Moonlight
The ocean
Kinship
The poets
Music
Love
As if that weren't enough -
The earth will take us back one day
Close to her body
There is nothing to fear
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Monday, January 22, 2018
We can laugh
Will you stand beside me
On the brink of this abyss
Of fear and hope
Knowing that you can't save me
And I cannot save you?
Will you stand beside me
Where we can see the depths
And we cannot pretend?
I know that we can laugh,
right there at the edge
in spite of the abyss.
right there at the edge
in spite of the abyss.
The words are mine, the picture is Cherese's, and it's called Free fall.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
So easily
You can still shatter me
so easily
A glance, a certain tone, a question
Is all it takes
To make me feel I'm wrong in being me
It takes some days of breathlessness
To find the place again
Where I am home
The poem is mine, the painting is Cherese's (I took this picture of it at her amazing art show).
Saturday, January 20, 2018
In remembrance of Dolores O'Riordan
I'm wearing my Doc Martens today in remembrance of Dolores O'Riordan, lead singer of The Cranberries, who died earlier this week. Rest in peace Dolores, and may your family find peace. Why are we losing all these young talented people? It's heart breaking.
"Hold on to love" is a quote from When you're gone.
Peace
I got my Doc Martens in 1995 and wore them a lot, so they're pretty beaten up. Now I only put them on for special occasions.
"Hold on to love" is a quote from When you're gone.
Peace
Friday, January 19, 2018
RIP Cherese
We lost an incredibly beautiful and powerful woman this week, who I was lucky enough to know for a few years. Even in her struggle with cancer, she gave of herself. Last weekend, before she passed away, there was an exhibit, an art show or her life's work - paintings, drawings, journal writings and other personal, beautiful things. I went to see it and felt very moved and honored to be in the presence of this material that was so real and so raw. I know that her work and her life, and especially the way she shared it all even when she was not at her best, has touched me and will stay with me forever.
I will go back to see the exhibit again, because there was too much there to simply take in in one go. But for now, I have some notes in my journal that I took when I was there last weekend, and I want to share them with you. They're just bits and pieces which I copied from her various writings, some of them written while she was undergoing chemo in the hospital.
So many of us are missing you and grieving for you, Cherese. You gave so much. You gave of yourself. What else is there? Thank you and rest in peace.
I will go back to see the exhibit again, because there was too much there to simply take in in one go. But for now, I have some notes in my journal that I took when I was there last weekend, and I want to share them with you. They're just bits and pieces which I copied from her various writings, some of them written while she was undergoing chemo in the hospital.
From Cherese's writings:
Who will you give the rest of your life to?
You don't even know me
I don't define you that way
My life has been ruled by fear
It's time for the fear to die
I want to live
I'm tired of walking in fear
I cannot carry this any longer. I am enough.
Fuck you.
Know me
See me
So very afraid
Alone inside of alone
Empty nothingness
Why not live on the yellow brick road?
So many of us are missing you and grieving for you, Cherese. You gave so much. You gave of yourself. What else is there? Thank you and rest in peace.
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Tarakanova
Princess Tarakanova, imprisoned in the Peter and Paul Fortress at the time of the flood, by Konstantin Flavitsky. So amazing!
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Let's show them that we care too
Would you please watch this video put together by CSI Youth Group, (less than 2 minutes long), and help them save the MMPA?
If you're inspired to share it with others, you can do that from CSI Youth Group Facebook Page.
Thank you!
Peace
If you're inspired to share it with others, you can do that from CSI Youth Group Facebook Page.
Thank you!
Peace
Monday, January 15, 2018
Destroyed but not defeated
"A man can be destroyed, but not defeated", said Hemingway-
I'm not afraid.
My weakness and my strength-
I won't resist.
I stray outside the bounds
you've set up to control me
I give and I keep giving
of what I am,
till I am nothing.
That is how I am strong
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Real fleece
Don't feel like knitting yourself a sweater? You can always wear the whole sheepskin.
Peace
Peace
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Message from a dream
I had one of my recurring dreams last night: in the distance, I saw a guy with a huge gun, more like a mini-tank. I was petrified, and felt he was going to start shooting any time. I started running away in panic, and told other people to run. But as it happens in dreams, my running was way too slow, and I felt like I was moving through molasses. I was further weighed and slowed down by the overwhelming fear of the guy and his gun. Eventually, the guy caught up with me, and usually this is where my recurring dream ends, and I wake up terrified. But this time, he passed by me, barely acknowledged me, and kept going. It turned out he wasn't interested in me at all, and my fear had been misplaced.
I woke up and when I remembered this dream, first I felt like laughing, then I felt a weight lifting off. I really needed this message- that sometimes our fears, which seem so real and powerful, are simply not grounded. Sometimes they are, but not every time, and it helps to remember that we don't know, even though in those fearful scenarios we build inside our heads, we feel like we do know how everything will go down.
I've always had plenty of fears about plenty of things, but I am grateful for the truth that this dream revealed, and how it allowed me to laugh about fear, and let go a little bit.
Peace
I woke up and when I remembered this dream, first I felt like laughing, then I felt a weight lifting off. I really needed this message- that sometimes our fears, which seem so real and powerful, are simply not grounded. Sometimes they are, but not every time, and it helps to remember that we don't know, even though in those fearful scenarios we build inside our heads, we feel like we do know how everything will go down.
I've always had plenty of fears about plenty of things, but I am grateful for the truth that this dream revealed, and how it allowed me to laugh about fear, and let go a little bit.
Peace
Friday, January 12, 2018
Thank you NYC!
As the Trump administration plans to open up ocean coasts to massive gas and oil exploration, without regard for long term consequences to the already imperiled ocean ecosystem, and ultimately ourselves, NYC divests 5 Billion dollars of city pension funds from fossil fuels. Thank you New York and well done! Here's more from The New York Times.
And this is a link from NRDC where you as a citizen can add your voice to Stop The Trump Administration’s Offshore Drilling Assault
Please sign it if you can, and thank you!
Peace
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Classic Romanian Painter
Nicolae Grigorescu, probably the most famous of the classic Romanian painters
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Monday, January 08, 2018
Leopold Guterbock
Not as young or fair-skinned and my broom is a different style, but other than that, it could be me.
Peace
Peace
Sunday, January 07, 2018
Beautiful life advice from someone who saw clearly
I came across this on FB, and although I'm not a big fan of FB, this, I thought, was worth sharing. It's from a 27-yr-old woman, treminally ill, who recently passed away, and before she did shared her clarity in this love-filled message.
A bit of life advice from Hol:
It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.
That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.
I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.
I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.
I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!
Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.
Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.
You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.
Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.
I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.
I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.
Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.
Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.
Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.
Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.
It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.
Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.
Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.
This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.
Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.
Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.
Get amongst nature.
Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.
Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females
🤔.
Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.
Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.
Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.
Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?
Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.
Eat the cake. Zero guilt.
Say no to things you really don’t want to do.
Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.
Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.
Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.
Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!
Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.
Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.
..’Til we meet again.
Hol
Xoxo
A bit of life advice from Hol:
It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.
That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.
I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.
I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.
I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!
Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.
Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.
You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.
Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.
I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.
I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.
Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.
Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.
Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.
Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.
It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.
Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.
Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.
This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.
Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.
Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.
Get amongst nature.
Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.
Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females
🤔.Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.
Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.
Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.
Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?
Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.
Eat the cake. Zero guilt.
Say no to things you really don’t want to do.
Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.
Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.
Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.
Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!
Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.
Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.
..’Til we meet again.
Hol
Xoxo
Saturday, January 06, 2018
Way to go Montreal!
Great news out of Canada: Montreal started the new year by banning single use carry out plastic bags. Why is this important? Plastic bags pollute land and water, do not biodegrade, and they kill many land and marine animals as they get wrapped around or swallowed by them.
Throw it away? There is no away! Thank you Montreal!
Throw it away? There is no away! Thank you Montreal!
Friday, January 05, 2018
Snow storm makes for cozy time indoors
Fire, a good book, and a warm drink are so inviting, when you come in from the cold...
I read great reviews about this new translation of Anna Karenina, and my parents got it for me for Christmas, along with some other great books, and some yarn for knitting.
Peace
Thursday, January 04, 2018
Blizzard
It's crazy and beautiful out there.
Here are the cows this morning. They can go inside the barns any time they want to, but this cold doesn't bother them. They're very hardy, and prefer to be outdoors. The time of the year when they're most unhappy is fly season, especially around July and August.
The barn area looks so pretty
Had to get out the sleigh to carry my milking equipment.
Enjoy this beautiful snowy day!
Tuesday, January 02, 2018
Kafka and Monsted
A couple of days ago, Aiyana was looking at a picture of me when I was about 6 or 7, and she said, "Mama, your eyes are the same". Which almost made me cry, because my eyes don't feel the same to me, from inside where I am. I feel so little connection to that person, after all that happened in the meantime, and I'd like to feel more.
As adults, we must find ways to see again with our original eyes; eyes that may be wiser, but no less enchanted or trusting or eager; we must acknowledge yet see past the things we have been taught, past the hurts we have suffered, past everything that clouds our vision, our sensibilities, and our connection to the earth and each other.
Peder Mork Monsted
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