no tractor in this one, just three cute cousins...
the day the ed got his tractor, the kids were super-excited (alomost as much as him), and they got a ride in the trailer right away.
peace
Sunday, March 22, 2009
the famous tractor
this is when i drove it for the first (actually the only) time. we were going to drop stones that we picked out of the field into the woods. we rode in first gear, which was really slow and relaxing.
no tractor in this one, just three cute cousins...
the day the ed got his tractor, the kids were super-excited (alomost as much as him), and they got a ride in the trailer right away.
no tractor in this one, just three cute cousins...
the day the ed got his tractor, the kids were super-excited (alomost as much as him), and they got a ride in the trailer right away.
Happy Spring everyone!
lots of exciting things going on lately. spring is officially here, and the weather has been pretty nice, so ed, the girls and i have been working on the garden and the field, which has been lots of fun. the little garden we had last year is already planted with kale, spinach, different lettuces, arugula, peas, beets and carrots. sena and aiyana got their own little corner in the garden this year, which they raked and planted with carrots and beets. they are very excited about this and want to be responsible for everything themselves. they'll be weeding and watering, and thinning, and maybe even eat their own produce.
the big field in front of the house still needs a lot of work, most of which ed is doing. he got his tractor last week, and has been plowing and tilling almost every day. sena, aiayana and i have been helping by picking up stones, which we dump in the woods. plowing is really hard work, but i think ed's really enjoying it. tilling is a lot easier.
after ed plows and tills, the earth is freshly turned over, and it smells so good all around our house. shandra told me that there are some bacteria in the soil, that release stuff which, when we smell it, fights depression. i believe it, it works for me.
other very exciting news is that sena started reading this week. she read her first book on thursday, and i just can't get over it. all of a sudden, things have come together, and she's sounding out the words and putting them together, reading full sentences with minimal assistance. aiyana feels inspired too, and she's trying to sound out words and stuff, it's really cute.
another interest that the kids have shown recently is music. we listen to music together, but as far as teaching them how to play an instrument or something like that, i have no skills. fortunately, we hooked up with our good friends anita and brian, and their daughter clara, and now the three girls and brian jam together every week. brian is a full-time farmer and part-time musician. he has his own band, and lots of really cool instruments. the kids pick whatever they're drawn to and jam. sena played guitar last week, and this week she played the dulcimer. aiyana had some sort of stringed instrument made out of a turtle shell, with three strings. i don't even know what any of these instruments are, but it doesn't matter, as long as the kids are having fun, and getting into it. we can always pursue something more formal later if they want to.
so that's about it for now.
peace and enjoy the spring!!!
the big field in front of the house still needs a lot of work, most of which ed is doing. he got his tractor last week, and has been plowing and tilling almost every day. sena, aiayana and i have been helping by picking up stones, which we dump in the woods. plowing is really hard work, but i think ed's really enjoying it. tilling is a lot easier.
after ed plows and tills, the earth is freshly turned over, and it smells so good all around our house. shandra told me that there are some bacteria in the soil, that release stuff which, when we smell it, fights depression. i believe it, it works for me.
other very exciting news is that sena started reading this week. she read her first book on thursday, and i just can't get over it. all of a sudden, things have come together, and she's sounding out the words and putting them together, reading full sentences with minimal assistance. aiyana feels inspired too, and she's trying to sound out words and stuff, it's really cute.
another interest that the kids have shown recently is music. we listen to music together, but as far as teaching them how to play an instrument or something like that, i have no skills. fortunately, we hooked up with our good friends anita and brian, and their daughter clara, and now the three girls and brian jam together every week. brian is a full-time farmer and part-time musician. he has his own band, and lots of really cool instruments. the kids pick whatever they're drawn to and jam. sena played guitar last week, and this week she played the dulcimer. aiyana had some sort of stringed instrument made out of a turtle shell, with three strings. i don't even know what any of these instruments are, but it doesn't matter, as long as the kids are having fun, and getting into it. we can always pursue something more formal later if they want to.
so that's about it for now.
peace and enjoy the spring!!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
two pieces from the prophet
a young woman was standing in line in front of me at the cafe today. she had a big coat on, and i realized that she was holding a tiny baby under it. she was so gentle and tender with the baby, and they looked beautiful together. i was touched by her way of being, and by the whole scene. i almost burst into tears standing there, and i'm not sure if it was because they were so beautiful together, or because i was feeling a little sad for my own loss. probably both, but at that moment, i really couldn't tell whether my tears were joy or sorrow. which brings me to a piece by Khalil Gibran, which my sister shared with the rest of us at the women circle on monday night. many years ago, i made a book with Gibran's "The Prophet" and my own pictures as a gift for my sister. now, when she shared it with us at the circle, it felt like she was giving me a gift. it's funny how things come around. anyway, I very much related to this piece on joy and sorrow, and the one on pain as well. they both brought me great comfort.
if you are interested, here they are: Joy and Sorrow and Pain.
if you are interested, here they are: Joy and Sorrow and Pain.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
what's new
we're trying to get sena and aiyana to sleep in their own bed, apart from us. it has not been easy...this week, i've woken up 3 to 4 times per night, every night, and it's wearing me down. ed went when they called last night, so i slept much better. hopefuly it won't be much longer before they stop calling for us and sleep on their own. i didn't want the transition to be too harsh for them, so i told them that for a while i would come whenever they call, but after 4 nights of this, i had to tell them that it is not sustainable. fortunately, they were very understanding, and said that they'll try harder not to call me unless they really need me... we'll give it a few more nights, and see...
on a different topic - ed got his tractor this week. he is SO excited, i've never seen him like this. he already tilled the small garden he planted last year, and today he's plowing the big field in front of our house. i'm happy for him, but i can't help making fun of him that the tractor makes him so excited.
we'll be planting seeds this weekend - i'm looking fwd to being out, esp since the weather is supposed to be mild and sunny.
other than that, things have been going really well with the homeschooling lately. we're all into it, and it feels easy. sena's close to reading, she can already read many 3-letter-words on her own, and she says that she wants to read real books soon. i bought her a magnetic fridge-poetry set, and she loves it. she figures out the words and makes simple sentences and then calls me to read them. or i make them for her and leave them as a surprise. it's really fun, we're all enjoying it. i'm also speaking to them in spanish every day, and although they answer me in english, i can see that they're picking up words and becoming more familiar with the language.
other than the night-time thing, the girls and i have been having a great time. i've been much more aware of how precious each moment we spend together is, and that awareness made me more patient with them, less irritable and less likely to snap at them. i'm just enjoying them so much right now, and i can tell that they're really happy too... and ed seems very happy as well, especially with his new tractor :)
on a different topic - ed got his tractor this week. he is SO excited, i've never seen him like this. he already tilled the small garden he planted last year, and today he's plowing the big field in front of our house. i'm happy for him, but i can't help making fun of him that the tractor makes him so excited.
we'll be planting seeds this weekend - i'm looking fwd to being out, esp since the weather is supposed to be mild and sunny.
other than that, things have been going really well with the homeschooling lately. we're all into it, and it feels easy. sena's close to reading, she can already read many 3-letter-words on her own, and she says that she wants to read real books soon. i bought her a magnetic fridge-poetry set, and she loves it. she figures out the words and makes simple sentences and then calls me to read them. or i make them for her and leave them as a surprise. it's really fun, we're all enjoying it. i'm also speaking to them in spanish every day, and although they answer me in english, i can see that they're picking up words and becoming more familiar with the language.
other than the night-time thing, the girls and i have been having a great time. i've been much more aware of how precious each moment we spend together is, and that awareness made me more patient with them, less irritable and less likely to snap at them. i'm just enjoying them so much right now, and i can tell that they're really happy too... and ed seems very happy as well, especially with his new tractor :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
spring flowers
the other day, the girls and i sat in the sun in front of the co-op, having a snack. we saw snowdrops and crocuses that must've just blossomed that day, and they made all of us so happy. the girls ran around and sang songs about them, and i just sat there watching, feeling the sun pour its warmth into me.
i'm still feeling really raw, and very sensitive. i feel like i've been living each moment so intensely lately, aware of how amazing everything is, and also how fragile and ephemeral...
i'm still feeling really raw, and very sensitive. i feel like i've been living each moment so intensely lately, aware of how amazing everything is, and also how fragile and ephemeral...
Saturday, March 07, 2009
groundless
This whole week, I’ve been thinking of a quote I read months ago in “The Sun” (Dec 2008 issue). I dug it out this morning – here it is:
“It’s as if we have lived for years on a boat and felt safe enough there, accustomed to thinking only of whether we are comfortable or uncomfortable. And then the shadow of the whale appears, a dark shape that moves far beneath us. We realize that our safety, our little world on the boat, has been nothing of our own doing, nothing for which we can take credit. It’s simply that the great whale – who is neither malicious nor benevolent, but merely its own enormous, moving self – has not upended us, splintered our boat, and left us floating in the waves amid the debris. No. we are alive in the cold night, naked under the bright, fierce stars.” (from “The shadow of The Whale”, by Thea Sullivan).
This has been on my mind because it expresses so well what I’ve been feeling.
My world and my understanding of things have been rocked last week. I thought I knew myself, I thought I understood certain things about my world, and now I realize that none of that is true. Being so sick last week and miscarrying my baby, left me raw and groundless. On one hand, I’ve felt myself become more fearful, even paranoid. After the miscarriage, I found myself fearing for my children’s health and safety, to the point of being frantic about it. This is not how I want to live. Constant worry and fear - I do not consider this an option. On the other hand, this week, I found myself almost elated, by the smallest details. By the way the girls said something to me; by the geranium by my window, with its two big, blood-red blossoms; by sun shining outside.
I find myself in limbo, walking this line between fear and delight. I realize now that despite what I thought I knew before last weekend, in fact I was quite arrogant and ignorant. On some level, I thought nothing bad could ever happen to me. I’ve always thought myself as strong, healthy and able to deal. But seeing my body so weak last week, and feeling so out of control, readjusted my view.
I think what it comes down to, for me, at this time, is how do I find a balance between taking things seriously, but not too seriously? How do I do my best for my family and community, and then let go, realizing that I only have limited control? How do I go on living with the knowledge that even my best efforts do not guarantee anything?
It’s a question of how much control we have ultimately. It’s a question of keeping motivated enough to act, and to live, yet, at the same time, letting go enough to be able to relax, and enjoy.
It’s a question of being raw, of constantly readjusting my balance, and of living that way all the time. Life gives us no guarantees. Life provides opportunities for joy and beauty continuously. Can I hold the uncertainty and the beauty in me all at once?
How do I trust and honor Life’s perfection, knowing that this perfection includes the things that can rip my heart to pieces?
“It’s as if we have lived for years on a boat and felt safe enough there, accustomed to thinking only of whether we are comfortable or uncomfortable. And then the shadow of the whale appears, a dark shape that moves far beneath us. We realize that our safety, our little world on the boat, has been nothing of our own doing, nothing for which we can take credit. It’s simply that the great whale – who is neither malicious nor benevolent, but merely its own enormous, moving self – has not upended us, splintered our boat, and left us floating in the waves amid the debris. No. we are alive in the cold night, naked under the bright, fierce stars.” (from “The shadow of The Whale”, by Thea Sullivan).
This has been on my mind because it expresses so well what I’ve been feeling.
My world and my understanding of things have been rocked last week. I thought I knew myself, I thought I understood certain things about my world, and now I realize that none of that is true. Being so sick last week and miscarrying my baby, left me raw and groundless. On one hand, I’ve felt myself become more fearful, even paranoid. After the miscarriage, I found myself fearing for my children’s health and safety, to the point of being frantic about it. This is not how I want to live. Constant worry and fear - I do not consider this an option. On the other hand, this week, I found myself almost elated, by the smallest details. By the way the girls said something to me; by the geranium by my window, with its two big, blood-red blossoms; by sun shining outside.
I find myself in limbo, walking this line between fear and delight. I realize now that despite what I thought I knew before last weekend, in fact I was quite arrogant and ignorant. On some level, I thought nothing bad could ever happen to me. I’ve always thought myself as strong, healthy and able to deal. But seeing my body so weak last week, and feeling so out of control, readjusted my view.
I think what it comes down to, for me, at this time, is how do I find a balance between taking things seriously, but not too seriously? How do I do my best for my family and community, and then let go, realizing that I only have limited control? How do I go on living with the knowledge that even my best efforts do not guarantee anything?
It’s a question of how much control we have ultimately. It’s a question of keeping motivated enough to act, and to live, yet, at the same time, letting go enough to be able to relax, and enjoy.
It’s a question of being raw, of constantly readjusting my balance, and of living that way all the time. Life gives us no guarantees. Life provides opportunities for joy and beauty continuously. Can I hold the uncertainty and the beauty in me all at once?
How do I trust and honor Life’s perfection, knowing that this perfection includes the things that can rip my heart to pieces?
Thursday, March 05, 2009
i lost the baby
The past two weeks seem so unreal! So many things have happened that I am having a hard time processing it all, and I find myself feeling mostly numb.
To begin with, my sister had a miscarriage. This was very difficult for her, Ricardo and Julia, but also for the rest of us who were excited about her pregnancy.Then, Sena, Aiyana and I got sick with a nasty virus, and just could not get rid of it. We all had bad coughs, fevers and lots of congestion; the worst thing for me is that in between feeling miserable myself, and taking care of the kids at night, I got very little sleep; the less I slept the worse things got, and I felt like I just could not keep up; i felt like it was all too much for my body, but didn’t know what to do about it. One night I had a two hour coughing fit, that left me totally drained.
Then, on Friday night, I started bleeding. I just could not believe it at first, but it was very clear. I broke down and sobbed, and then, after speaking to my midwife, tried to rest and take it as easy as possible. Ed brought the kids to his parents’ house in Rhode Island, where they ended up spending the next 3 nights. That night I slept a little better, although I still woke up a lot with cough and congestion. I was also feverish from the flu. I had no more bleeding during the night, which I took as a good sign. However, by morning time, it was clear that I was having contractions. The contractions kept getting stronger and closer together, just like during birth. I knew that this was a bad sign. Eventually the contractions got so strong, I couldn’t talk anymore, and had to focus all my attention on them. Eventually, I felt my water break, and sure enough, it came gushing out of me.
I knew now for sure that I was miscarrying. I went to the bathroom, and started bleeding a lot. I got in the tub, hoping that the hot water would make the contractions easier to bear. Being there relaxed me and helped a lot with the contractions, but blood and bloodclots kept coming out, and soon enough I told Ed that I was going to pass out, which I did. Ed is amazing in high pressure situations, and he dealt with this really well, although I know that he was scared himself, and did not like what was happening at all. He called my neighbor Shandra, and together they got me out of the tub and onto the bed. I felt much better out of the hot water and lying down. My contractions subsided a lot, and I felt good just resting on the bed.
I knew that we’d have to go to the hospital, because I needed a rhogamm shot, and after resting a while, I told Ed that we should just go and get it over with. We were only supposed to get the shot, and then I wanted to come back home and let my body do what it needed to. But it didn’t end up that way. When we got to the hospital, it turned out that the only place I could get the rhogamm was in the emergency room. Once I got to emergency, they wouldn’t just give me the shot. They wanted to do blood tests, ultrasound, the whole thing. When they took blood for the bloodtest, I passed out again. By now, my contractions had picked up and were strong again. I kept going to the bathroom every half hour or so, and passing fist-sized blood clots. Every time a blood clot came out, it made me feel really faint again. I tried to catch everything that came out, because I really wanted to see the baby, but somehow I still missed it. I was told that the baby was only 1.5in long, so I guess easy to miss…
I had 3 ultrasonds done – the doctor wanted to see whether the baby was still inside me. They didn’t see anything, just more blood clots. In btw the 2nd, and 3rd ultrasound, I had to go to the bathroom, and another big bloodclot came out. Ed was right there, and I told him I felt bad again, and soon I passed out right there on the toilet. Even though we were in emergency, there was nobody else around, and he had to call for help twice. Eventually people showed up, and got me on a stretcher. My blood pressure was pretty low at this time, 83 over 55. They gave me IV fluids, and we agreed to have a DNC. After passing out this 3rd time, I felt really weak, and I was scared. I just didn’t know what was going to happen, and I hated the feeling of losing consciousness. I also felt like it could easily happen again and I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel that it was safe for me and Ed to go home alone, so I agreed to have the DNC, although I also had a lot of misgivings about having surgery and general anesthesia, especially after I had been through so much already.
While I was having IV fluids put into me and waiting for the DNC, my sister came by to bring us a cell phone and food for Ed. It was really good to see her. I felt very emotional and scared, and I wanted to have people who love me close to me. I really missed Sena and Aiyana, and asked Ed to call them and make sure they were ok at his parents. I think I was panicking, because I felt so out of control. Eventually I went into the operating room, and had the DNC. Everything went well, and when I woke from the anesthesia, I felt much better than before. I rested a bit then Ed and I drove home. Lying in bed that night, I felt empty and numb, but ok physically.
It took me a couple more days of sleep to get better as far as my cold. I also haven’t been bleeding much, but I still feel dizzy and light headed, after all the blood loss I guess. I’m sad that I was never able to see the baby. I really wanted to hold it, no matter how small, and say goodbye.
My body feels stronger now, and I am getting better every day. The kids came home on Monday evening, and they were still sick with fevers, but since yesterday they’ve been feeling better. They are also sad about having lost the baby, and Sena asked me to have another one, which I told her that I don’t know if it will happen or not.
Ed has been amazing throughout the whole thing – he was there for me 100%, and I felt how much he cares about me. He was not afraid to fish in the toilet for the baby, and was right there by my side the entire time, and made the whole thing so much easier to bear. I know that he was scared and sad and all of that, and I feel that this whole thing brought us closer together. I guess you never know how much someone cares about you until something like this happens. I have no doubt now that he’d do anything for me, and that’s really powerful.
Emotionally, I still feel numb though. Yesterday was the first day I got out of the house in a week or so, and it felt good to see people and talk about what happened. Our friends have been very supportive, calling and offering food, or help around the house. I really feel very fortunate to be surrounded by all these caring people. My sister brought us enough food for a week, and she and my neighbor Shandra came over to check on me, and let me know that they’re there whenever I need them. Ed’s parents have also been very supportive, taking the kids for 3 nights, so that I could get some rest. I know it was hard for them, esp with the kids being sick and up at night…
Yesterday morning, I got the news that my grandmother, Bunica, died. To be honest, I can’t even be sad, because it’s all too much. I want to grieve her death, but right now all I can muster is to feel numb. I think that my body is still weak and needs to recover from everything that’s happened in the past week.
So that’s how it’s been. What a wild journey!
Today, the sun is out and it's gorgeous, and I am feeling the best i've felt in months, although I also feel a sadness that I know will take a while to let go of.
To begin with, my sister had a miscarriage. This was very difficult for her, Ricardo and Julia, but also for the rest of us who were excited about her pregnancy.Then, Sena, Aiyana and I got sick with a nasty virus, and just could not get rid of it. We all had bad coughs, fevers and lots of congestion; the worst thing for me is that in between feeling miserable myself, and taking care of the kids at night, I got very little sleep; the less I slept the worse things got, and I felt like I just could not keep up; i felt like it was all too much for my body, but didn’t know what to do about it. One night I had a two hour coughing fit, that left me totally drained.
Then, on Friday night, I started bleeding. I just could not believe it at first, but it was very clear. I broke down and sobbed, and then, after speaking to my midwife, tried to rest and take it as easy as possible. Ed brought the kids to his parents’ house in Rhode Island, where they ended up spending the next 3 nights. That night I slept a little better, although I still woke up a lot with cough and congestion. I was also feverish from the flu. I had no more bleeding during the night, which I took as a good sign. However, by morning time, it was clear that I was having contractions. The contractions kept getting stronger and closer together, just like during birth. I knew that this was a bad sign. Eventually the contractions got so strong, I couldn’t talk anymore, and had to focus all my attention on them. Eventually, I felt my water break, and sure enough, it came gushing out of me.
I knew now for sure that I was miscarrying. I went to the bathroom, and started bleeding a lot. I got in the tub, hoping that the hot water would make the contractions easier to bear. Being there relaxed me and helped a lot with the contractions, but blood and bloodclots kept coming out, and soon enough I told Ed that I was going to pass out, which I did. Ed is amazing in high pressure situations, and he dealt with this really well, although I know that he was scared himself, and did not like what was happening at all. He called my neighbor Shandra, and together they got me out of the tub and onto the bed. I felt much better out of the hot water and lying down. My contractions subsided a lot, and I felt good just resting on the bed.
I knew that we’d have to go to the hospital, because I needed a rhogamm shot, and after resting a while, I told Ed that we should just go and get it over with. We were only supposed to get the shot, and then I wanted to come back home and let my body do what it needed to. But it didn’t end up that way. When we got to the hospital, it turned out that the only place I could get the rhogamm was in the emergency room. Once I got to emergency, they wouldn’t just give me the shot. They wanted to do blood tests, ultrasound, the whole thing. When they took blood for the bloodtest, I passed out again. By now, my contractions had picked up and were strong again. I kept going to the bathroom every half hour or so, and passing fist-sized blood clots. Every time a blood clot came out, it made me feel really faint again. I tried to catch everything that came out, because I really wanted to see the baby, but somehow I still missed it. I was told that the baby was only 1.5in long, so I guess easy to miss…
I had 3 ultrasonds done – the doctor wanted to see whether the baby was still inside me. They didn’t see anything, just more blood clots. In btw the 2nd, and 3rd ultrasound, I had to go to the bathroom, and another big bloodclot came out. Ed was right there, and I told him I felt bad again, and soon I passed out right there on the toilet. Even though we were in emergency, there was nobody else around, and he had to call for help twice. Eventually people showed up, and got me on a stretcher. My blood pressure was pretty low at this time, 83 over 55. They gave me IV fluids, and we agreed to have a DNC. After passing out this 3rd time, I felt really weak, and I was scared. I just didn’t know what was going to happen, and I hated the feeling of losing consciousness. I also felt like it could easily happen again and I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel that it was safe for me and Ed to go home alone, so I agreed to have the DNC, although I also had a lot of misgivings about having surgery and general anesthesia, especially after I had been through so much already.
While I was having IV fluids put into me and waiting for the DNC, my sister came by to bring us a cell phone and food for Ed. It was really good to see her. I felt very emotional and scared, and I wanted to have people who love me close to me. I really missed Sena and Aiyana, and asked Ed to call them and make sure they were ok at his parents. I think I was panicking, because I felt so out of control. Eventually I went into the operating room, and had the DNC. Everything went well, and when I woke from the anesthesia, I felt much better than before. I rested a bit then Ed and I drove home. Lying in bed that night, I felt empty and numb, but ok physically.
It took me a couple more days of sleep to get better as far as my cold. I also haven’t been bleeding much, but I still feel dizzy and light headed, after all the blood loss I guess. I’m sad that I was never able to see the baby. I really wanted to hold it, no matter how small, and say goodbye.
My body feels stronger now, and I am getting better every day. The kids came home on Monday evening, and they were still sick with fevers, but since yesterday they’ve been feeling better. They are also sad about having lost the baby, and Sena asked me to have another one, which I told her that I don’t know if it will happen or not.
Ed has been amazing throughout the whole thing – he was there for me 100%, and I felt how much he cares about me. He was not afraid to fish in the toilet for the baby, and was right there by my side the entire time, and made the whole thing so much easier to bear. I know that he was scared and sad and all of that, and I feel that this whole thing brought us closer together. I guess you never know how much someone cares about you until something like this happens. I have no doubt now that he’d do anything for me, and that’s really powerful.
Emotionally, I still feel numb though. Yesterday was the first day I got out of the house in a week or so, and it felt good to see people and talk about what happened. Our friends have been very supportive, calling and offering food, or help around the house. I really feel very fortunate to be surrounded by all these caring people. My sister brought us enough food for a week, and she and my neighbor Shandra came over to check on me, and let me know that they’re there whenever I need them. Ed’s parents have also been very supportive, taking the kids for 3 nights, so that I could get some rest. I know it was hard for them, esp with the kids being sick and up at night…
Yesterday morning, I got the news that my grandmother, Bunica, died. To be honest, I can’t even be sad, because it’s all too much. I want to grieve her death, but right now all I can muster is to feel numb. I think that my body is still weak and needs to recover from everything that’s happened in the past week.
So that’s how it’s been. What a wild journey!
Today, the sun is out and it's gorgeous, and I am feeling the best i've felt in months, although I also feel a sadness that I know will take a while to let go of.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
sick
what a week. we've been so sick! everyone around us has been sick, and on monday sena got it, then me, and now aiyana. ed's fared the best out of all of us so far. yesterday was my worst day, with fever, coughing and stuffed sinuses, which made it hard to sleep.
the good news though is that my pregnancy-related nausea has almost gone away entirely.
so hopefuly once we get over this flu, i'll regain most of my energy and we'll all be feeling better...
the good news though is that my pregnancy-related nausea has almost gone away entirely.
so hopefuly once we get over this flu, i'll regain most of my energy and we'll all be feeling better...
seeds
last saturday, ed and i planted onion and cabbage seeds. we put them in starter blocks, which are small cubes of soil used to sprout seeds until they becomes small plants, at which point we'll move them in the ground. on saturday, it was very cold and windy outside, but in the greenhouse, where i was, it was warm, almost 80F, and peaceful. i planted 400 onion seeds, which may seem tedious, but i found it very enjoyable, and it was a highlight in my weekend. i enjoyed the fresh air and the solitude, and the repetitive task of dropping one seed in each block felt almost meditative. on sunday i had a couple of hours to myself, and i went to the cafe; thinking back on the previous day, i wrote this:
unnoticed
in the greenhouse,
out of the chilling february wind,
kneeling on warming earth,
planting seeds
tiny onion seeds,
black, dry, hard,
which seem no more than dust.
yet, each one, i know,
contains the Power of Life
within its hardened shell.
realizing this humbles me
makes me dizzy
i almost cannot bare it-
i am holding Life in my hands
it feels so enormous, so important,
and also,
it's so quiet, so ordinary,
it could've easily gone unnoticed.
unnoticed
in the greenhouse,
out of the chilling february wind,
kneeling on warming earth,
planting seeds
tiny onion seeds,
black, dry, hard,
which seem no more than dust.
yet, each one, i know,
contains the Power of Life
within its hardened shell.
realizing this humbles me
makes me dizzy
i almost cannot bare it-
i am holding Life in my hands
it feels so enormous, so important,
and also,
it's so quiet, so ordinary,
it could've easily gone unnoticed.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
vaccine spreadsheet
i wanted to share a vaccine spreadsheet, which ed and i have put together, with whoever may be interested. since before sena was born, we've been doing a lot of reading and research on vaccines, trying to determine what's best for our children. we tried to be as unbiased as possible; had no point to prove, just wanted to figure out what's best for their overall health. so we read a lot of books and articles, did research on the internet, and spoke to different pople, in the medical firld and not, all on the topic of vaccinations. we purposely tried to get as wide a range of views as possible, going from those who support the typical vaccination schedule you get in the pediatrician's office, to thos who advocate for no vaccination at all.
from all the books we've read (at least 5 full-length books, plus the other sources i've mentioned above), the one i found most useful was Dr. Sear's "The Vaccine Book". it was recommended by my sister who did her own thorough, independent research. Ii found this book to be most useful because it seemed unbiassed, it gave lots of facts otherwise hard to find, such as vaccine ingredients, and it didn't tell the reader what to do, but rather left it up to them to decide once presented with the facts. in the vaccine spreadsheet ed and i put together, this is the book i mostly referenced. there is a second book referenced, a book written by a doctor supporting the conventional vaccination schedule, which ed read in an attemempt to broaden and balance our understanding.
i'll just add that after doing our research, we decided not to vaccinate our children. i had a very hard time making this decision, and it's only in this past year, after reading Dr. Sears' book, that i feel comfortable with our choice. chosing to do our own research was not at all easy. it brought up a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. i constantly asked myself, what if we're missing something, what if this is not the best decision? yet just trusting the doctor and not questioning the conventional schedule at all, especially in light of all the information available, didn't seem the right thing to do either. finally, i came to see that this is a very personal decision...there are many "facts" out there, and chosing what you think is best for your family, and what you feel comfortable with, is no easy task...
so i am sharing this in hope that you may find this useful in making your own decision; if you have any questions, i stronly encourage you to refer to the sources. i'd also be glad to answer any questions you may have about our own decision.
you may view the spreadsheet by clicking here.
from all the books we've read (at least 5 full-length books, plus the other sources i've mentioned above), the one i found most useful was Dr. Sear's "The Vaccine Book". it was recommended by my sister who did her own thorough, independent research. Ii found this book to be most useful because it seemed unbiassed, it gave lots of facts otherwise hard to find, such as vaccine ingredients, and it didn't tell the reader what to do, but rather left it up to them to decide once presented with the facts. in the vaccine spreadsheet ed and i put together, this is the book i mostly referenced. there is a second book referenced, a book written by a doctor supporting the conventional vaccination schedule, which ed read in an attemempt to broaden and balance our understanding.
i'll just add that after doing our research, we decided not to vaccinate our children. i had a very hard time making this decision, and it's only in this past year, after reading Dr. Sears' book, that i feel comfortable with our choice. chosing to do our own research was not at all easy. it brought up a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. i constantly asked myself, what if we're missing something, what if this is not the best decision? yet just trusting the doctor and not questioning the conventional schedule at all, especially in light of all the information available, didn't seem the right thing to do either. finally, i came to see that this is a very personal decision...there are many "facts" out there, and chosing what you think is best for your family, and what you feel comfortable with, is no easy task...
so i am sharing this in hope that you may find this useful in making your own decision; if you have any questions, i stronly encourage you to refer to the sources. i'd also be glad to answer any questions you may have about our own decision.
you may view the spreadsheet by clicking here.
our hen
i just had chicken soup. our hen was in it. she got killed yesterday by a hawk, and we figured that the best way to honor her would be to eat her, so that she could become part of us. she was a great hen and we really liked her. she laid eggs every morning; she took really good care of her chicks, and she had lots of them. she also took care of all the guinea hens when they were small, protecting them and treating them as if they were her chicks. they used to follow her around everywhere. she got along very well with the rooster, the father of all her chicks. i think he'll miss her a lot now, they used to share one coop, just the two of them, while the rest of the chickens and guinea hens were in another coop. she was our only hen, as far as i can tell. we have at least 5 roosters, and a bunch of chick which are too small to tell. i don't know what's up with the roosters, why they didn't defend her when the hawk attacked. they fight among themselves all the time, and i thought that they were supposed to defend the hens and chicks, but apparently not this time. in any case, ed found her shortly after the hawk killed her. the hawk was trying to eat her, but i think she was too big for him to carry, so when ed showed up, he flew away empty-clawed. ed picked her up, plucked her, took out the internal organs, and put the rest in the fridge. sena was really interested in all the internal organs - heart, gizzard, intestines, liver, and everything else. we also found many eggs, bright orange, getting formed inside her body. when we told aiyana, it was a different story. she was very upset, and told me to make the hen alive again. she cried for about one hour, while i held her and tried to explain about death, chickens, and hawks. she was still upset by the end, but stopped crying and eventually got on with playing again.
so we decided to cook the hen; the kids are not at all interested in eating meat. even on the rare occasions when they see me eating it (like a couple of times in mexico), they want nothing to do with it. i respect their decision, and i think that their diet is varied enough not to need any meat. so i have no problem with them not eating it.
this incident brought out some feelings i have about eating meat, but i don't want to dwell on them to much, so i'll share only this:
it's so easy to eat meat that comes in plastic wrap at the supermarket. so unrecognizable it is, that we never think about it as having come from a live being. i know so many people (including myself) who say that they cannot kill a chicken, or another animal, to eat; because they're grossed out, or because killing brings out too many unpleasant feelings; but they have no problem going to the supermarket and getting it there, as long as someone else does the dirty work, and as long as they don't have to think too much about it.
so i feel that chosing to eat meat is ok, but i just think we should do it a little more consciously...
so we decided to cook the hen; the kids are not at all interested in eating meat. even on the rare occasions when they see me eating it (like a couple of times in mexico), they want nothing to do with it. i respect their decision, and i think that their diet is varied enough not to need any meat. so i have no problem with them not eating it.
this incident brought out some feelings i have about eating meat, but i don't want to dwell on them to much, so i'll share only this:
it's so easy to eat meat that comes in plastic wrap at the supermarket. so unrecognizable it is, that we never think about it as having come from a live being. i know so many people (including myself) who say that they cannot kill a chicken, or another animal, to eat; because they're grossed out, or because killing brings out too many unpleasant feelings; but they have no problem going to the supermarket and getting it there, as long as someone else does the dirty work, and as long as they don't have to think too much about it.
so i feel that chosing to eat meat is ok, but i just think we should do it a little more consciously...
Friday, February 13, 2009
the tree
today, sena asked me: "mom, when you die, could you die at my house?"
she said that if that happened, than she would burry me in her yard, and plant a tree on top of me. she would have a little table and chair by the tree, and whenever she felt like talking to me, she'd talk to the tree, and then she'd feel like the message is getting through.
i think this is an amazing idea, not to mention that it made me laugh quite a bit.
she said that if that happened, than she would burry me in her yard, and plant a tree on top of me. she would have a little table and chair by the tree, and whenever she felt like talking to me, she'd talk to the tree, and then she'd feel like the message is getting through.
i think this is an amazing idea, not to mention that it made me laugh quite a bit.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
37
yesterday was my 37th birthday and i had a really good day. i had to get a blood test done in the morning, and then i took the kids to the dentist. everything went well, and when we were done, we went to the cafe for lunch. when we got back home, someone had left a bouquet of fresias on my livingroom table, and the house smelled amazing. i love fresias, and whoever brought them made me really happy (i later discovered it was my sister).
the night before my birthday we had a great women's circle, that left me feeling light, much lighter than i've felt in months. it inspired me, and i laughed a lot, and we ended it with some amazing food, so how can you get better than that.
yesterday, friends and family called me to wish me happy birthday. my cousin from germany called, and it was really nice to hear her voice.sena and aiyana were especially sweet, singing me different birthday songs throughout the day, most of which they made up themselves.
it was a good day, and i felt good being here. it felt like a turning point to the way i've been feeling lately. or maybe not, maybe it was just a good day. in any case, i realized yesterday that the slump i've been in lately is in some ways a gift. i feel that my body is giving me very clear messages as to what i need; it is unusual for me to have this clarity, and that's why i consider it a gift. the kind of messages my body is giving me have to do with what i should eat, and do. i've been eating very well, not because that's what the pregnancy books or anyone else say to do, but because the only thing i feel drawn to is healthy, wholesome food. also, i feel a strong need to be outside and breathe fresh air every day, and when i honor this need, i feel better right away. one more thing that's become clear is that i really need to move more. i don't feel drawn to exercise in a gym that much, and it wouldn't work with my kids; so i've been trying to leave the kids with my sister go for a short walk a few times a week, and i've also started stretching and doing a few simple exercises first thing in the morning, both of which help a lot.
peace
the night before my birthday we had a great women's circle, that left me feeling light, much lighter than i've felt in months. it inspired me, and i laughed a lot, and we ended it with some amazing food, so how can you get better than that.
yesterday, friends and family called me to wish me happy birthday. my cousin from germany called, and it was really nice to hear her voice.sena and aiyana were especially sweet, singing me different birthday songs throughout the day, most of which they made up themselves.
it was a good day, and i felt good being here. it felt like a turning point to the way i've been feeling lately. or maybe not, maybe it was just a good day. in any case, i realized yesterday that the slump i've been in lately is in some ways a gift. i feel that my body is giving me very clear messages as to what i need; it is unusual for me to have this clarity, and that's why i consider it a gift. the kind of messages my body is giving me have to do with what i should eat, and do. i've been eating very well, not because that's what the pregnancy books or anyone else say to do, but because the only thing i feel drawn to is healthy, wholesome food. also, i feel a strong need to be outside and breathe fresh air every day, and when i honor this need, i feel better right away. one more thing that's become clear is that i really need to move more. i don't feel drawn to exercise in a gym that much, and it wouldn't work with my kids; so i've been trying to leave the kids with my sister go for a short walk a few times a week, and i've also started stretching and doing a few simple exercises first thing in the morning, both of which help a lot.
peace
last week
i wrote this last week, but never had a chance to post it, so here it is now...
i'm still feeling pretty crappy most of the time. every once in a while i get a little break though, like sunshine piercing through a crack in the clouds, and that feels really good, and it also reminds me that this will pass. i try to keep my attitude from being totally negative and miserable - this is the hardest part; it just makes me wish that i could spend this time in a cave, curled up by myself, so that nobody has to put up with my irritability and all that stuff. ed's been really helpful, and the kids have been mostly amazing, but i still find it hard not to get mad at them. yesterday sena and i had some conflict in the morning, silly stuff, and i was yelling at her and could almost watch myself spin out of control, but couldn't stop it. then i just sat down to have my breakfast, and i was still steaming mad, but i knew i had to stop, so i just started to cry. sena and aiyana also started to cry, and sena was saying all these really nice things, how she didn't like to make me feel this way, and stuff like that. i tried to explain that this was not all related to her, that i'm just going through a difficult time right now. i think we all felt better after that, and we were hugging and stuff. i wasn't mad anymore, but by now i felt drained and it wasn't even 9 in the morning yet. things improved significantly by the afternoon though...
i can't even read anything. this is really unusual, and i know i'm in a pit when i just can't read. i don't feel drawn to any book, or if i do, i don't have the energy to find it.
anyway, on a lighter note, a few nights ago, sena and i were reading in bed. aiyana was out with ed. we were reading richard scarry, and we got to a story about a family of rabbits. there was the mother, father, and a slew of babies. 30 or something. we were commenting about how many children they had, when sena said, regarding the mother rabbit: "she probably got naked with her man a lot". that made me laugh, especially her choice of words.
today, i'm going to see my naturopath, to have a prenatal bloodtest, and just to talk to him about why i may be feeling so drained. i'm looking forward to my appointment, he's really pleasant to be around, and very insightful.
aiyana's been very sweet lately, waking up at random times during the night to give me kisses, and telling me that she loves me throughout the day. she keeps asking me if i'll still think she's cute when she grows up, and if i'll still sing her favorite song at night (snuggle puppy) and i try to reassure her. she seems upset about growing up, because she thinks that things may change too much...
ed's really excited about farming - he's planning to increase production significantly from last year. he ordered a lot more seeds, and is looking into buying a tractor. he's planning to plant about 1 acre of land this srping, and possibly to sell at the farmer's market. i'm really excited for him, and for me, because i know that when he's engaged in something he finds meaningful, he's so much happier. i won't be able to help much this year, but ed's really hardworking, and i think he can do a lot by himself. hopefuly the kids will get interested in small tasks like weeding - that could be helpful. our friends anita and brian are also being really supportive, espcially in terms of giving us advice about what to plant and what to sell.
so that's what's going on with us lately...
i'm still feeling pretty crappy most of the time. every once in a while i get a little break though, like sunshine piercing through a crack in the clouds, and that feels really good, and it also reminds me that this will pass. i try to keep my attitude from being totally negative and miserable - this is the hardest part; it just makes me wish that i could spend this time in a cave, curled up by myself, so that nobody has to put up with my irritability and all that stuff. ed's been really helpful, and the kids have been mostly amazing, but i still find it hard not to get mad at them. yesterday sena and i had some conflict in the morning, silly stuff, and i was yelling at her and could almost watch myself spin out of control, but couldn't stop it. then i just sat down to have my breakfast, and i was still steaming mad, but i knew i had to stop, so i just started to cry. sena and aiyana also started to cry, and sena was saying all these really nice things, how she didn't like to make me feel this way, and stuff like that. i tried to explain that this was not all related to her, that i'm just going through a difficult time right now. i think we all felt better after that, and we were hugging and stuff. i wasn't mad anymore, but by now i felt drained and it wasn't even 9 in the morning yet. things improved significantly by the afternoon though...
i can't even read anything. this is really unusual, and i know i'm in a pit when i just can't read. i don't feel drawn to any book, or if i do, i don't have the energy to find it.
anyway, on a lighter note, a few nights ago, sena and i were reading in bed. aiyana was out with ed. we were reading richard scarry, and we got to a story about a family of rabbits. there was the mother, father, and a slew of babies. 30 or something. we were commenting about how many children they had, when sena said, regarding the mother rabbit: "she probably got naked with her man a lot". that made me laugh, especially her choice of words.
today, i'm going to see my naturopath, to have a prenatal bloodtest, and just to talk to him about why i may be feeling so drained. i'm looking forward to my appointment, he's really pleasant to be around, and very insightful.
aiyana's been very sweet lately, waking up at random times during the night to give me kisses, and telling me that she loves me throughout the day. she keeps asking me if i'll still think she's cute when she grows up, and if i'll still sing her favorite song at night (snuggle puppy) and i try to reassure her. she seems upset about growing up, because she thinks that things may change too much...
ed's really excited about farming - he's planning to increase production significantly from last year. he ordered a lot more seeds, and is looking into buying a tractor. he's planning to plant about 1 acre of land this srping, and possibly to sell at the farmer's market. i'm really excited for him, and for me, because i know that when he's engaged in something he finds meaningful, he's so much happier. i won't be able to help much this year, but ed's really hardworking, and i think he can do a lot by himself. hopefuly the kids will get interested in small tasks like weeding - that could be helpful. our friends anita and brian are also being really supportive, espcially in terms of giving us advice about what to plant and what to sell.
so that's what's going on with us lately...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
news
i am expecting another baby. i'm at about 8 weeks right now, feeling very tired and nauseous most of the time. but this is my pattern, so i'm not surprised; i do hope that it will get better by 12 weeks, like it did with sena and aiyana. the pregnancy wasn't exactly planned (like most of my life), but it really wasn't a surprise either. ed and i were talking about having another baby, possibly, just throwing the idea back and forth. so now that i'm actually pregnant, i have a lot of feelings about it. i'm excited about having another baby. with two children, i always felt that maybe one more would be nice, but with three i feel that it's perfect. i'm also excited about the timing, because sena and aiyana will be (almost) 6 and 4 respectively, when the baby is born in September. i think those are really good ages in terms of being more independent, and also helpful. they are already super excited and want to do anything they can to help. i already put them in charge of hanging laundry, and sena does dishes after dinner sometimes; she also gets herself dressed and into her car seat when we're going somewhere, which is a great help to me, esp. now in the winter. aiyana is more dependent still, but she's trying. another very exciting thing for me, is that they both do quiet time a couple of hours every day, and i get to nap or rest during this time, which is a huge and allows me to function a little better in the evening. during quiet time, they play, do their workbooks, or draw in the living room. i still can't believe this is working out, but it's been a few weeks we've been doing it now, and so far so good.
my pregnancy is also providing a good homeschooling opportunity. sena and aiyana really want to know everything about the baby and how my body is changing, so we've been taking books out of the library, looking at pictures, and just talking about it a lot. sena already says that she wants to be at the birth and catch the baby, which i think would be great. i'm not sure if aiyana will be ready to witness anything that intense, so it may be better for her (and me) to be somewhere else, but we still got a while to go up to that time, so we'll see.
i'm also excited to be working with my midwives again. i'll be seeing them in a few weeks, and we already talked on the phone.
so there are a lot of positive feelings about this, but also a lot of ambivalence and some difficult feelings. sometimes, when my physical nausea and fatigue are especially strong, i find it hard to be in a good state of mind. this was especially true in Mexico, where i started experiencing a really unpleasant state. i just felt like nothing mattered, like there was no point to anything. even though my mind told me that of course there's a point to stuff, like doing things for my children for example, i just couldn't get myself to do anything, and could not shake that feeling of total apathy. my nausea was really strong over there, and i think that contributed to this awful feeling. since we've been back, i didn't experience anything like that; now i mostly get irritable, especially when i'm tired. sometimes i also get anxious about having a new baby. i know it will be hard no matter how helpful sena and aiyana are, and i don't want to expect too much from them, i don't want to burden them. i know there will be lack of sleep again, and all of that, and sometimes i get anxious about it.
but i realized that having all these feelings is ok, and more importantly i realized that i can hold them all: the excitement, the anxiety, and all the in-between.
peace
my pregnancy is also providing a good homeschooling opportunity. sena and aiyana really want to know everything about the baby and how my body is changing, so we've been taking books out of the library, looking at pictures, and just talking about it a lot. sena already says that she wants to be at the birth and catch the baby, which i think would be great. i'm not sure if aiyana will be ready to witness anything that intense, so it may be better for her (and me) to be somewhere else, but we still got a while to go up to that time, so we'll see.
i'm also excited to be working with my midwives again. i'll be seeing them in a few weeks, and we already talked on the phone.
so there are a lot of positive feelings about this, but also a lot of ambivalence and some difficult feelings. sometimes, when my physical nausea and fatigue are especially strong, i find it hard to be in a good state of mind. this was especially true in Mexico, where i started experiencing a really unpleasant state. i just felt like nothing mattered, like there was no point to anything. even though my mind told me that of course there's a point to stuff, like doing things for my children for example, i just couldn't get myself to do anything, and could not shake that feeling of total apathy. my nausea was really strong over there, and i think that contributed to this awful feeling. since we've been back, i didn't experience anything like that; now i mostly get irritable, especially when i'm tired. sometimes i also get anxious about having a new baby. i know it will be hard no matter how helpful sena and aiyana are, and i don't want to expect too much from them, i don't want to burden them. i know there will be lack of sleep again, and all of that, and sometimes i get anxious about it.
but i realized that having all these feelings is ok, and more importantly i realized that i can hold them all: the excitement, the anxiety, and all the in-between.
peace
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
back home
i had some misgivings about coming back home, especially back to winter; but we've been back almost a week, and it feels amazing. i actually love the winter, it feels right to be here at this time, and i'm glad that i got to experience part of it before the coming of spring. being back feels good on many levels: seeing my family and friends; being back in our cozy house; having access to good food again (the food in Mexico tasted good, but our diet as vegetarians was quite limited, and also, i wasn't crazy about the way food was grown over there, with all the arificial fertilizers and pesticides); having some privacy again (in Mx, the people were very friendly and giving, but i found it hard to find silence or solitude when i needed them); and the kids have been more independent, confident and self-reliant it seems, since we got home, which is the opposite of what happened when we first got to Mexico, when they became pretty clingy and demanding.
since we came home, i met some friends who told me that they followed my blog when we were gone, and enjoyed reading it; i just want to say that sharing my experiences through my blog added a different dimension to my trip, and made it more exciting, and i am very thankful for the interest that you have shown.
since we came home, i met some friends who told me that they followed my blog when we were gone, and enjoyed reading it; i just want to say that sharing my experiences through my blog added a different dimension to my trip, and made it more exciting, and i am very thankful for the interest that you have shown.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
last pictures from Mexico
just fooling around (wich is aiyana's trademark)
they ate insame amounts of raw carrots in mexico...i guess we'll have to up carrot production in our garden this year
el tule, the 2500-year-old tree
view of the tree relative to the church next door
they ate insame amounts of raw carrots in mexico...i guess we'll have to up carrot production in our garden this year
el tule, the 2500-year-old tree
view of the tree relative to the church next door
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monte Alban
we finally went to visit the Zapotec ruins at Monte Alban on sunday. they date from around 500BC, and were very impressive. i was feeling tired in the morning and almost decided not to go, but i am really glad that i finally did. the place was very spacious and open, and it was easy to be there. there weren't many people (relative to the size of the site), so it felt like we had space and time to take everything in.
here are a few pics:
here are a few pics:
Friday, January 16, 2009
back to oaxaca
we're back in oaxaca for 4 nights before heading back to the US on tuesday. i am looking forward to 2 trips we're planning to take while here: to El Tule, a 2500 year-old cypress, and to Monte Alban, an important Zapotec ruin dating from 500BC.
today, the girls and i went out walking around the city in the morning, and we took these pictures:
this is the Pochote market, a small organic farmer's market. there were people selling produce, a couple of vendors selling excellent cooked food, and one woman selling plain, home-made yoghurt with no sugar added. i had given up on finding any yoghurt without tons of sugar added (even the kids refused to eat it, that's how sweet it was).
this funny tree had spikes all over its trunk
the girls enjoying their croissants and passion-fruit juice at the market
cathedral santo domingo, which we visited this morning. sena was very impressed with the gilded interior...
the fountain at our hotel. we're staying at hotel maela, which is excellent in all aspects, including location.
today, the girls and i went out walking around the city in the morning, and we took these pictures:
this is the Pochote market, a small organic farmer's market. there were people selling produce, a couple of vendors selling excellent cooked food, and one woman selling plain, home-made yoghurt with no sugar added. i had given up on finding any yoghurt without tons of sugar added (even the kids refused to eat it, that's how sweet it was).
this funny tree had spikes all over its trunk
the girls enjoying their croissants and passion-fruit juice at the market
cathedral santo domingo, which we visited this morning. sena was very impressed with the gilded interior...
the fountain at our hotel. we're staying at hotel maela, which is excellent in all aspects, including location.
what i will miss about ixtlan
yesterday was our last day in ixtlan, and i'm already feeling how much i will miss certain things. things like:
the mountains
the juice bar
the cobbled stoned streets
walking everyhere, not needing a car
the safe, child-oriented environment
the market
the friendly, welcoming people
pablo's family
people's relaxed attitude about many things, especially time
the fiestas
the mountains
the juice bar
the cobbled stoned streets
walking everyhere, not needing a car
the safe, child-oriented environment
the market
the friendly, welcoming people
pablo's family
people's relaxed attitude about many things, especially time
the fiestas
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
from sena and aiyana
ed is in oaxaca today, and the kids and i are still in ixtlan. ed's been travelling between oaxaca and ixtlan since monday, and it's a little hard bc it takes him 2hrs each way. so tonight he will sleep in oaxaca at our new hotel, and tomorrow the kids and i will join him there. we will spend our remaining 6 days in oaxaca before flying back home.
sena and aiyana were missing ed this morning, so they made two drawings for him, to express how they feel:
here's aiyana's. she wrote: 'dada. love. sad. i love dada. aiyana. dada. ed. pelota (which means ball in spanish). we got a new ball.
and this is sena's. i think it's easier to read what she wrote so i won't rewrite it.
sena and aiyana were missing ed this morning, so they made two drawings for him, to express how they feel:
here's aiyana's. she wrote: 'dada. love. sad. i love dada. aiyana. dada. ed. pelota (which means ball in spanish). we got a new ball.
and this is sena's. i think it's easier to read what she wrote so i won't rewrite it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
la boda (the wedding)
a while ago, our landlord pablo and his family invited us to a wedding they were supposed to attend. the wedding took place this past saturday. the girls were very excited about it, and ed and i were more curious than anything. in keeping with mexican time, we went about three hours late. at the last minute, pablo's daughter took us to a store nearby, where we each got a gift for the bride and groom. we were told not to give them money, since this is not done here, but instead to buy them a small gift of houseware. we got them a set of cups with saucers, which pablo and his family seemed to approve of. when we got to the wedding, which was just up the hill from our house, we went up to the bride and groom, who had no idea who we were, except for the fact that we were with pablo's family. we congratulated them and gave them the present. then we went to look for a place to sit. there were many people, hundreds maybe, sitting at tables spread out in the courtyard of a house, on a grass field directly in front of the house, and on the road passing in front of the house, which was now completely blocked. apparently this was not a problem...given the low trafic conditions, i guess... we sat and ate; there was tons of food, all served in styrofoam containers, styrofoam cups, etc. then, the music began. the grassy field was cleared of tables, and that became the dancefloor for the rest of the night. there was a band playing at first, then two more stages were set up for lter bands. the music was extra loud, which we are used to by now. regardless, everyone was having conversations, or at least trying, dancing, drinking, and just having a good time. a bunch of people that may or may not have been invited showed up and sat on a fence nearby, drinking and having a good time. nobody seemed to mind, to the contrary, they seemed entertained by the borrachios (drunks) who soon started to dance. lots of people were dancing, others were sitting down and looking at everyone else; everyone seemed really relaxed, enjoying the whole thing. ed and i had some one-onone dancing lessons from pablo's kids. sena and aiyana also danced and played the whole evening. after some hours, the cake was to be cut. we had stayed this late because aiyana really wanted to see the cake cutting. we were all tired by now. yet, the whole cutting thing seemed to be really involved. first two huge baskets filled with candy came out; the bride and groom walked among the crowd of guests throwing handfulls of candy out; each time they did that, there followed a mad stampede and all the candy was gone soon enough, our kids got tons, and were very excited. we told sena earlier that evening that she could make her own decision as to how much sugar to have. seeing how her eyes sparkled now, i wasn't sure this was a good approach. but amazingly, she only decided to have one piece of gum, and one candy, which aiyana also did. the cake wasn't coming out any time soon it seemed, so we decided to leave at that point. we were all exhausted so we fell asleep soon after we got home, even though the music blared for the the rest of the night. pablo and his family seemed really proud to give us this experience of the wedding, and i am grateful to them for it.
pablo and the kids waiting for the wedding party to pass by. sena and ayiana were really exciteda bout seeing the bride...
the wedding party coming down the street
sena, aiyana, jesus and pedrito, getting ready to eat at the party. see those red soda bottles? jesus and pedrito finished half of one in about 15 minutes. this is not uncommon here....
everybody dancing
and the kids played when taking a brake from dancing
pablo and the kids waiting for the wedding party to pass by. sena and ayiana were really exciteda bout seeing the bride...
the wedding party coming down the street
sena, aiyana, jesus and pedrito, getting ready to eat at the party. see those red soda bottles? jesus and pedrito finished half of one in about 15 minutes. this is not uncommon here....
everybody dancing
and the kids played when taking a brake from dancing
Monday, January 12, 2009
boone hallberg
yesterday, ed and i had a couple of hours without the kids (they were with pablo's family), and we decided to go see boone hallberg. boone is a famous botanist, who's lived near here for the past 50 years. i first read about him in oliver sacks' book "oaxaca journal"; the next time i heard about him was when pablo took ed to visit him a few weeks ago. when ed told me about his visit (i had stayed home with the kids), i knew i had to meet him.
the man is 84 years old, and lives alone on a ranch with gorgeous views of the surrounding mountains, a few kilometers from ixtlan. his ranch is actually very humble, consisting of a large library room packed with all kinds of books (botany, anthropology, philosophy, etc), and a tiny bedroom with a small wood stove, a small simple bed, a table and 2 chairs.
when we arrived at his house yesterday it was raining, which is quite unusual at this time of year, so we spent most of the time inside his house talking. i was totally amazed and touched by his demoeanour, and his ways. he is obviously very knowledgeable about botany, agriculture, environment, politics, economics and many other tings; also, he is obviously famous, at least in his profession - we saw many books that reference his work, many letters from authors that wrote to thank him for his research and contributions; yet, he came across, in the way he spoke and behaved, as very humble, and very approachable; he was also very patient with us, given our ignorance on so many levels, and he took the time to explain everything we asked; he never used academic jargon or anything like that, yet i feel that he conveyed a lot of information to us, especially about mexican-american politics and economics, and about sustainable agriculture, which is what i was most interested in talking to him about.
a funny thing is that throughout our discussion with him, i felt so emotional, i almost started crying several times; maybe it was the open atmosphere; maybe it was just him, how real and unpretentious he was; and maybe it was also what he was saying, and how hopeless the situation can seem as far as how people treat the earth. he told us for example that here in mexico, there used to be many varieties of corn, which people grew everywhere without any chemicals; this has been the case for thousands of years; yet now, there are hardly any corn fields left (which we noticed); all the corn used here now comes from the US, and it's cheaper than what's grown here. that's because in the US corn is subsidized; it is also grown using chemical fertilizers, and other artificial means, it is of inferior nutritional value, it's unsustainable, and it is damaging the earth, the way it's grown. he showed us all these charts and pictures, showing the many varieties that used to grow here, now replaced by few mported ones. anyone who wants to grow corn here now is put in an impossible condition, where he won't be able to compete against the much cheaper american corn, which the mexican government promotes. boone says that the mexican government is protecting the interests of large corn growers in the US, as well as the fertilizer industry, while local corn growers are forced out of business, and the knowledge of how to grow corn sustainably is being lost.
he told us other stories like this, and i don't think he was being dramatic or fatalistic; he has half of century of experience and knowledge supporting his conclusions. yet, throughout our visit, he seemed happy, and mostly, he seemed at peace with things. he never gave the impression of complaining, even when he spoke of these trends which i found very depressing.
at the end of our visit, it was still raining, but we went for a walk around his property anyway. this was also very moving for me, as it was evident how much he loved his plants, and what a special relatonship he had developed with the land. this was definitely a highlight of our trip here, and i hope to visit with him again when we come back.
here are some pics taking at his house:
here are some wild corn ancestor plants, growing by Boone's house
the man is 84 years old, and lives alone on a ranch with gorgeous views of the surrounding mountains, a few kilometers from ixtlan. his ranch is actually very humble, consisting of a large library room packed with all kinds of books (botany, anthropology, philosophy, etc), and a tiny bedroom with a small wood stove, a small simple bed, a table and 2 chairs.
when we arrived at his house yesterday it was raining, which is quite unusual at this time of year, so we spent most of the time inside his house talking. i was totally amazed and touched by his demoeanour, and his ways. he is obviously very knowledgeable about botany, agriculture, environment, politics, economics and many other tings; also, he is obviously famous, at least in his profession - we saw many books that reference his work, many letters from authors that wrote to thank him for his research and contributions; yet, he came across, in the way he spoke and behaved, as very humble, and very approachable; he was also very patient with us, given our ignorance on so many levels, and he took the time to explain everything we asked; he never used academic jargon or anything like that, yet i feel that he conveyed a lot of information to us, especially about mexican-american politics and economics, and about sustainable agriculture, which is what i was most interested in talking to him about.
a funny thing is that throughout our discussion with him, i felt so emotional, i almost started crying several times; maybe it was the open atmosphere; maybe it was just him, how real and unpretentious he was; and maybe it was also what he was saying, and how hopeless the situation can seem as far as how people treat the earth. he told us for example that here in mexico, there used to be many varieties of corn, which people grew everywhere without any chemicals; this has been the case for thousands of years; yet now, there are hardly any corn fields left (which we noticed); all the corn used here now comes from the US, and it's cheaper than what's grown here. that's because in the US corn is subsidized; it is also grown using chemical fertilizers, and other artificial means, it is of inferior nutritional value, it's unsustainable, and it is damaging the earth, the way it's grown. he showed us all these charts and pictures, showing the many varieties that used to grow here, now replaced by few mported ones. anyone who wants to grow corn here now is put in an impossible condition, where he won't be able to compete against the much cheaper american corn, which the mexican government promotes. boone says that the mexican government is protecting the interests of large corn growers in the US, as well as the fertilizer industry, while local corn growers are forced out of business, and the knowledge of how to grow corn sustainably is being lost.
he told us other stories like this, and i don't think he was being dramatic or fatalistic; he has half of century of experience and knowledge supporting his conclusions. yet, throughout our visit, he seemed happy, and mostly, he seemed at peace with things. he never gave the impression of complaining, even when he spoke of these trends which i found very depressing.
at the end of our visit, it was still raining, but we went for a walk around his property anyway. this was also very moving for me, as it was evident how much he loved his plants, and what a special relatonship he had developed with the land. this was definitely a highlight of our trip here, and i hope to visit with him again when we come back.
here are some pics taking at his house:
i think this one is most interesting. it shows the ancestor of corn, on the left, and the corn we're familiar with on the right. according to boone, native people produced the edible corn somehow starting with the original plant, but we still don't understand how. i didn't know this, but edible corn will not propagate by itself in the wild, and needs human intervention to replant it.
here are some wild corn ancestor plants, growing by Boone's house
Saturday, January 10, 2009
daytrip to the cabañas
a few days ago, we took a daytrip back to the cabañas where we stayed when we first came to ixtlan. we knew there was a river there and wanted to spend some time by the water. here are some pictures from that day:
the river went into this cave, before coming out again on the other side of the mountain
sena and aiyana, playing with their newly received gifts from grandma
little waterfall
the swinging bridge we had to go over in order to cross the river
in the afternoon, we went to a different spot on the river, one that was shallower and easier for the kids to play in.
and this is the river
the river went into this cave, before coming out again on the other side of the mountain
sena and aiyana, playing with their newly received gifts from grandma
little waterfall
the swinging bridge we had to go over in order to cross the river
in the afternoon, we went to a different spot on the river, one that was shallower and easier for the kids to play in.
here is ed reading his book in the sun.
and this is the river
Thursday, January 08, 2009
2008, 2009
i've been thinking about the past year, and the new one. i came up with a short summary of highlights from 2008, and a short list of ideas or things i'd like to devote some energy to in 2009:
2008:
mamaia died
homeschooling
volunteering with MAC
12 amazing women's circles
deepening connection with nature
2009:
continue cooking/bartering for friends and people i know
yoga
grow more of our own food
2008:
mamaia died
homeschooling
volunteering with MAC
12 amazing women's circles
deepening connection with nature
2009:
continue cooking/bartering for friends and people i know
yoga
grow more of our own food
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
el dia de los reyes
yesterday, people in ixtlan celebrated the equivalent of santa clause at home. it was "three kings day" and it was all about the kids. there was a procession of kids marching through the streets, then a church service, and then evryone assembled at the basketball court, where there was a whole program and activities organized just for the kids (we only participated in this last event). there were clowns and people dressed funny, there was very loud music, and bouncy houses. there were treats given out to everyone: traditional sweet bread, fake-colored juices, jello, and other junk food. finally, everyone got in two huge lines, girls in one line, boys in another, and then, the presents came out. huge bags filled with toys, boxes of clothes, tons of stuff. the kids were extatic. everyone got a gift, or two, and everyone in ixtlan was there, so that was a lot of gifts. the municipio paid for everything, which is the norm over here.
i think this is a nice system, because all the kids get something of more or less equal value, regardless of their family's financial means (most people give their kids something else at home too, but those who can't afford to at least still get something at the town fiesta). sena and aiyana got a barbie (their first!) and a tea set each, and they were really happy. our landlord, whose brother is the president of ixtlan, gave us special treatment at the fiesta, getting the kids to be first in the gift line, and other stuff like that. it felt a bit weird, although we appreciated his generosity. we felt uncomfortable being so pampered, when we already feel pretty priviledged compared to most people over here...but i guess that was his way of honoring us as his guests. he and his family are very kind...
a couple of pics from the event:
i think this is a nice system, because all the kids get something of more or less equal value, regardless of their family's financial means (most people give their kids something else at home too, but those who can't afford to at least still get something at the town fiesta). sena and aiyana got a barbie (their first!) and a tea set each, and they were really happy. our landlord, whose brother is the president of ixtlan, gave us special treatment at the fiesta, getting the kids to be first in the gift line, and other stuff like that. it felt a bit weird, although we appreciated his generosity. we felt uncomfortable being so pampered, when we already feel pretty priviledged compared to most people over here...but i guess that was his way of honoring us as his guests. he and his family are very kind...
a couple of pics from the event:
Saturday, January 03, 2009
pictures from an evening walk
hello down there...seemed to say this doggie from high up on a roof, as we passed on the street below
the street below...
i love the small cobble stone streets in ixtlan. cars can barely squeeze through, but they're just fine for people walking
people here often build their own houses themselves. there seem to be no codes or regulations that need to be followed, and as a result many homes look quite unique.
aiyana, enjoying the pretty orange flowers
one of the streets we took went high above the village. this is the view of ixtlan below.
ed and the girls looing at the mountains in the distance
aiyana wanted me to take this picture of her. she likes to pose, i think, and she never does a fake smile for the camera. she seems to be at ease posing and still being natural.
the street below...
i love the small cobble stone streets in ixtlan. cars can barely squeeze through, but they're just fine for people walking
people here often build their own houses themselves. there seem to be no codes or regulations that need to be followed, and as a result many homes look quite unique.
aiyana, enjoying the pretty orange flowers
one of the streets we took went high above the village. this is the view of ixtlan below.
ed and the girls looing at the mountains in the distance
aiyana wanted me to take this picture of her. she likes to pose, i think, and she never does a fake smile for the camera. she seems to be at ease posing and still being natural.
woman on the street
yesterday, as the girls and i headed out of the house, we saw an old woman in traditional dress coming up the street. i said "buenas dias" to her and she smiled at me and returned my greeting. her smile stayed, as she turned her eyes to sena and aiyana. she went over to aiyana, picked her up, and gave her a big hug. she did the same with sena, and then she came over to me. she took my hand in her hands and looked at me, wishing me happiness, then she also gave me a great big hug. she was only 4 ft tall, and a little stooped over, but her arms felt really strong around me. i actually felt very comforted by this woman's unexpected affection. her sincerity and openess, and the way her face lit up when she saw the kids reminded me of my grandmother, mamaia, and i felt emotional.
the other day i wrote how sometimes there seems to be no point to anything, but in situations like the one i just described, there is no need for a point. it's just a beautiful experience and that's enough.
the other day i wrote how sometimes there seems to be no point to anything, but in situations like the one i just described, there is no need for a point. it's just a beautiful experience and that's enough.
Friday, January 02, 2009
daytrip to oaxaca
a couple of days ago, we decided to go on a daytrip to oaxaca city. ed wanted to look into some spanish classes, and the girls and i were excited to check out the art galleries, and the street scene, which is much different from here in ixtlan.
the ride down the mountain from ixtlan is 30km, and takes about 1hr. it was a hellish ride, and all of us were feeling sick by the end. there are so many curves as you come down the mountain, and the drivers are not exactly going slow. sena threw up as soon as we got out of the car. she was the lucky one, the rest of us just felt queasy the rest of the day.
once in oaxaca though, things got much better. there was tons of stuff going on, lots of tourists everywhere (which actually got overwhelming after a while), and street vendors with all types of interesting things. the girls had fun playing in a park, while i waited for my nausea to pass, and ed went to check on some schools. we had lunch at a place with good organic food, and later we had a decent vegetarian dinner at another restaurant. we were thinking of getting a hotel and spending the night in oaxaca, so that we didn't have to ride up the mountian the same day, but every hotel we checked was packed full, this being high season.
we had no option but to drive back the same night. we hired a taxi and asked the guy to drive slowly. he was really nice, did his best, but it was still a hard drive. we got home in the dark feeling nauseous, and went straight to sleep. i don't think we'll be taking daytrips to oaxaca anymore, but we'll be spening some time there before flying home at the end of our trip.
the girls, playing in Juarez park
the ride down the mountain from ixtlan is 30km, and takes about 1hr. it was a hellish ride, and all of us were feeling sick by the end. there are so many curves as you come down the mountain, and the drivers are not exactly going slow. sena threw up as soon as we got out of the car. she was the lucky one, the rest of us just felt queasy the rest of the day.
once in oaxaca though, things got much better. there was tons of stuff going on, lots of tourists everywhere (which actually got overwhelming after a while), and street vendors with all types of interesting things. the girls had fun playing in a park, while i waited for my nausea to pass, and ed went to check on some schools. we had lunch at a place with good organic food, and later we had a decent vegetarian dinner at another restaurant. we were thinking of getting a hotel and spending the night in oaxaca, so that we didn't have to ride up the mountian the same day, but every hotel we checked was packed full, this being high season.
we had no option but to drive back the same night. we hired a taxi and asked the guy to drive slowly. he was really nice, did his best, but it was still a hard drive. we got home in the dark feeling nauseous, and went straight to sleep. i don't think we'll be taking daytrips to oaxaca anymore, but we'll be spening some time there before flying home at the end of our trip.
the girls, playing in Juarez park
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)