we complain so much about not having enough time, but what do we do with the time we have? mostly waste it.
i'm done with that. i feel something brewing. maybe something big, maybe something un-noticeable from the outside. i don't know how it's going to manifest, but i want to stop living a scripted life. want to shed the fears that keep me from living.

on wednesdays, sena and aiyana have gymnastics and i usually drive them. but today ed wanted to drive, so i found myself with some extra time. i decided to ride my bike around town and do some errands. i forgot how much fun it is to ride my bike. it has been a while... i forgot that feeling of freedom. i feel pretty attached to my bike. it's like an old friend that has seen me through some fun times, and some difficult times. i rode it through asia for 3 months in 2001, on a trip i will never forget. now i rarely ride it, but when i do, it's a pleasure.

tomorrow is the last day of our CSA. we had a good season, and despite some setbacks in june due to rainy cold weather, overall we had good harvests. we had more than enough for everyone in the CSA, and i feel at peace that we provided what members paid for and more. i take the CSA very seriously, especially the fact that people pay us in advance for the season. i want to make sure we deliver what they pay for, even though some important factors are out of my control - weather for example. i used to get very anxious when something went wrong with a crop, but over the past few years, i learned that even if one or two crops suffer, other crops will not. there are usually ways to mitigate setbacks, and the fact that we grow 40 different crops and have flexibility with planting times gives us a lot of resilience. we may have problems with two or three crops, but 40 crops are unlikely to all suffer.

so with the CSA ending, and with plenty of food stored for the winter for our own family, i feel a sense of relief and satisfaction. we still have crops in the field, and we will still sell through out email list, but there's no commitment. we will sell as long as the weather permits and as long as the crops hold up, before the hard frosts come.

to celebrate the end of the season, we are going to cape cod for 3 days. we are camping in a state park, in a yurt. the girls are very excited. the park is connected to a rails-to-trails network, so we are bringing our bikes. we plan to ride and explore the cape and the national seashore. there should be plenty of outdoors things to do. i just hope that the weather holds up.

it feels good to be alive.
peace

we had some strong winds this past week, and many leaves fell to the ground. the trees are more and more bare with each passing day, and the ground is covered by a thick leaf mulch, which will protect the soil over the winter. the geese call from up above, another sign that winter is coming. nature is drawing in for the cold season.

sena and i preserved some herbs for the winter this week. we collected nettles and sage for tea; oregano, thyme and marjoram for seasoning. we put the herbs in paper bags and hung them in the kitchen to dry. we also harvested dill, cilantro and lovage and dried them in the dehydrator. when they were done, we put them in glass jars on the spice rack in the kitchen. they were bright green and looked pretty among the other spices.
the house has been smelling heavenly with all these drying herbs, and twice on thursday i left my work outside and walked in just to enjoy the aroma.

we are homeschooling again, now that fall is here. ed does moslty math and spelling with the girls. he works with them in the afternoon. i work with them in the morning, and we do writing, history and geography, natural sciences, spanish and logic. we don't cover all this every single day, but go through a weekly rotation of subjects according to a schedule we made.
the girls love history and geography the most. aiyana also loves spelling, and she's really good at it. sena loves logic games, and she does them without being asked to. she also really likes fractions.

by teaching sena and aiyana, i am learning a lot myself. like them, i love the history and geography lessons. i remember when i was a child, history was my favorite subject, especially ancient history, but with testing and other kinds of school pressures i slowly lost interest. i always got good grades, but on a personal level, i stopped caring. now, because of sena and aiyana, i've rediscovered my interest and i feel lucky to be able to learn and share with them. it's a great bonding experience.

one thing i love and hope to get them more into is maps. i find it very relaxing, and at the same time exciting to look at maps and find different features, like rivers or mountains, and imagine what a particular place must look like.

all this being said, my number one reason for homeschooling is because i want the kids to be outside. i want them to acquire the deep sensory memories and awareness which only intimacy with nature can give. connection with nature in early childhood is of outstanding importance to me. i found from my own experience that whatever happens life, this is one of the few precious things we can come back to when we need clarity and support.

peace

Columbus Day

columbus, cortez, pizzaro: three europeans, who crossed the ocean driven by curiosity, yes, but mostly by greed and arrogance. they killed the native people through deceit and disease; they enslaved them and disrespected their culture; they stole from them silver and gold, and stole from the earth.
why are we celebrating Columbus day? to me, this day stands only as a reminder that greed, deceit and arrogance have always been important forces in the history of the world.
the only positive aspect i see in Columbus day is a reminder that we need do better. are we doing better?

i feel like the weather has been outstanding lately, every single day.
from the moment i wake up and look outside the window, i feel an urgency to live and take in the day fully.
i like to drink a glass of water as soon as i get up, and then go out and breathe in the fresh fall air. those two things, water and air, so fundamental, so good, but so easy to overlook when the mind is clouded with worries and anxieties. but, i've been lucky to be alert in the morning, at least enough to appreciate this beautiful autumn we're having.

pictures from our daily life

apples ready to go into the dehydrator for apple chips

sena, doing homework. it's been so nice out lately that being indoors doesn't feel right. so we homeschool outside. the cats like to join in.

one day after history lessons, sena and aiyana make this sign out of bark they got off some fallen logs.

aiyana eating breakfast before going to the soup kitchen. she volunteers once a week with a couple of our friends who bring her. she grates carrots, makes salads and serves food. she initiated this herself, and seems to like going. sena used to go a few years ago, but she stopped after about one year.

 morning dew

aiyana in the field. the patch behind her has recently been harvested (used to be lettuces) and reseeded to a covercrop. covercrops are the only thing we plant at this time of the year. they protect and feed the soil during the cold months.

i read somewhere that the earth/soil knows when it is being loved. i think it's true.
peace

Autumn Equinox

clearly, autumn is here in all her beauty and abundance. the mornings are crisp, and sometimes frosty. the sky is clear and the sun strong at mid-day. darkness comes earlier with each passing day, and with it colder nights.

for the past few weeks i have been busy harvesting and putting away food for the winter: potatoes are stored in the root cellar; apples are made into apple sauce and apple chips; autumn olives growing wild are made into jam. winter squashes, turnips, sweet potatoes, cabbages, carrots and beets are still laying in the field but will soon be harvested and stored away. it's such an abundant time, so many reasons to be grateful. the abundance is not only the fruits and vegetables that will sustain us physically during winter, but in the beauty that is here before our eyes right now, that sustains the spirit, as trees turn flaming colors and nature begins its transitions towards winter rest, and we are reminded to do the same.

i am grateful and elated for being here, for the opportunity to witness another autumn, another turn of the cycle. how many more times will i have the chance to be a part of this? i don't know, and i don't want to waste one moment.

be awake and enjoy this beautiful time.

difficult corn season

corn has been tricky this year due to the heavy rains and low temps at the beginning of the season. we lost our first two plantings, and our third only took off late in july. but we harvested some last week, and hopefully more will come. sena and aiyana are very excited.

Little Mind, Big Mind

One is mine, the other one also.

One is tangled in worries, fears, ambitions, pride, excitement.

Sometimes it is happy.

The other is free, expansive, contemplative, accepting,

At peace with all that is. Always.

I’ve walked with them for years,

And only recently acknowledged how they rule my life.

When Little Mind causes agitation,

Or too much excitement,

I call on Big Mind.

Sometimes, that brings calm.

When Big Mind sweeps me away, too far,

I call on Little Mind to help me clean the kitchen.

I am grateful for Little Mind,

With its sharp, narrow focus,

Ruler of Daily Activity.

Without it how can I be a mother, farmer, a person that lives among others?

How can I get anything done?

I am grateful for Big Mind, my Teacher,

Knower of Mountains and Valleys,

Thunder and Rain,

Tiny creatures,

The holiness of the Earth,

Seer of infinite things.

It brings me glimpses of Joy and Beauty,

And soothes like nothing else can.

Little Mind, Big Mind,

Being human, walking both.

two of a kind (makes me think of a happy "American Gothic")

my morning coffee ritual just got better as a friend gave me this antique manual grinder. it works well, and it fits in the kitchen better than the electric one i used before.

Sunday

today, ed and aiyana went to the flea market with one of our friends to look for farm equipment.
sena and i stayed home. we made a really nice lunch for ourselves: sena ground some wheat and baked chapatis. i made baba ghanouj with our eggplants; we also had fresh mozarella, basil, tomatoes, and red onions. very satisfying.

the deer were not dissuaded by the lures ed placed on the electric fence last night. they came in anyway and ate more carrots. ed ended up shooting one. we had a friend come over and pick it up - his family wanted the meat. it's always a difficult experience for all of us when the deer get in...

deer damage

looks like we're getting deer damage again. they're eating the carrot tops and apples. ed's going to try baiting the electric fence so that they get a stronger shock than they've been getting, which hopefully will discourage them from coming in. i hope that works.

more on the family cow

i've been learning a lot about cows lately. reading, visiting different farms and talking to people. one thing that strikes me is how generous the people we visited have been with their time and sharing of what they know.

last week we visited an abbey in Bethlehem, CT. the nuns who live there have 400 acres, and their place is beautiful. it's a kind of homestead, and of course religious community; they live there and produce much of their own food. the nun we met with is in charge of the milking cows. she took a few hours with us, showing us her animals, the pastures they are rotated through, and their barns and milking parlor, as well as the creamery, where they turn their raw milk into gorgeous butter, creamy yoghurt and all kinds of cheeses. we were told that another nun is in charge of the gardens, where she grows food and preserves for the winter months. apparently most of what the nun produce is for their own use, with very little for sale and only when they have extra.
the abbey had a very idylic feel about it, so much so that sena and aiyana asked me if they could be nuns. yes, living away from the cares and craziness of the world, providing for your own needs, in rythm with nature is certainly an appealing ideal. but there is more to being a nun, and i tried to explain that.

as of now, we seem to be leaning towards two heritage multipurpose cow breeds: dexters and devons. we are looking for 2 cows with the following characteristics:

• hardy and vigurous, for year-round rotation on pasture. the main reason we are getting cows is for soil health and fertility. we plan to integrate them with our vegetable production, rotating them in a way that will improve soil, build good pasture, and ensure long term, sustainable fertility.

• good temperament so that the kids can be around them on a regular basis, milking and caring for them
• low milk production, since the milk will be only for our own needs

there is no financial reward for us in doing things this way, quite the opposite actually. but there are other rewards, such as building a more sustainable homestead for ourselves; teaching sena and aiyana practical skills that they can use to live independently if they chose to; and doing what's good for the earth.

peace

food preservation for the winter months

last friday i spent the whole day in the kitchen. i canned tomato sauce and froze/vacuum sealed red and green peppers, and peaches. i still have beans to do, but we're starting to have a nice stock of food for the winter. sena helped, as you see in this picture, she picked the peaches, and did the vacuum sealing.

peace

muffins and cows

peaches are in. melons too. we're eating lots of fresh fruit these days.

sena and aiyana ate about 10 peaches each yesterday morning, and when ed suggested that maybe that's enough, they decided to make muffins and sell them at the CSA. ed and i were busy all day picking and prepping for the CSA so we did not get involved with their project at all. sena's idea was to sell the muffins and donate the money to the whale organization she's been involved with, CSI (Cetaceans Society International). we only have one mufin tray, so they ended up making 3 batches of 6 peach muffins. the muffins were a hit, especially hot out of the oven as they were. they were tasty too, i had one. between muffins and straight donations that people made for the whales, sena and aiyana raised about 35 dollars. i have to say that i am really proud of how they took initiative and got this done. i think most people thought that i made the muffins and the kids were just selling them to be cute, but i really had nothing to do with it at all, and was just as surprised to see them at their little table with the whale sign, selling, as anyone else. also, i don't think people realized they were getting top quality ingredients, such as fresh peaches just picked off our tree, freshly ground local wheat, local maple syrup made by a friend, etc.

this past weekend ed and i went cow shopping. we visited 2 farms in the Berkshires to learn more about pastured cows, and possibly buy a couple. both farms were beautiful. one was owned by an older woman who is a medical doctor and a farmer. part of her doctoring is to treat people right there on the farm, by getting them involved with farm work to their level of ability. i think she treats all kinds of things, but she mentioned cancer and mental stuff. her property was beautiful, and if i were sick that's the kind of place i'd want to be treated at. she had 2 dutch belted cows for sale, and we spent some time looking at them. she also had pigs and chickens, as well as vegetables and fruit trees on her farm. she said that her involvement with farming is not for money, but for the freedom and lifestyle it allows her. i liked her a lot.

the second farm was much bigger, but also beautiful. 200 acres of land, with cows, pigs, goats and chickens all in rotation, all with their functions: cows for grazing pastures, chickens for following the cows and controlling fly populations, goats to clear brush, and pigs to till and open up new land in forested areas. the farmer who works there owns the animals, but not the land. he makes money by selling meat, raw milk, eggs, and other products from the animals. he is a young guy, who seemed humble and low key, but also knowledgeable and willing to share what he knows. i also liked him very much, and the other people who worked with him.

tonight and tomorrow we are going to see more cows, and this weekend we're going to vermont for the same reason. when i spoke to the farmer in vermont and told him that i was from montreal, he told me that the botanical gardens there have a wonderful exhibit on display right now, so for my friends and family living there, check it out.

thoughts

i like to work.
working for money can obscure other more imporant reasons for working.

it's good to know your own history, where you come from. there's a certain peace in it.

there's a kind of memory that's stored in the senses, which is very powerful, and maybe the longest lasting. like the smell of fresh cool mountain air, or freshly cut hay, or the smell of the ocean, or the way you felt about someone on a certain autumn day. i'd like to learn more about this kind of memory.

it's good to learn the ways of humans, at least enough to get around and to know how you got to where you are, and then, it's good to unlearn and blend in with beings that are more sane and permanent.

peace

caprese sandwich

been having a lot of these recently, and sena and aiyana can't get enough:

• slice of fresh, crusty, home-made bread (can skip if gluten-free), piled with:
• freshly made basil pesto, or a few leaves of fresh basil
• fresh mozarella (i also like feta, or fresh chevre would be good too)
• roasted eggplant, sliced thinly before roasting and seasoned with salt and pepper
• thick slice of fresh, juicy, ripe tomato
• salt and pepper sprinkled on top

simple and satisfying, this is truly a feast for the senses, but everything has to be fresh, otherwise i think most what makes it good is lost.

peace

before i go to bed i like to read for about 15-20 minutes (more if possible, but usually i don't last longer than that). here's what i've been reading:

• the bible of soil science, as one friend reffered to it, The Nature and Properties of Soils. amazing book. i can relate to and apply so much of it. glad i'm reading it now, not a few years ago, when much of it would've been theoretical and would've gone over my head.
• a history book about the Ottoman Empire, called Lords of the Horizons, because it reminds me of things i learned in history class in Romania, and because i think i will find clues to my past in it.
• a book on cheese making, because i might be getting into that this winter. i think we're getting a cow soon.

misty, sunny morning

it has been so pleasant out these past few days: sunny, cool, and low humidity. i can't get enough of it.
this morning was misty and sunny at the same time, really beautiful, and i got a picture of it. you can see one of our fields with lettuces, sweet potatoes, peppers, beans, and in the tunnels arugula, mustard and mizuna greens; the bare-looking ground is a recent planting of carrots.

and these are our onions, recently harvested and drying in the sun

peace