random stuff

just some random stuff i wrote over the past 2 weeks or so...

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in the woods,
stones lay unmoved
huge rocks, and ledges
reflect the sunlight
they're simply there,
reassuring in their presence

the trees are bare
gray-brown, twisted branches
holding abandoned nests of
the past summer

the birds are gone
except for crows and turkey vultures
maybe a handful of others

the air is clean and sharp
cold, crisp, easy to breathe

the woods are silent

it is late fall and
everything's withdrawing

this silence,
the starkness of it all...

i let myself merge into this emptiness
and find nature at its barest
surprisingly soothing.

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the river speaks to me
but i forgot its language

the wind whispers its secrets
but i'm too rushed to hear

the rocks, unmoved, lay it all out
but i'm not looking

the trees invite me to go closer,
but for some reason,
i don't

some days, i look for what i need
in all the wrong places
i look through books and such
while the real thing is obviously here,
simple, understated, eternal

maybe,
i'm just afraid of what might happen
when there's nothing left to look for

--------------------

i'm afraid that
if i bid by heart's calling
(if i merge with the river,
or listen to the wind
for instance)
i will be too alone
unable to relate,
too happy among unhappy people

so i go on,
pretending to be searching
for meaning and for joy,
the things we all dream of
while i know all enough
the Treasure Box is empty.

the treasures have been given
for all to share and enjoy
a long, long time ago

yet, i persist in searching,
pretending not to know.

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wed nov 22nd

for a while now, i've been feeling something that's hard to describe. maybe longing, or nostalgia. a drawing in, and at the same time, a need to reach out.
the knowledge of something i can't fully articulate, but something that makes me very happy nevertheless.

something that's reflected, for example, in the story of singing whales, which i've been reading to sena over and over again. this story brings me so much joy. imagining whales way out there in the ocean, living and communicating in ways that are so far beyond human understanding - knowing that we are related to them in some distant way - this is so mysterious and so beautiful, and it makes me so happy.
or the story of a little island, which as the fishes know, is not an island at all, not isolated as we seem to think, but rather part of everything else in ways that are just not obvious to us humans.

i feel my own connection with everything growing stronger, even as i'm drawing in more and more. it makes me so happy to feel this way, but sad that i can't find ways to share it with others. we are in the holiday season, and lots of people are celebrating. i want to celebrate too. i want to celebrate being a part of everything. i want to give my thanks to the earth, to nature... but i don't feel that i can easily do that in the current format of the holidays.

something is calling to me. or maybe i am calling out to something. i don't know. being in nature, witnessing the understated beauty of it all around me at this time of year, these are the things that bring me happiness and hope at this time. these are the things i'd like to share.

peace