbul 

let the pain do its work

I found a little wing stuck to me today. What a beautiful reminder of transformation, I thought. So I put it in my journal along with a little poem:

Peace

Real

I want to be real, as real as possible though this time of transition. With myself and everyone else. Divorce is still such a taboo, shame-filled topic, with many pre-fabricated narratives around it. I'll try to stay away from that.

It's hard.  Some days I feel like I'm numb and watching what's happening from a distance. Even though I know it's the right thing, and I want to go ahead with it, I find myself in a state of disbelief. After 25 years of defining myself by this identity that so strongly revolved around Ed, I can't comprehend who will be the "I" left away from that. I will have to find out. 

It's also incredibly freeing. I feel like I'm starting life over again. Some days, that feels exhilarating. I know a few things about myself and the world, I have what I need, I've learned a lot, and most importantly I feel like I want to be here! I still love life, and I am still excited, curious! I want to learn a lot and give a lot, which feels like a pretty sweet combination. 

Life feels wide open in a way it hasn't in a long time. I kind of like the idea of shedding some of my identity and starting over without expectations, without negativity, without anything to prove. 

Some days everything seems so clear and so simple, and on those days I am simply grateful to be here, to experience, and to see what happens. I look forward to little things, I want to "smell the lilacs and taste the cherries", like in a song I recently heard by Pomme, and I am eager to do what I can, contribute in whatever way I can, while still here.

Peace