Crocus

Look what came out of the ground today! After those long, dark winter days, through the frozen ground, among last year's decay, as if to remind us that there are always new beginnings, new seasons, new hope.  

Let the new growth of spring encourage you. No matter how hard or gloomy a place you find yourself in, plant a seed, physically or metaphorically, and trust that in its own time and season it will bloom.

Happy Easter!

Expansion

Remember that amazing picture of the woman sitting in meditation, with cracks going through her body and light shining from within, which I posted on March 18th. I found out more information about it: it is a sculpture called Expansion, and the artist's name is Paige Bradley. The story behind it is beautiful.

I actually ended up emailing Paige Bradley my poem, which is also in the March 18 post, and which I was inspired to write by her sculpture. I didn't expect her to write back, just wanted to let her know that her sculpture touched me. But she did email me back and said she really likes my poem and finds it inspiring. I'm really glad!

I also wanted to say thank you so much to those who responded to my post and helped me find more info about Paige Bradley's and her amazing sculpture, Expansion.

Peace

Farming

This morning Sena and Aiyana gave a presentation about farming to children from three different schools.

Then we came home for the real thing- the first big harvest of the season. We're having a farm sale tomorrow 3 to 6 pm. Feel free to stop by if you want.

It felt so good to be outside today! I felt a bit bad for those little kids we saw in the morning, most of whom would spend the whole day indoors. 

I hope you were able to get out and enjoy the sun a little.

Peace 

Wipe out the noise

May we find our own signal amidst all the noise and confusion we're surrounded with, and help others to do the same. May we be gentle and fierce in our work.



Walk in beauty.

Peace 

March for our lives

My sister and I went to the March for our lives anti gun violence rally in Hartford today.

Meanwhile, Ed took Sena and Aiyana and their cousin Julia to a showing of Sonic Sea presented by CSI Youth Group in East Hartford.

I'm so inspired by these young people taking action on important issues like gun violence and environmental health. Thank you to all of them for doing this for all the rest of us. We have put them in a situation where they have no choice but to take action. Their lives and their future are literally at stake. Health and strength to them!

Sena wore this whale tail poncho I knitted for her today for the movie showing 

Peace 

Always rising

Thorough fear and darkness

Cowardice and shame,

Self loathing,

I remember 

To look up at the sky,

Open, vast,

Holding all there is 

Unambiguously 

Storms coming and going 

And the sun

Rising to illuminate

Today is water day. Be mindful. Every day should be water day, but this is a beginning. Whether we realize it or not, we are supported by the earth, the elements, such as air and water, and the creatures around us. Our lives are possible because of them. May we respect and thank them, and do our best too, rising to illuminate the darkness around us. May we walk in beauty.

Peace

First day of spring!

Spring Equinox, first day of spring! Time to plant your seeds. Whether it be in the ground, or in your heart and mind, or in others' hearts and minds. Physical seeds, mental, emotional, spiritual seeds. Seeds of love and caring towards ourselves, those close to us and those far away. What do we do with them? How do we grow them?

A gardener chooses her best seeds and plants them. She waits, trusting that Life and the elements will come together to help them grow at the right time. She knows that she cannot grow them alone, yet she also knows her role is crucial. She tends them at the right time. She prunes them when necessary. She works in harmony with the life force. She neither places undue pressure on herself, nor sits back waiting for things to happen on their own.

We are the gardeners of our own lives. So what seeds are you planting this season? What part of yourself would you like to nurture and manifest? Some things take a very long time to manifest, and some are quite fast. But regardless, you must plant, and you must trust that the Life force will help you along to make  things grow.

A gardener never gives up. He knows that as long as the sun is shining, the rain is falling and the earth is under his feet, as long as he's alive, he can sow seeds and watch them grow. He will encounter unexpected setbacks, he may have to plant and replant. But this is the true work, so, he chooses his best seeds and grows.

Picture was taken at our farm by Molly Deegan last season.

Peace 🌎☀️

Contribute

I always have a great desire to contribute to the world, and many times this can be frustrating because how do you measure or assess your contribution? Sometimes the most important contributions we can make are quite  invisible and intangible.

But there are exceptions, moments when I can clearly see the results of my work, such as when I bring the first fresh greens of the season to the table, and feed them to my family, and see their appreciation. That feels very tangible and brings me a lot of satisfaction.

 These are lettuces 

And arugula

I made wraps with rice and beans, avocados, olives, cheese, hot sauce and  the fresh mustard and arugula greens I harvested. They were really good.



In the greenhouse, when the sun is out, I can be barefoot and in short sleeves. There's no source of heat other than the ☀️

Unrelated to the greens, but I'm posting this picture of Aiyana anyway...

I also posted my latest farm video on YouTube a couple of days ago. If you want to see more of the greenhouse and animals, here it is:

https://youtu.be/AvjDvqsWu-0

Peace

Illuminate

Sit with your brokenness

Just as you are-

afraid, and naked, and alone.

The light within

will heal you.

To the extent that you've known pain,

To the extent that you've known hope

To the extent that you allow yourself to feel
What's truly in your heart

Will it be possible to love

And bring light to another.

I love this picture, especially the cracks and the light shining from within. I got it off a FB page I follow, but it gave no source. If anyone knows where this is, would you let me know?

Head up

"It's better to feel pain than nothing at all 

The opposite of love is indifference

....

Keep your head up, love"

The Lumineers, Stubborn love 

Pictures are from yesterday: the Willimantic River, Keri's farm and our house.

Permanent attitude

Martin Luther King Jr. said: "Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude."

But before being able to truly forgive others, we must forgive ourselves. 

Forgiving ourselves and healing ourselves in general, the way I see it, is not about self indulgence. We are here. We have work to do. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves enough so we can move on and do our work. I don't mean paid work necessarily, but the kind of work that we, as humans can contribute to life. The kind of work that we are all qualified for just by being us.

Whatever gifts I have, whatever goodness I can bring to the world, recognized or not, paid or not, that is what I think is the work I am here to do.

So let's start by forgiving ourselves every day and letting ourselves move on so that we can forgive others too, and allow our lives and our unique gifts to be a contribution for good in the world.

Water

I wince when I hear water referred to as a resource, because to me, resources are equated with things we often feel free to abuse.

Water is primordial and essential. Water is life. What we do to the water, we do to ourselves. What we put in the water, we put into ourselves.

Water is sacred in many cultures past and present. It represents our deep connection to the earth and to each other. The Tao Te Ching urges us to be like water, soft, supple, yielding and infinitely strong.

So next time you have a sip of water, stop for a moment and be mindful. Realize that this water connects you with every living being. It connects you to mountains and valleys and oceans. It connects you to the ones you love, be they near or far. Give respect to the water and don't pollute it. Don't waste it and try not to use single use plastic bottles that end up polluting the water in the end.

Give thanks to the water if you feel moved to. Tell it your troubles and your dreams. Water can be a great teacher. It was Bruce Lee's great teacher. Do what feels good to you, but build a good connection with water.

Live sings "Our love is like water" and that feels right to me. May every sip of water make you feel loved and connected.

Peace 

Happy Birthday Roxi!

Today I am so happy because it is my sister's birthday!

Happy birthday to her, and may she continue to sing her unique  life song, and be her beautiful, unpretentious self, touching all of us around her with her giving presence. Love and respect to her, and much gratitude for having her close to me.

Also, special thanks to her for being the spark that ignited my love of animals, cooking and cozy home. When we moved to the US back in 99, I was a city girl, with not much knowledge of the natural world. But after living with my sister in Clinton, CT, and being around her, seeing how much she cared about polar bears and other animals, that planted a seed in me that later grew into a different lifestyle and led me to a different way of relating to the world. Those years down by the shore in CT with my sister were a real turning point in my life, for many reasons, and I am so grateful that we spent them living together.

Even though my sister and I are very different in some ways, even opposites, one of the greatest gifts she gives me is that she always makes me feel special in being who I am, instead of judged. She makes me want to be more me, and that is a rare gift. I hope to learn from her and be able to pass that gift on to others.

🐱🐓🐄🐬☀️🦋🐝🕷🦊🐞🐿♥️🌎🙏

Test

I had such a great time in NYC yesterday! The ceremony was very beautiful, and I met some incredible women from all over the world- Denmark, New Zealand, Peru, and the US. I contributed to the ceremony by singing a song for the earth, which I learned at the sweat lodge. My heart was filled with so much love and joy the whole day, and so much hope too. There really are so many amazing, caring people out there, working to help the world and all its creatures in many different ways. I am inspired and refreshed by my day yesterday and wanting to do my part to help in whatever way I can.

Today I'm back on the farm, and we're having another beautiful snow storm.

A quote from Richard Bach:

"Here's the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't."

I got it off the FB page of one of the women I met yesterday, and I love it.

Peace 🙏🌎

NYC

I am in New York City today for a sacred pipe ceremony held near the UN by elders from all over the world (my friend Bert among them). It's a ceremony for healing the earth. So I came to support this beautiful effort. 

But I had some time before the ceremony, so I walked around a bit and found some good food:  cheeses at Eataly, and a little French cafe for a nice coffee, croissant, and a little chocolate. Life is good🌎

Peace 🙏

Love and strength

Sometimes I feel like I still have so many basic questions, like the ones below. I have a feeling they will take a lifetime to figure out (if I'm lucky). I could be daunted by this, but right now all I feel is excitement at knowing there's so much left to learn...

How can you be strong and at the same time abandon yourself to love?

What kind of strength is it to love another, and yet not burden them with your need and expectation that they conform to your image?

How do we learn that kind of love? By doing it and messing it up and doing it again and again...

Light

Our work is to shine our light into the darkness that is within and around us. What is our light? Whatever understanding we may have, whatever truth, kindness, beauty, love. Whatever may be of use to this world in some way. We don't have to be perfect or enlightened to be of use. We don't have to wait for our struggles to be over, our problems to be worked out. In many ways, they never will be. We all have gifts to bring to the world right now, just as we are. Our work is to find these gifts, (and that is not so hard, because we do know what our gifts are), and share them even as we wade through the muck of our ongoing personal struggles. 

We don't have to wait for the right career or the right anything to come along. We all have something to share: a kind word or deed, a piece of art we made, a kind look, a hug, a helpful small act. Even a kind thought or a good intention that will one day be transformed into action. Let's not let all these beautiful little gifts that we naturally have be wasted while we wait for something big to come along, something recognized by others.

Like the candles in this picture, soon our lights will be extinguished. So let us not be held back by fear, perfectionism, or by looking for approval or reward. Let's take what we've got and be brave with it. All we have in the end, is what we give. I really believe that. Besides, what do we have to lose?


Peace 🙏

Beautiful snow

Same shot as the one I posted yesterday, but outside looks quite different, right?

In the lower left corner is Sena cleaning snow off the car before I drove her to college.

I took these pictures while doing my morning chores. I love fresh, fluffy snow.

Upside down wheelbarrow sticking up from under the snow.




Peace 

A favorite corner

I recently organized this corner of the house and I love it now. Mainly because of the flowers.

When I hear your story,

The details and the circumstance

That brought you here,

It all makes sense.

How can I blame 

Or judge you?

Just wish you well

And root for you 

To find the strength,

honor your life.

And may I too find strength 

To honor mine 

Wall of resistance

I stand before you 

My wall of resistance

So tall and broad, so unassailable 

How will I ever move past you?

Over and over

Connect with what there is-

The fear, sorrow, shame 

Open your heart,

And let them in,

Along with hope, excitement, joy 

See them, hear them, feel them

Until they're ready

To move on 

I cannot break the wall 

But one day I will move right through it 

As it dissolves, and I dissolve

And we are one.

Life is a tough friend

Life will break us, again and again.

This is the only way to find what is unbreakable.

Success and failure

Not sure I like thinking in terms of success and failure (I like thinking in terms of lessons learned better). Yet, it's hard to get away from these concepts, so deeply embedded into our society and ourselves. So if you're going to think like this,  I think it's useful to remember what Chogyam Trungpa said:

Egyptian food

My mom has been spending some time with us, here in CT. Today, she and I walked to an Egyptian restaurant that recently opened near our house, called Alladin. The food was really good and I had a great time talking with my mom about her trips and other experiences.

Our lunch: Chicken Kobabs, tabuleh and hummus. Yum!

I like this picture of my mom and I 


Peace 

But still

Frazzled is how I feel today, even though it's not too cool to feel like this on a beautiful day like today, but I've been running around everywhere with kids activities and errands, and being late for everything and tense and snappy. But still, they say to stop and smell the flowers, and I did, these beautiful snowdrops, always the first to come out of the ground and bloom. I stopped to smell their amazing fragrance, which always reminds me of when I was 5 years old in Romania, playing in mountain meadows. Then I went back to running around all day.

Peace 

In the hay

Look what I found hidden in the hay this morning when I went to feed the cows. I guess the hens like this spot too...

Ask for

Whatever your suffering is, ask not that it be taken away, for without suffering you won't know joy or beauty, and you won't know how to relate or truly love another.

Ask instead for the tools you need to bear it, to transform it. Ask for patience so that you may learn what your suffering is there to teach you, and ask for strength to be able to move on in a good way.

Peace 

Smile at fear

Some days I can, most days I can't. But I am learning.

I'm riding that horse, which we all do (life) and I am not so stable in the saddle yet. Often, I get thrown right off and spend quite a bit of time wondering, lost, trying to find my way. Other times, the feeling of freedom is unbelievable, and everything is so simple, and I can ride anywhere.

I give thanks to teachers like Pema Chodron and her teacher, Chogyam Trungpa, whose book "Smile at fear" I am currently reading; I thank them for sharing with the rest of us what they have learned about staying in the saddle.

Peace 

Sena in Nantucket

Sena and Ed will soon be heading to Nantucket. Sena will do a couple of presentations, one at the Nantucket Historical Society (see description below) and another at a school. She's been preparing for this visit for months, and is very excited about it. She's also hoping to learn more about marine mammal rescue from one of the long-time activists who lives there, who has become a mentor.



Thursday, February 22:
“A 14-year-old’s Lifelong Passion for Whales and the Environment” with Sena Wazer, President of Cetacean Society International Youth Group
Join the NHA and Sena Wazer, Founder of the Cetacean Society Youth Group, as she discusses how her passion for whales and the environment started, her involvement in Cetacean Society International Youth Group, and problems facing the North Atlantic Right Whales and some solutions to those problems.  Sena Wazer is 14 years old and has been working to protect whales, dolphins, porpoises, and the environment since she was five years old.

Contradictions, Jaguar Medicine

I've let you mold me,

though I am made of that which has no shape;

I've cowered fearfully before you,

and still I know
that I am fierce;

I am the fire that warms you,

the one that burns you;

I am the one who believes in you

though I roam beyond belief;

I am the doe,
the mountain lion that kills the doe;

My heart opens and breaks

again and again

to make space

to hold
all that I am
all that you are.


painting by Susan Seddon Boulet

And from Jamie Sams and David Carson's Medicine Cards, on Jaguar medicine: 

"Jaguar medicine teaches you that personal integrity allows for mistakes, embraces forgiveness, and humbly makes self-dirrected corrections, allowing a rebalanced spirit to triumph...

Integrity requires a forgiving and open heart. Compassion and mercy are also needed. Self-blame or pointing fingers at others only shows your lack of integrity...Jaguar always warns you to correct any need to control others, any abuses of influence, any form of manipulation, moralistic judgements, dishonesty, hidden agendas, envy, greed, or victim-like jealousy that may be affecting your life." 

I am grateful for these beautiful teachings.

Peace

...
 

Kempo Creed

Sena and Aiyana had some fun with the iMovie app, and made this 1 minute trailer about the Karate Kenpo Creed. Enjoy

Strawberry koan

Having some fun with the strawberry, mice and tiger koan. So true to life, it feels like therapy.

In case you don't know this koan, here it is from www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/18aparable.html

Buddha told a parable in sutra:

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

Love these guys so much

Animal friends at Shundahai and Iris Creek Farms - so grateful for these guys.
Clockwise from top left corner: Sena with Jupiter; extreme nosey closeup of Jupiter; goat and chickens whose names I don't know; Ruby the donkey and Keri; Mable; and Aiyana with Pride and Pico, the miniature pony, in the back.

And here is Max Ehrmann's Desiderata, a poem I've come across before, and again recently, which I always find beautiful, comforting and life affirming. Enjoy.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass. 
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself. 
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 

Peace

The book

When I was born, my aunt gave me a birthday present: a little golden book pendant on a gold chain. I didn't wear it much, but I've always treasured it and had it put away in a special box all these years. Now that I turned 46, I took it out and started wearing it, as a reminder. If this were the book of my life, what would I write, how would I fill the reminding empty pages? It's fun to think about this, and also a little scary. 

And you, how would you fill your blank pages?

🙏🌏❤️☀️🦊

Love

February at Shundahai Farm

Turning 46 today

Still the black sheep...

Thank you to my parents for giving me this precious life and doing their best for me and my sister. Thank you for bringing us to Canada and giving us new opportunities in life.

It's a beautiful day today and I am so grateful for just being here and for all the love I feel in my life. Thank you also for being part of my world through this blog and have a beautiful day!

🦋🐂🐳🕷🐋🐜🐛

Peace to all 

Iris Creek Farm

I love our friends at Iris Creek Farm, Kerry's farm, where Aiyana rides. They're such gentle souls, and they always brighten up my day. Moses is the one with the horns. 

Peace 

Mumford & Sons

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. 

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair". 

-from After the storm

Healing the Child

I want to share this article on Healing the child within, from renowned Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. It's pretty long, but if you're at a point in life where you need to be reminded of these teachings, you won't care about that.

Peace

Goal- Hemingway's list

I set for myself a goal earlier this year: to read Hemingway's list, which you can see half way down through this article from Maria Popova.

https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/01/04/with-hemingway-arnold-samuelson-writing/

I just finished Anna Karenina, and am now starting on The Red and The Black by Stendhal. I'm kind of excited to have a goal like this again, highly impractical and just for myself...

Eat the strawberry

What if we're here

precisely to suffer

to be broken

to learn how to bear it,

and how to move with it?

I'm not one to be soothed by some idea of salvation,
But what if tasting the strawberry on the brink of the precipice
is it?

Entire industries are built

on the avoidance of suffering

Everyone trying to sell you some thing, idea or dream

that will distract you,

for even a short a time,

from what you know and what you feel. 

What if we trusted heartbreak as a sign

that life is strong within us?

What if there's nothing better,

than what your life is
right now,
in all its messiness?

Would you still laugh?
Would your eyes still light up?
Would you still eat the strawberry?

Reach out to life and let it touch you.

(The strawberry is from a Buddhist story I read years ago, about a man hanging precariously on the side of a precipice, with a tiger above him and one below, who saw a strawberry near where he was, reached out, and ate it.)

Happy Groundhog Day!
Peace

Kerry's farm and ours

This is Kerry's farm, where Aiyana rides. Kerry has the cutest, friendliest animals: goats, sheep, horses, chickens. I absolutely love the feel of her farm. And she always seems so calm, working with her animals. Aiyana is learning Natural Horsemanship from her, which is a way with working with horses (but it applies to other animals and people as well) in a way that's non-aggressive, and is respectful of the animals' natural behavior. So for horses, instead of pulling on their mouths with a rein for instance, you learn their natural body language and signals, and most importantly you establish a connection with them such that you can communicate with each other. Some of the people that developed Natural Horsemanship were abused themselves and had horrendous childhoods, and developed this method out of that awareness, of how it feels to be pushed to do something against your will, through force, fear and aggression.

Next to me is a pigmy goat. Aiyana is riding Pride, a 23-year-old horse.

And this is around our farm. Look at those cats! They know how to live. No apologies.

Peace