What I'm afraid of

I've been exploring the theme of fear a lot recently. I am conflicted about sharing this very personal stuff in such an impersonal, exposed medium, but I decided to do it anyway, in hope that it may help someone who may be dealing with some of the same fears, or any fears really, to know we're not alone.

What I'm afraid of:

Being seen for who I really am

Not being seen for who I really am

Asking for what I need

Expressing how I feel

Intimacy
Conflict

Saying no

Disappointing you

The hand raised up against me

The yelling

That look upon your face

The feeling when the stomach's twisting

and all is vertigo

Not knowing the difference between what I can and cannot change

Making the wrong decision

Missing the last chance

That I will yell for help,

like in those dreams,

and nothing will come out

and you won't hear me

Not having enough
Having too much

Emptiness

Hurting you

Wasting your time

Wasting my time

Pretense

That fear is stronger than love
That I can't trust myself

Betraying you

Betraying myself

Falling into the void inside myself

I have been dealing with these fears and others most of my life. They come and go in cycles; at times they get resolved, and I get to a different level, and then a situation will trigger them to come back and I realize they're still there, just in a different circumstance, a different level. I'm starting to accept that living and dealing with fear is a lifelong process. I'm trying to view fear like a fickle friend, here to tell me something, to warn me sometimes, and other times just a straight out liar. Telling the difference is the challenge.
Peace