living what i wished for?

a few months ago, i wrote in my blog about what my ideal day looked like.
despite the fact that this has happened to me several times in the past, i still find myself surprised to be living what i wished for.

since we came back from our trip to romania, the kids have been amazing. things suddenly feel so much easier (i guess it's all relative though. before kids i would've thought that my life right now is nuts, but now that i know how crazy it can get, i'm thinking this is pretty good...).

i think a bunch of things have converged to make things easier:
sena and aiyana have learned to play toghether for hours at a time, which is really nice bc it frees me up to do stuff like cooking, laundry, or just going to the bathroom by myself (i still don't close the door though, that seems to be an instant cue for them to come in....and if you know our bathroom, you know that to fit 3 people in there, they'd have to sit practically on my lap);

another nice thing that happened lately is that aiyana has become quite skilled at expressing herself verbally, which cuts down on the frustration she experiences being misunderstood, and hence on her whining. i don't do well with whining (kids or adults), so this has been a most welcome development for me.

also, we've all been sleeping well lately. i now wake up before the kids almost every day, and i just lie there between them, relaxing, and enjoying the silence. when we finally get out of bed, they're usually in a good mood, and happy enough to go play on their own while i cook breakfast. so we get to eat a nice breakfast every day, and i make myself a good coffee (i love the coffee making ritual- grinding the beans, boiling the water, watching the cream and coffee swirl together, i swear it's a meditation in its own right); then, i'm ready to take on the day. by this time, i usually feel full of energy, ready to have some fun, and this resonates with the kids, so we all end up having a good time.

i've also been reading some books that helped a lot. you know the stuff i'm into, yoga, spirituality, etc. well, i've read a lot on that over the years, and it's been great in that it helped me become aware of new aspects of myself and the world around me. but most of the time, i forget most of what i read, and i'm just left with a vague sense of something....

i think what i've been looking for, especially since i had kids, is some kind of a practice, something i can incorporate in my daily life as opposed to just interesting thoughts and ideas. these are great too, they inspire me, and i appreciate them, but i want something practical, something i can work with within my current context. a formal yoga practice, for instance, does not work for me, it just does not fit with the kids. neither does sitting meditation, i rarely have that kind of undisturbed time to myself.

but over time, i've come to see my kids as some kind of teachers, and my life with them as a spiritual discipline (they don't hit me with a stick like a zen master might, they just push me to my absolute limit in the way that only the people closest to us can do) .

recently, i also came accross two books that fit nicely in my life: "loving what is" by Byron katie, and "the wisdom of no escape" by Pema Chodron. the first book is helpful bc it gives 4 basic questions i can ask myself whenever something feels wrong, like when i'm angry, depressed, etc. i like this approach bc it does not give fixed answers or a way to be, but leaves it up to me to feel what's right.

the other book, by Pema Chodron, i like a lot bc it's simple, down to earth and funny, and yet very powerful. i like Pema Chodron's style, and i know she comes from a place of joy and sorrow at the same time. i also find her way is one i can practice in my everyday life, wherever i am and whatever i'm doing: that is - bringing my focus back to the moment by paying attention to my outbreath, and labeling my thoughts "thinking". sounds really simple, and of course it's not, but if you feel attracted to it, i'd recommend reading her book to get more insight into the whole thing.

so all of these things i've been trying to describe above have combined in such a way letely, as to make life nice and smooth for me most of the time.

the other day, someone asked ed how i was and he said "she's walking on water"; the person was a little taken aback, maybe not knowing what he meant; but i know, and i think that it sums it all up pretty well for now.

peace