post-holiday stuff

tue jan 2nd 2007

the holidays are over, and i'm happy to be back to my daily routine. i like my everyday life; although the holidays have been nice too - this year, i tried to balance the social events with more personal stuff, and it worked really well. on the 24th, the 4 of us went for a bike ride in the morning, before going to a large family get-together at night. we rode to a farm at UConn, and said hello to the cows, horses and sheep. then on the 25th, aiyana and i went for a hike in the woods, by a river, before heading to another family party. both days, the weather was beautiful, and being outside felt so good. i felt grounded and happy, and it balanced the rest of the day really nicely. being in nature, as usual, brought me a measure of comfort and peace that nothing else can.

unfortunately, my family and i didn't get to spend any time together, because both my grandmothers in romania got seriously ill. so my mother flew over there a week ago to take care of her mother, and my dad is going as well to take care of his mom. my grandmothers are both in their 90's, and up to this point have been totally independent, living on their own and doing everything for themselves. but now, one had a stroke and the other one had surgery, so they're probably both going to need a lot of care for some time. this is difficult, because they have no close family over there, and they'll have to rely on hired help, which in romania is questionable, with all the corruption and people's lack of values, in general.

although it's really hard for us (my sister and parents) to think of our grandmothers in this situation, ultimately we have to make peace with the fact that they're old and they're going to die soon. it's just the natural order of things. I think that if they had a full life, are not suffering greatly, and are going in a dignified way, knowing that they're loved and in the presence of some of those they love, then the thing to do is acknowledge that this is how things go and celebrate their lives. i once read that the most meaningful thing you can do for someone who's dying is to let them know that a part of you is going with them. that they're not alone. if i were dying, i know that this is what i'd want: to know that i'm not alone, and to have someone I love holding my hand.

i started receiving "The Sun", a magazine i really like and have quoted from before. i like it because it's so unpretentious and it does not offer any solutions to anything. the writers just put their stuff out there, honestly and simply, and this way, i think, they resonate with a lot of people. this passage, in which the editor Sy Safransky presents his view, captures the spirit of the magazine, and I really like it:

"A conversation is interesting to me when people are being genuine, when they're more concerned with sharing difficult truths than with showing off. What's the use of striking a pose? We're all in the same boat - mysterious flesh-and-blood creatures, radiant and broken - and of course the boat is sinking, but there's still time to share a story or two as the night comes on."

oh yeah, and before i end, i also want to share that not too long ago, i found…. the meaning of my life. (How do you say this without sounding ridiculos?) maybe I should add that it's not like i didn't know it before; it's been with me for a long time, of course, but now i have words for it. it occured to me that what i'm doing with my life, and what i want to be doing, is to take everything that happens to me, everything i come accross, and transform it into love and joy. i can't see anything i'd rather do, anything more worthwhile.

So how do i take Saddam Hussein, his death and the deaths he caused others, for example, and transform that into love and joy? or, closer to home, how do i take all these little boys in grown men’s bodies, throwing around their power and their ignorance, all these lonely loveless boys that run this country, and transform that into love and joy? And so on….
don’t know yet, but I’ll start with understanding. I’ll let you know what else comes up.

Peace and a Happy New Year