Understanding: change your reference frame

Peace 

"In rage, deaf as the sea, hasty as fire"

Yes, I am still on my Shakespeare binge. So far, since starting here at EO Smith Highschool, and having access to their lovely library, I've read: Hamlet; King Lear; Macbeth; Julius Cesar; Othello; some of the sonnets; and now, I'm reading Richard II.

Today, I want to write a bit about a quote which means a lot to me:
"In rage, deaf as the sea, hasty as fire" (II, i, 19).

These are the words with which, at the beginning of the Richard II, the king describes the flaring conflict between Bolingbroke and Mowbray, who stand before him asking for permission to fight. These men are enraged at each other; each is ready to prove that he's right and the other wrong, at the cost of his own (and the other's) life. And, as Richard notices, so great is their rage, that it makes them deaf and unable to see anything other than it.

I've been thinking about rage lately.

Most of my life, when faced with someone in rage, my first instinct was to run away or submit; literally, when someone would lose their calm and yell or become verbally aggressive, my mind would become weak and hazy, I would lose my power of reason, and try to end the conflict as quickly as possible, usually by agreeing with whatever they wanted. This, at the time, felt like a matter of self preservation. Growing up in a totalitarian regime where submission to power was expected, at great risk to yourself otherwise, it makes sense to me that I reacted this way to overt displays of power. And there were other influences, but rather than focusing on the factors that engendered and cemented this reaction, I want to focus on what allowed to dissolve (and it is still dissolving!).

Over the years, as I matured and faced this type of situation many times, as well as its consequences, I've learnt to deal with rage and other kinds of toxic energy, and in so doing, now feel more empowered to stand where I am and be who I am even when faced with yelling, or other forms that uncontrolled rage can take. How did this happen?

Basically, it happened as a result on my mothering Sena and Aiyana. After years of guiding them through their own conflict resolution, I realized that I needed to think of myself as another child I'm mothering: specifically, when faced with confrontations, neither making excuses to let myself off the hook, nor punishing myself unfairly by ignoring my legitimate needs and concerns.

So, simply taking responsibility for who I am, admitting my mistakes and shortcomings, and owning where I stand, without placing undue pressure either on myself or the other person - all of this helped a lot.

I know that I am not alone in having felt helpless and afraid when dealing with someone in rage or other forms of overwhelming energy. And I'm not alone in having experienced the shame that comes from cowering down before it. And, I'm also not alone in experiencing the clarity and fearlessness that comes when realizing that it is possible to stand with dignity and simplicity even when faced with someone that cannot see beyond their rage.

To bring it full circle, here is another quote from Richard II:
"...I thank thee, King...
For thy great bounty, that not only giv'st
Me cause to wail, but teachest me the way
How to lament the cause" (IV, i, 299-302)

What this means to me, is that those who put us in some of the most uncomfortable positions, who "give us cause to wail", can also be our teachers in "the way / How to lament the cause". They inadvertently teach us how to deal with difficulty.

I am not talking about physically abusive situations here, nor am I implying that we should tolerate any kind of abuse. I'm simply noting that I've had a few teachers in my life, who, though they didn't realize it, and I didn't realize it at the time, taught me how to stand up for myself, and how to deal with unpleasant situations. In this sense, I am grateful. And I do actually believe that when we are at peace, it will come naturally that we will want to give thanks to, or at least feel compassion towards, even those that presented us with some of the most unpleasant situations in our lives.

(Picture was at Atticus Bookstore cafe in New Haven. I loved this place back in 2000 when I lived by the shore, and I got to hang out there last night while Sena was attending an environmental meeting nearby).

Peace

Possibility becoming certainty

I'm fascinated by the concept of a "field" as used in physics, and by the idea that the fundamental nature of things is probability collapsing into manifestation under specific conditions. I don't fully understand these concepts, but I do find myself irresistibly drawn to what I perceive of them, and I also find it fascinating to view our human experience through this lens.  There's something ineffable and very concrete at the same time about these manifestations, which to me is very relatable.

Peace 

Barnyard

Just uploaded a 2 min. video I took in the barnyard this morning after I finished milking the cows. Check it our here:
https://youtu.be/zBxIx7jnmLg

Quantum entanglement

Happy Valentine's Day!

48

"I am not what I am".

So says Shakespeare's Iago, referring to his conscious and deceitful plot to manipulate Othello; but here, I am purposely taking this quote out of context and applying it in a different way, that resonates with my life at this moment.

In saying these words, Iago affirms that he is knowingly portraying himself to be someone he's not. Yet, for me, the questions remains: though he knows what he is not, does he know what he truly is? Do any of us?

If I am lucky, maybe I am now at the midway point of my life; by now, you'd think I'd have some answers, but in fact, this question "Who am I?", remains mostly unanswered; more importantly, I found that the need to answer it in a definitive way has started to fade, leaving space for something lighter and, honestly, more fun.

Like Iago, I know who I am not; I know who I've pretended to be (though for more benign reasons than Iago), but could not, or did not want to, pull off. Yet as to who I am, all I know is that I will possibly never fully know; more importantly, I know that not knowing is not a problem, and that much more important than knowing is being able to hold the questions: Who am I? Who are we? What is this?

In Nietzsche's famous "Become who you are", I now think that the emphasis is much more on "become" and less on "who". "Become" is a verb; it is active and contingent. It is alive. In contrast, "who" is often seen as a static entity, once defined, forever defined. After trying to pin down my own "who" for many years, I now welcome the idea that the "who" must also be contingent, constantly changing.

Also, more significantly, the who itself  is much less important that the process of figuring out the "who". This process is at the heart of knowing not just ourselves, but everything that is intimately connected with ourselves, which, in the end is everything. And herein lies the importance of the who: not in itself, but in what we must go through to find it, and in what that experiences brings us.

I love these quotes and I chose to share them here on my birthday because they give me a sense of openness and possibility that helps counter the dullness, apathy and despondency that tend to set in when I think I know.

Peace and thank you so much for the opportunity to share another year of "my world".

Classic photobomb

I love cows!!!!

Peace 

In the shadows

To redeem:

1. To compensate for the faults or bad aspects of something;
2. (Finance) To repay a stock or bond, etc. at the maturity date.

In the shadows of our lives: during difficult times, as we face problems, challenges, darkness.
Our love shall be redeemed: The true value of our love (the love we give and receive) will be revealed.

The love we give and receive is seen fully against the backdrop of darkness in our lives.

Peace

That's all

"To make art out of heartache is, of course, the most beautiful thing one could do with one’s sorrow, as well as the most generous — no artist knows how the transfiguration of their pain into beauty will salve another heart, give another sorrower the language of their own truth, the vessel for navigating their own experience."

-Maria Popova, https://www.brainpickings.org/2020/01/31/the-heartbreak-of-hans-christian-andersen/?mc_cid=8f54bc6cad&mc_eid=0dd27feeae

My mom in Morocco

She's having a great time on an extensive tour including Casablanca, Marakkesh, Fez, and Chefchaouen. I am so happy for her! Here are pictures from her Bedouin "tent" in the desert. 

Peace 

That it is possible

I’ve been (obsessively) reading Shakespeare’s tragedies recently, and I realized that one thing I love about Shakespeare is his ability to portray his heroes as deeply flawed and performing the foulest deeds, yet, at the same time, in such a way that as I follow their story, I find myself seeing past their misdeeds and loving, or at the very least, understanding them.

Hamlet’s indecisiveness; Lear’s foolishness and arrogance; Macbeth’s greediness and lust for power; these are major downfalls for these characters, with serious consequences for them and those around them. Yet, as we follow their stories, we come to understand why they are the way they are; we come to see their inner demons, as well as their inner goodness, and we come to understand how both driving forces combine, and how they often result in tragic consequences.

In Lear’s case, for example, his love for his youngest daughter, is a major driving force during the play; yet, in his misguidedness, Lear expresses this love in such a way that it destroys him, his daughter, and others around them. Hamlet is driven by the noble impulse of obtaining justice for his father’s murder and exposing his uncle’s crime, yet in his indecision and inability to translate thought into action, he precipitates tragic events around him. Macbeth behaves nobly at the beginning of the play, but when it is prophesied that he will be king, he recognizes the seeds of greed and lust for power growing in his heart, yet he is unable to do anything to overcome these impulses, and becomes a raging tyrant and murderer.

And yet, despite horrendous acts throughout these plays, we are struck with the realization of their characters humaneness. We root for them, knowing that they can do better, seeing the possibility of redemption and the seeds of goodness in their heart, even as we condemn their vile, misguided actions.

This realization is something that we can translate to our daily lives right now. Though for most of us our everyday lives are (thankfully) less dramatic and violent than Shakespeare's plays, the fact remains that we judge ourselves and those around us based on limited aspects of our personalities, and the manifestations of those aspects. We judge and categorize each other based on our misguided deeds, and on perceived, though real, character flaws. In contrast to this, Shakespeare reminds us that to understand a person in their totality, to recognize their positive driving forces, as well as and their misguided deeds, is to come to love them. And, I would add, that to understand and forgive each other this way, lays the ground for positive transformation to occur.

Shakespeare does not tell us that everything will work out fine in the end. Because, clearly, it doesn’t. What Shakespeare does help us realize though, is that everyone is worthy of understanding and forgiveness, that we are all indeed lovable, and that at any moment, redemption is possible.

Peace

...no more

"Seek to know no more". (Macbeth 4.1.118)

I am purposely taking this great quote out of context and applying it in a way that moves me at this point in my life.

Seeking to know more is human; it's fun and it can encourage growth and development. But as with everything, there is a limit, and there are times when being with a situation as is, is wiser than seeking to know more. 

Knowing, seeking, questioning must be balanced by being, otherwise we risk not being fully present in our lives.

I find this particularly applicable to when we're faced with difficult life circumstances. Our first impulse is to seek to know why things are happening to us. We want someone or something to blame, even if it's just ourselves. This approach may yield insight and understanding, and maybe some ways to prevent future distress. Yet, pushed past a certain point, it becomes self defeating.

After a amount of questioning, it's no longer helpful to keep asking why. Rather, it is more beneficial to be with whatever is happening, to feel it and own it, and have faith and patience, trusting that a way forward will reveal itself from there.

To " make good of bad, and friends of foes”

“God’s benison go with you, and with those

That would make good of bad, and friends of foes.”

(Macbeth 2.4.40-41)

So says the Old Man in Macbeth, thus encapsulating what I believe is our main purpose in life. When we lose our way and wonder why we’re here, I think these lines provide a very accessible answer: to “make good of bad, and friends of foes”.

No matter who we are, or where we are; no matter how old or young we are; regardless of our life circumstances; one thing we may be sure of is that life will present us with problems in many forms. These problems are our challenge, and they're never fun or to be wished for. Yet, they alone present our greatest opportunity, and provide the raw material for growth and transformation.

Figuring out how to work with difficulties in such a way as to “make good of bad, and friends of foes”, lays the foundation for transforming ourselves and the world around us. This is a lifetime of work, yet to me, there's nothing more powerful or meaningful than this.

So, if you’re finding yourself in a particularly difficult spot in your life right now, take heart and know that you’re not alone, and may the old man’s blessing follow you on the path ahead.

(This picture is from Shakespeare Garden in Central Park, which I visited last week. It's a beautiful spot and I do hope to return when the flowers are blooming).

Peace

Happy Birthday to my mom!

I put together this little collage for her, with things she likes around the farm. I hope that it will warm her and make her smile.

https://youtu.be/qaf-Wu_bH04

Peace

Power

In this quote from King Lear, Shakespeare makes us distinguish between two kinds of power: the kind of power which stands in its own right, through its own virtue; versus that which can only stand because it is borne, or allowed to continue by those who are made to suffer by it.

I see this quote as being applicable in a wide range of contexts, from socio-cultural, to political and economic; but here, I want to bring it down to the personal level. 

I am lucky enough to know a few people who I would call truly powerful in the positive sense of the word. What makes them so is their humility and personal integrity, their lived experience, their love, empathy and compassion, and their ability to stay open and sensitive despite difficulties. 

On the other hand, I've also been in situations, and have seen others close to me in situations where they felt oppressed by someone who held power over them; the kind of power that draws its strength not from the person who wields it, but from the victims who allow it to continue to manifest.

People in the first category of power enable and empower others to become their best; while people in the second are enabled by others, mainly those they oppress.

I love how Shakespeare brings these distinctions into focus, allowing us to look at relationships with more awareness and understanding. Of course, most relationships don't fit neatly into one category or the other, but combine elements of both. Still, I find it useful to think about things in this light, and I hope you do too. 

I will leave you with this one question I have been asking myself since reading Shakespeare's lines: what kind of power dynamics am I a part of (at different levels), and which do I want to continue to enable?

Peace

NYC: pics from Friday

NY Public Library

Bow Bridge, Central Park



Sena, after she was done with the photo shoot at Marie Claire. She will be featured in the April issue.

Peace 

Shakespeare garden, Central Park

Whatever life presents us with, may we retain our capacity to be astonished and moved by the beauty around us. Whatever else we may suffer, if we can do this, our hearts will remain whole. 

More about our day trip to NYC to come.

And, I did very well on my Physics test. Thank you for rooting for me!

Peace 

Praxis II and Marie Claire!

The next couple of days will be stressful but exciting! Tomorrow is my Praxis II physics test, which, if I pass, will be one major step to allow me to get certified to become a physics teacher. I've been reviewing my stuff, and I'm feeling pretty good about it, but the stressful part is the timing. There are 125 questions and 1.2 minutes per question. Two and a half hour for the whole test, so you have to go fast. My approach to math and physics has never been to memorize. I like to understand and derive my equations from first principles, but in this test, there's no time for that; you have to slam down the equations fast, one after the other, and not think too much, otherwise you won't finish. So I've been memorizing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. Tomorrow, I'm going to work as usual, and then hopefully take a 30 min nap or meditate to clear my mind, and then the test is at 5pm.

Then, on Friday, Sena and I are going to NYC. She has been contacted by the fashion magazine Marie Claire and invited down for a photo shoot! They are doing a story on young women activists, and Sena is one of three (I think) young women they are profiling. She is super excited, and I am super excited! They will be providing outfits, shoes, and probably stylists, and that's about all we know, but it sounds like a lot of fun. While she's at the photo shoot, which will be about 5 hours, I plan to go walk in central Park and maybe check out some cafes / bookstores in the area. It will be a nice reward after the stress associated with the exam.

So that's what's going on. Now, I'm going back to my equations.
Peace

Philippe de Champaigne - A great reminder: Our time is short

In this painting by Philippe de Champaigne, our life is represented by the tulip, and its fleeting nature by the hourglass. Death is central to the image. Though in our culture, speaking about death is taboo, death has always been the great reminder, giving us a way to put things in perspective.

What comes to my mind when I look at this paining is fragility, transience, beauty; also, the lack of significance, in an absolute sense, of any and everything, and yet, in a relative sense, the incredible importance of each and every ordinary moment of our lives.

This painting motivates me to get over whatever holds me back, do my best to appreciate life as is, and contribute what I can towards creating goodness and beauty in the world.

I hope you enjoy it.

Peace

Farmy videos from December

I've been busy studying for my upcoming Physics teacher certification exam, so I haven't had much time for posting, but I do want to share a couple of short videos, about 1 min each, from this past December, featuring some of our animals. I hope you enjoy them.

The cows and horse:
https://youtu.be/cD_gGYgGWfM
The ducklings, and a chicken:
https://youtu.be/bUlZXvFZfVc

Peace