Little Mind, Big Mind

One is mine, the other one also.

One is tangled in worries, fears, ambitions, pride, excitement.

Sometimes it is happy.

The other is free, expansive, contemplative, accepting,

At peace with all that is. Always.

I’ve walked with them for years,

And only recently acknowledged how they rule my life.

When Little Mind causes agitation,

Or too much excitement,

I call on Big Mind.

Sometimes, that brings calm.

When Big Mind sweeps me away, too far,

I call on Little Mind to help me clean the kitchen.

I am grateful for Little Mind,

With its sharp, narrow focus,

Ruler of Daily Activity.

Without it how can I be a mother, farmer, a person that lives among others?

How can I get anything done?

I am grateful for Big Mind, my Teacher,

Knower of Mountains and Valleys,

Thunder and Rain,

Tiny creatures,

The holiness of the Earth,

Seer of infinite things.

It brings me glimpses of Joy and Beauty,

And soothes like nothing else can.

Little Mind, Big Mind,

Being human, walking both.

two of a kind (makes me think of a happy "American Gothic")

my morning coffee ritual just got better as a friend gave me this antique manual grinder. it works well, and it fits in the kitchen better than the electric one i used before.

Sunday

today, ed and aiyana went to the flea market with one of our friends to look for farm equipment.
sena and i stayed home. we made a really nice lunch for ourselves: sena ground some wheat and baked chapatis. i made baba ghanouj with our eggplants; we also had fresh mozarella, basil, tomatoes, and red onions. very satisfying.

the deer were not dissuaded by the lures ed placed on the electric fence last night. they came in anyway and ate more carrots. ed ended up shooting one. we had a friend come over and pick it up - his family wanted the meat. it's always a difficult experience for all of us when the deer get in...

deer damage

looks like we're getting deer damage again. they're eating the carrot tops and apples. ed's going to try baiting the electric fence so that they get a stronger shock than they've been getting, which hopefully will discourage them from coming in. i hope that works.

more on the family cow

i've been learning a lot about cows lately. reading, visiting different farms and talking to people. one thing that strikes me is how generous the people we visited have been with their time and sharing of what they know.

last week we visited an abbey in Bethlehem, CT. the nuns who live there have 400 acres, and their place is beautiful. it's a kind of homestead, and of course religious community; they live there and produce much of their own food. the nun we met with is in charge of the milking cows. she took a few hours with us, showing us her animals, the pastures they are rotated through, and their barns and milking parlor, as well as the creamery, where they turn their raw milk into gorgeous butter, creamy yoghurt and all kinds of cheeses. we were told that another nun is in charge of the gardens, where she grows food and preserves for the winter months. apparently most of what the nun produce is for their own use, with very little for sale and only when they have extra.
the abbey had a very idylic feel about it, so much so that sena and aiyana asked me if they could be nuns. yes, living away from the cares and craziness of the world, providing for your own needs, in rythm with nature is certainly an appealing ideal. but there is more to being a nun, and i tried to explain that.

as of now, we seem to be leaning towards two heritage multipurpose cow breeds: dexters and devons. we are looking for 2 cows with the following characteristics:

• hardy and vigurous, for year-round rotation on pasture. the main reason we are getting cows is for soil health and fertility. we plan to integrate them with our vegetable production, rotating them in a way that will improve soil, build good pasture, and ensure long term, sustainable fertility.

• good temperament so that the kids can be around them on a regular basis, milking and caring for them
• low milk production, since the milk will be only for our own needs

there is no financial reward for us in doing things this way, quite the opposite actually. but there are other rewards, such as building a more sustainable homestead for ourselves; teaching sena and aiyana practical skills that they can use to live independently if they chose to; and doing what's good for the earth.

peace

food preservation for the winter months

last friday i spent the whole day in the kitchen. i canned tomato sauce and froze/vacuum sealed red and green peppers, and peaches. i still have beans to do, but we're starting to have a nice stock of food for the winter. sena helped, as you see in this picture, she picked the peaches, and did the vacuum sealing.

peace

muffins and cows

peaches are in. melons too. we're eating lots of fresh fruit these days.

sena and aiyana ate about 10 peaches each yesterday morning, and when ed suggested that maybe that's enough, they decided to make muffins and sell them at the CSA. ed and i were busy all day picking and prepping for the CSA so we did not get involved with their project at all. sena's idea was to sell the muffins and donate the money to the whale organization she's been involved with, CSI (Cetaceans Society International). we only have one mufin tray, so they ended up making 3 batches of 6 peach muffins. the muffins were a hit, especially hot out of the oven as they were. they were tasty too, i had one. between muffins and straight donations that people made for the whales, sena and aiyana raised about 35 dollars. i have to say that i am really proud of how they took initiative and got this done. i think most people thought that i made the muffins and the kids were just selling them to be cute, but i really had nothing to do with it at all, and was just as surprised to see them at their little table with the whale sign, selling, as anyone else. also, i don't think people realized they were getting top quality ingredients, such as fresh peaches just picked off our tree, freshly ground local wheat, local maple syrup made by a friend, etc.

this past weekend ed and i went cow shopping. we visited 2 farms in the Berkshires to learn more about pastured cows, and possibly buy a couple. both farms were beautiful. one was owned by an older woman who is a medical doctor and a farmer. part of her doctoring is to treat people right there on the farm, by getting them involved with farm work to their level of ability. i think she treats all kinds of things, but she mentioned cancer and mental stuff. her property was beautiful, and if i were sick that's the kind of place i'd want to be treated at. she had 2 dutch belted cows for sale, and we spent some time looking at them. she also had pigs and chickens, as well as vegetables and fruit trees on her farm. she said that her involvement with farming is not for money, but for the freedom and lifestyle it allows her. i liked her a lot.

the second farm was much bigger, but also beautiful. 200 acres of land, with cows, pigs, goats and chickens all in rotation, all with their functions: cows for grazing pastures, chickens for following the cows and controlling fly populations, goats to clear brush, and pigs to till and open up new land in forested areas. the farmer who works there owns the animals, but not the land. he makes money by selling meat, raw milk, eggs, and other products from the animals. he is a young guy, who seemed humble and low key, but also knowledgeable and willing to share what he knows. i also liked him very much, and the other people who worked with him.

tonight and tomorrow we are going to see more cows, and this weekend we're going to vermont for the same reason. when i spoke to the farmer in vermont and told him that i was from montreal, he told me that the botanical gardens there have a wonderful exhibit on display right now, so for my friends and family living there, check it out.

thoughts

i like to work.
working for money can obscure other more imporant reasons for working.

it's good to know your own history, where you come from. there's a certain peace in it.

there's a kind of memory that's stored in the senses, which is very powerful, and maybe the longest lasting. like the smell of fresh cool mountain air, or freshly cut hay, or the smell of the ocean, or the way you felt about someone on a certain autumn day. i'd like to learn more about this kind of memory.

it's good to learn the ways of humans, at least enough to get around and to know how you got to where you are, and then, it's good to unlearn and blend in with beings that are more sane and permanent.

peace

caprese sandwich

been having a lot of these recently, and sena and aiyana can't get enough:

• slice of fresh, crusty, home-made bread (can skip if gluten-free), piled with:
• freshly made basil pesto, or a few leaves of fresh basil
• fresh mozarella (i also like feta, or fresh chevre would be good too)
• roasted eggplant, sliced thinly before roasting and seasoned with salt and pepper
• thick slice of fresh, juicy, ripe tomato
• salt and pepper sprinkled on top

simple and satisfying, this is truly a feast for the senses, but everything has to be fresh, otherwise i think most what makes it good is lost.

peace

before i go to bed i like to read for about 15-20 minutes (more if possible, but usually i don't last longer than that). here's what i've been reading:

• the bible of soil science, as one friend reffered to it, The Nature and Properties of Soils. amazing book. i can relate to and apply so much of it. glad i'm reading it now, not a few years ago, when much of it would've been theoretical and would've gone over my head.
• a history book about the Ottoman Empire, called Lords of the Horizons, because it reminds me of things i learned in history class in Romania, and because i think i will find clues to my past in it.
• a book on cheese making, because i might be getting into that this winter. i think we're getting a cow soon.

misty, sunny morning

it has been so pleasant out these past few days: sunny, cool, and low humidity. i can't get enough of it.
this morning was misty and sunny at the same time, really beautiful, and i got a picture of it. you can see one of our fields with lettuces, sweet potatoes, peppers, beans, and in the tunnels arugula, mustard and mizuna greens; the bare-looking ground is a recent planting of carrots.

and these are our onions, recently harvested and drying in the sun

peace

sky reflections in dew drops on asparagus

these simple gifts all around us if we could only notice.

stormy sky

luxury

being a farmer has its own luxuries. like eating raspberries barefoot in the bushes, at the end of a hot day, until i can eat no more. a lot of raspberries. like $50 worth. and no worries about staining my clothes either.

eggplant and a funky carrot. i think eggplant are beautiful.

 tomatoes are 10 ft tall in the greenhouse

garlic harvest is over, garlic hanging in the barn

peace

Life can be so beautiful.

Right now, we can barely keep up with all the work we have. Actually, we’re not keeping up, we’re behind. I can get lost in that feeling of how much there is to do, how many different needs to attend to: the fields, the customers, my family.

Yet, when I stop, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. It is such a beautiful and plentiful time of the year. So much abundance, so much that we are given. Making a simple lunch with fresh picked tomatoes, basil, garlic, kale, is a meditation in itself. These fruits from the earth sustain us in body, and for me, equally important, they sustain my spirit. I am humbled to be a witness to all the changes that are taking place outside day after day, season after season. I feel so lucky that I live on a farm and that my work is with the earth, the elements, and Nature itself.

I don’t want to idealize this lifestyle. It’s hard and exhausting on many levels. But for me, right now, it feels so real and alive, that even when it’s hard, I don’t want anything else.

Just before I moved to the US in 1999, while I was still in Montreal, I had a dream. I dreamed that I was walking on a well-trodden path in a park, when I noticed a large pit to one side. There were other people walking on the path, but nobody was going towards the pit. I could see wild animals in there, and I felt like I had to go and get close to them. I entered the pit and found myself in a different world. The wild animals were fierce but I was not afraid, just fascinated. It felt harsh to be in there, but there was also a freedom and a vital sense of reality. Then, I looked back to the path I had come from, and thought about where I was and all of a sudden, in one instant fear set in. The animals didn’t treat me any differently, but I was now afraid of them, and they looked much fiercer. I started backing out towards the path, keeping one eye on the animals. Just before I got out of the pit, I looked back and considered staying, but the fear was too strong. I got back out on the path, and started walking. Other people were there walking just like before, but I felt so different.  I looked back to the pit, and felt overwhelming regret. I felt like I had just ended the most authentic experience I ever had.

This dream stayed with me since I had it. It comes to mind when things are especially hard or especially beautiful in my life. Farming is like being in that pit, and I hope that its harsh reality does not take from me its beauty.

some thoughts from my father

my father sent the few lines below in an email from romania to my mom, my sister and i.
i think what he's saying is valuable and thought i'd share it.

This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I thought about how much confusion there is in the world. The most precious things are free - water, air, the health which we are given at birth – or very cheap (like tomatoes and feta cheese). Yet, we, under societal pressures, do everything we can to ruin them. We are not content with what is simple and free; we want expensive things in order to be accepted in the social circles we’re part of and to impress others. Instead of spending time with family and friends, we work overtime and ruin our health in order to buy things we don’t need; we encourage the industries that produce these things to pollute the air, water, our food, etc. Even so we are not happy, because the things we acquire through so much effort get old are outdated, and so on. And so we continue with this pointless race towards material happiness with slips through our fingers.

record setting

we harvested our largest and heaviset tomato so far - a heirloom named pruden's purple. it weighed 2.4lbs.

and here are 2 pictures of ed harvesting peas. the plants are 10ft tall (not a record - last year they were that tall or maybe a bit taller). this year ed devised a new method of harvesting, by attaching 2 milk crates to his boots with bungee cords, so he can reach the highest pods and be able to walk along the row without stopping to move the crates. it worked well but looked really funny.

peace

heat

this heat has been great for the plants. we've had an explosion in the past week, unbelievable growth, litteraly overnight. many of the crops that were set back by the crazy rain we got a few weeks back are recovering nicely thanks to the heat.
for me, i have to admit, working in 90+ degrees F, and with the high humidity, is hard. the best way i found to deal with it is not to think about it, but to just keep working. and drinking. it seems that if i start thinking about how hot i am, i feel more tired and lethargic. also, taking a break is tricky, because it helps but then i just don't have energy to go back out there. we were joking this week that working in this heat is like being in the sweat lodge, but without the luxury of simply sitting there.

i did actually go to a sweat lodge yesterday, and it felt great to be there as always. "living in the truth" kept popping in my head, like some kind of message i needed to give or receive or follow, and it's been on my mind since. what does it mean to live in the truth? i think i know what it means not to - i know what it's like to waste time pretending. but living in the truth, and what exactly that entails, on a practical and daily basis, that's something else, not so easy. but worth pursuing, i think.

peace

our first heirloom tomato of the season

it weighed 1.3lbs and it was delicious.

to me, every fruit that comes out of the ground is a miracle. think about it: how do soil, water, sun and a million other things come together to make a tomato that goes on to become part of our body?

peace

lunch

today for lunch we had:

• raw kale salad
• raw carrots, cucumbers, and sugar snap peas, fresh from the garden
• kale and dill spanakopita
• lentil-quinoa salad with fresh parsley and dill
• strawberries

everything was simple and fresh and delicious. the best part was watching sena and aiyana enjoy all the fresh veggies, and knowing that their growing bodies are nourished in a good way. when people ask why we farm, that's the top reason.

my mom will like this picture of her 5 grandaughters

sena, aiyana, julia, stella, and lucy

the rains

we got about 10 inches of rain in the past week. the average normal is 1 inch per week, as far as i know. i've never seen our field so wet. i don't want to touch the plants or walk around too much for fear of spreading disease or compacting the soil. it's very mucky out there, and our boots sink in deep. there was standing water in the spinach patch a couple of days ago, and the potato beds were started to erode. i drove by the fied of one farmer i know down in the valey, and half of his field was covered by a foot of water. i felt sick to see it. we're up high on the hill but even so, the ground is saturated, and we're seeing standing water and little rivuilets running through our fields, first time ever.
i've seen some fungal disease starting in the beets, cercospora, in one bed. i think i'm going to pull them all out so it doesn't spread somewhere else.
despite all this, however, most of the plants still look good. the CSA has been going very well also, so overall everything is OK, but i do feel somewhat anxious. the plants have been stressed a lot by all this water and cold temps, and i'm just hoping that they'll get a break now so they can be healthy.

my mom just got back from europe and said that the danube is 8 meters above its normal level. it's crazy. better learn how to grow your own.
 
peace

sena and aiyana

sena has been making bread: crusty on the outside, soft on the inside, delicious. she grinds her own wheat berries before baking, and uses a sour-dough starter which she got from my sister. these are some of her loaves

 aiyana with her strawberry harvest

more aiyana

peace

yesterday i overheard sena and aiyana talking. they were talking about god and the great spirit. aiyana asked sena if she believes, and sena said that she believes in the rocks and the trees. i thought about what she said and i will adopt that as my own answer next time someone asks me what i believe in. i love the simplicity of it, and for me it feels absolutely true.

been too busy to write, but here are some recent pictures

sunday, relax time

rainbow over our farm

the past two weeks have been crazy. ed got sick, really sick with a bad cold, so much so that he was in bed for days. i've never seen him so sick since i've known him. he was pushing himself really hard to get the new greenhouse up and he finally had to stop and let it go. it felt like the worst possible time for him to get sick. so many things that just had to get done, that just simply couldn't wait. so i took on a lot of extra stuff, and we had helpers too, but still it felt totally overwhelming. sena did the cooking most of the week.aiyana washed a lot of dishes and did laundry, half-ass to be sure, but it was beter than nothing. i barely saw the kids at all last week, even though they were right there, and that did not feel good. i also did not notice how beautiful everything is becoming, because i was too busy and stressed.

but, now, ed is better, and things are better overall. it is stunningly beautiful outside, the trees are green and blooming, the bees are about, and spring is clearly here. things are getting more normal. still lots to do, but it feels more manageable. we started selling veggies last week and so far so good, lots of excitement from our customers, and it's nice to see everyone again.

right now i'm wishing for some rain (gentle rain if possible, about 1/2 inch at a time would be nice...) because it's been so dry, and other that that, i'm just enjoying being here.
peace

recent pictures from the farm

onions, just transplanted

 things are going well in the greenhouse

 beets, growing in the green house

 lettuces - we'll be selling some this week

ed, transporting tomato plants back and forth between our house and greenhouse. it has been too cold most nights to leave them in the greenhouse, so we bring them in the basement at night and back to the greenhouse during the day. we have to get them in the ground this week because they're getting too big to be in soil blocks - hopefully the weather will cooperate.

 heirloom tomatoes

 peas

 peas - they're not bothered by the cold

edible violas that we put in our salad mix. sena wanted me to put this picture in

there is a calm and peacefulness
that will hold you when you let go.

rest in the rhythms of nature
rest in what is true
rest in what is simple an quiet
rest in what is.

it's so beautiful out right now. the bright fresh green of spring is everywhere, the sky is blue and the sun is out. everything seems fresh and new and promising, which is the beauty of spring.

lots of stuff going on at the farm. got apple and asian pear trees in the ground this past week, as well as kale, broccoli, cabbage, onions and the regular plantings of carrots, beets, lettuces, greens, etc.
it was a pretty intense week, and i got sick right after onion planting, which is what seems to happen every year. i think it's because it's a stressful event, transplanting 6000 onions, and even though we have help, i still have to coordinate everything and make sure it all goes well. but everything did go well this year and the onions look happy where they are right now.

peace

a short article i wrote for a local newspaper (Mansfield Independent News)

Soil Health, Your Health

 

Farming can be a beneficial, beautiful, and spiritual way in which humans can cooperate with Nature in order to provide for some of our most basic needs. Farming allows us to feed ourselves, and find inner peace through connection and a gradual understanding of our place in Nature.

It is unfortunate that society has come to view farming as a war between humans and Nature. Misguided by this, toxic chemicals and poisons have been developed that greatly harm our soils, our environment, and our health, and have made us dependent on their continual use. However, there are ways of living and of growing food that focus on soil health rather than killing pests and disease.

The soil is an amazing, living universe—much more complex than our current understanding of it. Great attention to soil health produces crops that are naturally healthy and strong against pests and disease. But achieving and maintaining soil health is a long-term endeavor.

A cup of healthy soil contains more living organisms than there are people on Earth and it is these bacteria, fungi and other micro-organisms found within the soil that are the real farmers. When thriving, they form beneficial relationships with plants and help extract nutrients out of the soil; they help with soil structure and affect the amount of air and water in the soil—all of which are critical to plant health. 

Yet, every garden and field is different, and people who work the land must make an effort to understand their particular soil characteristics and needs.

A good place to start is with a yearly soil test, the results of which allow a gardener to address any organic matter deficiencies, and optimize mineral balance. Reduced tillage, cover cropping and mulching, are other important practices in soil health.

On our farm we apply well-thought-out amounts of good quality compost, fish and seaweed, that have many benefits including inoculating the soil with beneficial microbes, providing a source of food for soil micro-organisms, and boosting plants’ immunity to stress and disease.

Soil health is affected by many other factors which are not easily controlled such as acid rain, environmental pollution, and water quality. It is important to acknowledge that whether we grow food or not, we all have a direct and significant impact on our soils, through the types of waste we generate, the products we use on our lawns (pesticides, herbicides, etc.) and the types of products we purchase and how they are manufactured. 

Our health is intimately connected to the health of the land that feeds us, the quality of the water we drink, and the quality of the air we breathe. It is in our interest that these precious resources be clean and healthy.

If you garden or farm I wish you a happy, healthy, productive gardening season. And if you don’t, may you be nourished by healthy food grown in healthy ways.

more from Rachel Carson's "The sense of wonder"

"Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. Whatever the vexations or concerns of their personal lives, their thoughts can find paths that lead to inner contentment and to renewed excitement in living. Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is symbolic as well as actual beauty in the migration of the birds, the ebb and flow of the tides, the folded bud ready for the spring. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature, the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after the winter."

some pics of us over the last few weeks

my seedlings and I in the greenhouse

 aiyana reading

sena and ed

aiyana in the greenhouse (she seeded some of the onions and broccoli you see in this picture)

from The Sense of Wonder by Rachel Carson

"a child's world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. it is our misfortune that for must of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. if i had influence with a good fairy...i should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life, as an unfailing antidote against the boredom and disenchantments of later years, the sterile preoccupation with things that are artificial, the alienation from the sources of our strength."

our CSA is full for this year. that feels good.
the lettuces and beets have germinated in the greenhouse. phew, something is growing. the greenhouse is fully planted, and now i'm waiting for the soil outside to dry so i can start planting there.
if you're interested, here's a link to the March newsletter we sent to our CSA.

we got more snow last night and the ground is covered again. i am starting to feel anxious. i was planning to get peas in the ground weeks ago, but the soil has been either frozen or covered in snow or just too soppy to work. i guess my expectations were led astray by last year's spring, which was unusually warm. at this time last year, we were already harvesting!
i did manage to get beets and carrots, lettuces and spinach in the ground in the greenhouse, which is now up and going again. i'll seed some brassicas in there this week as well. also, the soil blocks (onions, broccoli, cabbage, parsley and other herbs) are doing fine in the greenhouse. hopefuly the ground will be ready when it comes time to transplant them outside.
our CSA is not starting till June, and we should have plenty of crops in the field ready to harvest by then, even with this late spring weather we've been having. one thing's for sure: when the weather warms up and the soil will be ready to work again, we're going to be really busy!

peace

gifts from the earth

snow-drops

 

 baby kale

enjoying the sweet smell of snow-drops

roxi's new baby

my sister gave birth yesterday to a little girl, named Lucy. everyone is doing well, and they are very happy.
congratulations to Roxi, Ricardo, Stella and Julia for their little one!

pictures are here.

peace and blessings to the new life that came into this world!

more walt whitman

The First Dandelion

simple and fresh and fair from winter's close emerging,
as if no artifice of fashion, business, politics, had ever been,
forth from its sunny nook of shelter'd grass - innocent, golden,
calm as the dawn,
the spring's first dandelion shows its trustful face.

spring is coming

there are many signs:
the snow-whites are poking their heads out of the ground
the chickens have been laying more eggs
the cats are quite excited and want to go out much more than a few weeks ago
sena and aiyana said that they feel something pulling at them to be outside
so, spring must be on its way.

peace

after finding our greenhouse damaged by high winds a few weeks ago, and watching the days go by when i should've been in there planting but wasn't, and feeling all kinds of anxiety about it, we finally got it all fixed again last friday and my onion blocks are in there now, nice and snug, and everything is ok. i really wasn't too late with the planting, but i didn't like not knowing when we'd be able to get the greenhouse back up and when i'd be able to get back in there. we had about $600 worth of damage, and some lessons learned.

so this week i'm finishing planting all the onions, and i'm also starting broccoli, cabbages, kale and parsley in soil blocks. very exciting to be back out there again. i guess the season has begun.
and our CSA is about 75% full, so that's going well.

here's something from Walt Whitman:

"hast never come to thee an hour,
a sudden gleam divine, precipitating,
bursting all these bubbles, fashions, wealth?
these eager business aims-books, politics, art, amours,
to utter nothingness?"

peace