We have ways

We can get lost in life. Life is so topsy turvy. It’s easy to get derailed, distracted; it’s easy to forget who we are and what we hold dear. And when that happens, how do we remember? How do we return to ourselves and that which is true for us? The passage below, out of Homer’s Odyssey gives a hint to a possible answer.

In The Odyssey, when Penelope first finds out that her husband, Odysseus, has returned after 20 years’ absence:

“She sat down opposite him and looked at him in silence. She was bewildered. At one moment she seemed to recognize him, the next, he was a stranger to her…”

When Telemachus (Penelope and Odysseus’ grown son) reproaches her being cruel in how she reacts to Odysseus’ return, she replies:

“My son…I have no strength to move. If this is in truth Odysseus, we have ways of knowing each other.

Sometimes not only do we not recognize each other, as in the case of Penelope and Odysseus, but we don't even recognize ourselves anymore. We forget who we are, who we used to be.

It’s interesting how suffering can affect us. We humans, have a great capacity to adapt to almost any conditions, no matter how difficult; but, though it seems counter intuitive, long term suffering can create a certain “lack of strength” in us and alienate us from ourselves in such a way that even when that which we had most hoped for comes true, we find ourselves unable to act.

In different ways, through life, we all have to adapt to difficulties. Many times, we have to let go of things or people or parts of ourselves that are dear to us. Focusing in particular on the inner realm, we may have to change who we are, minimizing or eliminating certain parts of ourselves in order to better fit into a job, a lifestyle, a relationship. Yet, even though we suffer, when the opportunity arises to reclaim that which we have lost, we remain frozen in disbelief, indecision, bewilderment.

So how do we deal with this predicament? How do we remember who we are? How do we return to what is true for us, and that which we hold dear?

I think one answer is contained in what Penelope suggests to her son, who is becoming impatient with her bewilderment (as we can become impatient towards ourselves when we feel lost):

 “If this is in truth Odysseus, we have ways of knowing each other”.

What she is saying, is that there are ways to remember and recognize that which is true and dear to us; and, as Odysseus significantly reinforces:

“We will find each other presently”.

I take comfort in Penelope’s words “we have ways”, and in Odysseus' confirmation that we will find that which is truly ours.

I found, in my own experience, that there are indeed ways to dispel confusion and find out what is meaningful to us. What are these ways? For me, they are patience, awareness, forgiveness. Mindfulness. Connectedness. They are not easy ways, and they are not quick. But they are powerful and they are beautiful, and with time, they do make a difference.

What ways have you found?

 (Quotes are from Edith Hamilton's Mythology. Image is not mine.)


Peace

You!

I'm grateful for the symphony of YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Peace 

Pictures from 12 years ago

Some things change. Some don't. What's deep in our hearts doesn't change.

I adore this picture of Sena and Aiyana.

Peace 

Another great day in NYC!

The girls and I had another great day trip to NYC yesterday. We went to the NY Botanical Garden Holiday Train Show in the Bronx, which, if you've never been, I highly recommend. It features a lot of iconic NY landmarks, made on a miniature scale, out of all kinds of plant materials, such as seeds, pine cones, bark, twigs, and so on. The artistry is amazing, and the miniature landscape is enchanting.

After the Botanical Garden, we headed to Grand Central Station, and from there, to Bryant Park  to check out the Winter Village. We walked into the many little artisanal shops lining the park, got some hot cider and hot chocolate, watched people skate, and just enjoyed the cheerful atmosphere, and the magic of the night lights around the park against the NY skyline.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to hang out with these beautiful, amazing girls! I savor every moment with them. They allow me to feel young and fun again.

 Peace

Great article about Sena and her work in yesterday's Hartford Courant

Meet Sena Wazer, the 15-year-old climate change activist and UConn freshman determined to protect the planet

https://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-news-sena-wazer-climate-environmental-activist-profile-20191125-dlkq4pyygnckjczu6vmlq6wlzu-story.html

Some thoughts on a powerful and beautiful union

A common theme that's come up in some of the myths I've read recently is the difficult road to attaining wisdom in life, and the many detours and personal sacrifices required as we travel this road.

In Norse myths, for example, the well of knowledge and wisdom is so well guarded, that no one can take even the smallest sip without first making a personal sacrifice. (Why is that? Why is a sacrifice required? Do you find that to be true in your life? Has wisdom come easily to you, or has it required some significant trials?)

In Greek mythology, there is the deadly lure of the Sirens, whose song is so alluring because, besides being beautiful, the Sirens promise that: "They would give knowledge to each man who came to them... ripe with wisdom and a quickening of the spirit" - Edith Hamilton's Mythology. (As an aside, I think it's interesting that the Sirens not only promise knowledge, but wisdom and "a quickening of the spirit". Indeed, I believe that knowledge without these other attributes is hollow and dangerous, liable to be misused. These days, for example, we have seemingly unlimited access to knowledge and information, yet, with wisdom greatly lagging, we often see undesirable results).

So, the myths warn us that wisdom comes at a price. I personally found this to be true: whatever little wisdom I may have, has come from difficult and intimate personal experience.

Kindness, on the other hand, is much more accessible. Kindness is immediate: most of us know what it feels like hear kind words, to have someone genuinely smile at us, to be held, to feel accepted as we are. We can easily recognize what kindness feels like when we receive it, and it takes no special skill or learning to extend the same to others.

To me, the most beautiful thing is when wisdom and kindness come together. They are such powerful mates. Wisdom without kindness is hollow, dried up, dead; and kindness without wisdom can be used in misguided, non-beneficial ways. But together, they can form such a powerful and beautiful union, which, to me, is one of the most worthwhile things to work towards in life.

Peace

Schrodinger's cat

We've been teaching the kids a little bit about atomic theory in class, and Schrodinger's cat came up, so I've been researching it and having a lot of fun with it. Here's a little bit about Schrodinger's cat (as far as I understand) and my own interpretation, or how I relate to it:

Schrodinger's cat was a thought experiment proposed by Erwin Schrodinger in response to the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics, which said that up until the time you observe a particle, the particle is both there and not there. Schrodinger tried to show that this would lead to absurd conclusions, so he devised a though experiment, in which a cat is placed in a closed box with a radioactive substance which, when decaying, would trigger a mechanism which would kill the cat.

“Schrödinger says that according to the Copenhagen Interpretation, as long as the door is closed, the cat is [both] dead and alive. There is no way to know until the door is opened. But by opening the door, the person is interfering with the experiment. The person and the experiment have to be described with reference to each other. By looking at the experiment the person has influenced the experiment.” (emphasis mine) https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat

Well, I find quantum mechanics fascinating, at least the very, very little that I think I understand, and I also take comfort in the famous physicist Richard Feynman’s quote:

“If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics”.

But, although I do not understand Schrodinger’s cat or quantum mechanics, I do understand my own experience with meditation, and have found a certain parallel, which I want to share:

How meditation is like Schrodinger’s cat:

In my experience, I found that as soon as you start to name and define something, you've irrevocably changed it and limited it to a certain state that has as much to do with you as with the thing you're beholding. What you're therefore perceiving is not the thing itself, but a certain aspect or reflection of the thing. The image that thing produces in you may be true in your own reference frame, but it is not the absolute truth about that thing. Beholder and that which is beheld are irrevocably entangled. There is no absoluteness in this sense. Frames of reference change everything!

Meditation practice may allow us to perceive things in a different way from our usual. Sustained meditation practice can give us a different frame of reference, one in which we allow things to be as they are without naming, judging or interfering. Just observing.

I laughed about this all day yesterday!

Peace

One response to my earlier question

One response to my earlier question of "what makes the difference between those ... who have things really tough and respond by shutting down, and those who respond by being kind and open?"

One answer I have:
Maybe just the realization that shutting down only causes more pain to ourselves and those around us.

Peace

Respond by opening

Today I almost started crying in school, when a girl I know from one of the classes I'm in, came around the hallways with a cart, bringing coffee and treats to any teacher who wanted it. It was early in the morning, and on such a cold day, coffee was nice. I felt very grateful and I asked her why she was doing this and whose idea it was. She said it was her idea, and she was doing it to be kind. I said that I want to support this kind of work and offered a donation, but she didn't want money (the coffee had been donated by Starbucks), or anything other than to be kind. She offered coffee to whomever wanted it, along with a little chocolate and a card with a nice message.

What made me almost start crying and still does, is that I know this girl comes from a tough family situation, where she has not been living with her parents for some time. The teacher I work with and I were both talking about this, and he asked a really good question: what makes the difference between those kids who have things really tough and respond by shutting down, and those who respond by being kind and open, like this girl did?

Peace

Pygmalion and Galatea

I recently read the ancient Greek myth of Pygmalion and Galatea, as recounted in Edith Hamilton’s Mythology, and it prompted quite a mixed reaction, which I'd like to share.

In the myth, Pygmalion is a great sculptor, who, despite the fact that he despises women, choses woman as his subject, and the magnum opus of his life becomes Galatea, a sculpture he works on incessantly, and pours himself into so much, that he eventually falls in love with it. The power of his love, as well as divine intervention, eventually makes his statue, Galatea, come to life. She returns Pygmalion’s love; they marry, have a child and live happily ever after.

I see several interpretations for this myth, including: the power of love and devotion; and the awesome power inherent in the relationship of artist and art.  But I also see a more disturbing, yet inescapable interpretation, in which Pygmalion embodies patriarchal paradigm, with its expectations and controls, and its exhortations that we are basically not good enough until we fit a prescribed image, until our “imperfections” are removed  and we are molded into the impossible and dead ideal that is Galatea.

Although in the myth Pygmalion and Galatea are male and female, in my view, Pygmalion represents a way of thinking, an ideology and a system of power associated with the patriarchal paradigm, rather than a specific person or group, and as such, both men and women are diminished under Pygmalion’s chisel.

I wrote this poem because what’s of interest to me at this point in my life is not to bash patriarchy or shift its power structure from one set of actors to another (although I do believe that it’s important to talk about its history and dynamics, especially with our children who are still growing up in it).  I personally reject the model of power through manipulation, intimidation, shaming and control, which is foundational to patriarchy. What I am interested in though, is the question: what are some alternatives to this model , which are respectful, life affirming, and empowering?

Image: Pixabay

Peace 

The things that shape our lives

Some of the things that end up shaping our lives begin before we even know how to name or define them. Something inside us resonates and recognizes that we can trust whatever it is that's calling us, whatever it is that's happening. With trust, patience, and awareness right action arises.

 

Peace 

Fun and not so fun happenings

One fun thing that happened this week was that I was asked to tutor a student in Ecology, in addition to my Chemistry and Physics class work, and as a result, I've been going through quite a bit of material on the subject, and having a lot of fun doing it. I love Ecology. It's a fascinating subject.

The not so great part of this week was that I have some kind of congestion going on in my left ear, and my hearing has been way off. I cannot hear well overall, and I feel like I'm under water; but also, at the same time, some sounds seem way too loud. Because of this, I've been feeling quite weird and disoriented and out of it. It's been hard to participate at school the way I need to, because I cannot hear a lot of what's being said, and I am not sure, when I speak, if I'm being too quiet, or too loud.
The whole thing makes me appreciate just how much we rely on our senses.

I'm trying all kinds of things with my ear, and I feel like it's getting better, but I also know (from my own past experience and my mom's), that it can take a while for it to clear up.

In other news, yesterday was our last delivery of the season, which means that this farming season is officially over. This is earlier than usual, the main reason being because we lost the plastic on our high tunnel int he high winds last week, which left our greens unprotected, as you see below.

I'm sad about losing the plastic, and obviously this created extra work and cost for us; but at the same time, I must admit that I'm relieved the farming season is over. Since August, it's been really intense, for both Ed and I, trying to juggle all the responsibilities of jobs, helping Sena and Aiyana with school, Sena's Yale application, driving them to their activities, the farm, the cows, cooking, etc.

I welcome this colder weather, and look forward to less busy times.


Peace

Sena honored at special event

Sena was one of three honorees last night at Clean Water Action CT's event. She was recognized and honored for her environmental work along with State Representative John Hampton and Hartford Courant reporter Greg Hladky.

Sena is currently organizing the next climate strike on Friday, December 6, at the State Capitol in Hartford CT, 12pm. Please come out and demand immediate climate action from our elected leaders.

More info at: 

https://actionnetwork.org/events/december-6th-ct-climate-strike?referrer=sena-wazer&source=direct_link

and 

https://www.facebook.com/events/2616361815086787/

Peace 

Persephone: look for her out there

"After the lord of the dark world below carried her away, she was never again the gay, young creature who had played in the flowery meadow without a thought of care or trouble.

But all the while Persephone knew how brief beauty was; fruits, flowers, leaves,....must end with the coming of the cold and pass...into the power of death...

She did indeed rise from the dead every spring, but she brought with her the memory of where she had come from; with all her bright beauty there was something strange and awesome about her.

"She was often said to be "the maiden whose name may not be spoken". 

This is from the myth of Demeter and Persephone, quoted from Edith Hamilton's Mythology, and I love this myth for several reasons, but here, I am sharing it for two in particular: one, because it is appropriate for this time of the season, when the living world seems to be dying with the coming of the cold; and two, because in Persephone's terrible journey to the land below, and her return from it, I see a parallel to our lives, our loss of innocence through encountering the rough edges of life, and our potential return.

The myth tells about Demeter, the goddess of the bountiful earth and the harvest. Her beautiful and innocent daughter, Persephone, is raped and abducted by the lord of the underworld, and taken below to be at his side forever. Demeter rages with sorrow, and stops her work. The earth stops providing her fruits, nothing grows, and people are starving and suffering.

Eventually, moved by the plight of the people, other Gods intervene with the lord of the underworld and he agrees to allow Persephone to return to her mother for most of the year; but for part of the year, he tricks her so that she must come back to him. Demeter is somewhat placated by this, and she is also kind, so she allows the earth to be fertile again for most of the year, when Persephone returns, and people can once again grow food and flowers and harvest them to satisfy their needs. But, when Persephone goes down to the underworld, the earth once again becomes cold and barren.

Although Persephone's story comes to us from thousands of years ago, I think it still holds great meaning for us today. Though many different interpretations are possible, and each of us can come up with our own interpretation, here, I want to highlight some of the symbolism that is most significant to me based on my own experience.

Persephone had been a beautiful, innocent young maiden, as we all are when we are young. But:

"After the lord of the dark world below carried her away, she was never again the gay, young creature who had played in the flowery meadow without a thought of care or trouble."

Who is this dark lord? To me, he is none other than life. Life does abduct us, despite our best intentions and best laid plans, and brings us down into its scary, dark caverns. This is inescapable. Still, this is not the end. We can come out of this dark world, and may of us do, just as Persephone did.

"She did indeed rise from the dead every spring, but she brought with her the memory of where she had come from; with all her bright beauty there was something strange and awesome about her."

She came back out, and she was still beautiful, but now, she was also "strange and awesome". Why? Because now she KNEW. She no longer had the innocence of inexperience. She knew not only about the beauty and care free aspects of life, but also the dark, heavy ones. In fact, she was now so awesome and powerful that:

"She was often said to be "the maiden whose name may not be spoken"."

Why could her name not be spoken? Maybe because, as a society, we prefer the young, innocent, trusting person, who can easily be intimidated and manipulated, to the woman or man who knows. As a culture, we don't really want to hear truths about how things are, but would rather hold on to conventional thinking. We don't want to hear what's wrong; we don't want to hear about mental health and the factors driving it, how our culture itself shapes it; we don't want to talk or hear about what really goes on in our closest relationships, with our marriage, our children, our parents; we don't want to talk about the jobs we feel stuck in and how draining they are, and how we slowly numb ourselves to the ideals and aspirations of our youth; we don't want to open up to that level, and when someone else does, we are uncomfortable with it. We call them strange. Plus, as a society, there are powerful interests, poised to make lots of money from our ignorance of the true costs of our lifestyle and ideology: the ideology of power, competition, disposability; and the extractive mentality of getting as much as possible, as quickly as possible, as cheaply as possible, whether it be out of the natural world or out of us, people.

So!

Back to Persephone. To me, Persephone, above all, symbolizes the wise woman, or man. She's been innocent and she's been through some darkness, and she's come out of it, although she knows she will return once in a while. She is still beautiful and she can still see and appreciate beauty, and I would add, maybe in a way that she wasn't able to before.

She is awesome and powerful and strange because she carries with her the knowledge and experience of the darkness, yet she is willing to come back out into the world, and be the cause of that which is beautiful and life sustaining.

Persephone lives all around us. I've seen her in many women and men. Look for her out there.

Peace

Windy Samhain

May these strong winds we've been having bring about the changes we need. May they cleanse us and sweep away all that is no longer necessary, leaving us lighter and with more clarity.

May we all receive what we need and may we give what we can.

Peace 

Fear not the pain

For numbing to pain is also numbing to tenderness and to everything beautiful. This pain is just your love reflected in a different mirror. 

Peace 

Twelve years ago, my Halloween princesses

Now 14 and almost 16 years old....Aiyana taking geometry and killing it. Sena teaching calculus to other students in her class and leading protests. Crazy stuff...

Their expressions kill me. 

Peace 

Fail by succeeding

We can fail ourselves while succeeding in ways we've been taught to unquestionably follow. Yet,  when we become aware of this, we have already begun to turn around. The shift towards authenticity has happened; now failure and success become relative and ever shifting. Failure leads to success and vice versa. Abandoning notions of success and failure for the practice of simply living with integrity may, paradoxically, be the ultimate success.

Peace 

This feedback keeps me going

I am so grateful when someone writes to let me know that my poems reach them in a deep, meaningful way. I never know if what I write, which comes out of my personal experience, will resonate with or reach someone else. But my greatest hope is that it does, so when someone gets back to me, like these people below did recently, it really means a lot to me.

"This book reveals what the beauty of the heart can be through poetry. It is filled with passages that shifted my perspective into an inspiring truth. I frequently pick it up and read a passage just for a momentary pickup. Well done Raluca."- from QC, Canada

"I am rereading your book of poetry...for inspiration and just plain spiritual pleasure....I hope many people treat themselves by purchasing your beautiful works of "spiritual art" as I have done."- from CT, USA

"Good morning, Raluca,
Moved and inspired as I knew I would be, you emerge the quintessential Buddha nature, as defined by the Lotus flower.
I will now go back to dwell with each poem for a while.
I have ten thousand words I want to say, but for now they will rest in the "silence"
- from PA, USA

Peace

A trifle

If we have the courage and presence to be still and see, truly see, the beauty inherent in everything down to the most banal aspect of our lives, we'd surely recognize that even a love as great as Orpheus had for Eurydice pales by comparison to what we're surrounded by and what is possible within ourselves.

Peace