little tree

mon jan 8th 2007

maybe it's become apparent from my recent postings that i am not complaining about difficulties with the kids as much as i used to. that's because things are getting easier. slowly but steadily, they are. now i have time to cook breakfast in the morning (and eat it too). sometimes i can even read a page of a book while they're playing (i can read quite a bit when they happen to nap at the same time). i can also talk on the phone more, and the other day i cooked an entire meal, from start to finish, chopping veges, sauteing, cleaning dishes, etc. this morning i sat on the couch and made a drawing, just after we woke up, as sena and aiyana kept themselves busy with their own art project.
so this is all really nice. i can't believe how different things are from a year ago. we still have craziness, of course, several bouts a day, but it's getting more and more manageable. sena and aiyana play together more and more, and it's really nice to watch their interaction (except for when they're fighting over one thing or another, which is quite often, but that's coming along too).
one thing that did not really improve is my relationsip with ed, in the sense that we still barely get any time together. some weeks we get none at all, and our relationship is suffering because of that. i think that this is particularly difficult on him, because we have a different relationship with the kids, and whereas i will usually derive fulfilment from my interaction with them, for him it's not that simple, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. he needs other things to give meaning to his life. i do hope that with time this aspect will get easier, or better, or whatever, cuz' it's not fun feeling that i'm watching our relationship fade and can't do much about it....

i read a beautiful little book recently. it's called "the education of little tree", and it's written by forrest carter. it's a famous book, but i never heard of it till a month ago. it's the story of a little Cherokee boy, growing up in the mountains with his grandparents. it's about their lives and their relationship with Nature and people. i loved it and out of all the books i've read recently, i recommend this one the most. it touched me by its simplicity and authenticity, and i hope its suddle beauty stays with me forever.

here are a couple of passages from it:

"Granma said very few was picked to have the total love of the trees, the birds, the waters - the rain and the wind. She said as long as I lived I could always come home to them, where other children would find their parents gone and would feel lonesome; but I wouldn't ever be."

"The last butterfly flew up the hollow. He rested on a cornstalk...He didn't flex his wings, just set, and waited. He had no purpose in storing food. He was going to die and he knew it. Granpa said he was wiser than a lot of people. He didn't fret about it. He knew he had served his purpose, and now his purpose was to die. So he waited there in the last warm of the sun."

peace