Practice

 If we don't deliberately and consistently make space in our lives for the beauty and joy of simple things, we risk becoming over-run by worry, anxiety, and the general muck that the world heaps upon us. 

We must practice noticing the beauty that is all around us as much as we notice all the problems and ugliness, until it becomes part of us and it can carry us through when things are difficult.

Today there were birds flying in and out a shrub outside my classroom window, and that was enough to warm my heart for the whole day. I hope that you also found a little or maybe a big thing to make you feel happy to be here.

I've been posting mostly on Instagram lately, in the little time that I spend on social media. If you're interested, my Instagram name is @earthspiritiscalling. I don't post anything too personal though, just short poems and pictures.

Peace

Been so busy

With the beginning of school and all...

But things are going well and I really like my new job. And on the weekend, I still find time to enjoy my little garden.

Peace

In Montreal, at last!

Finally, after almost 2 years, we were able to travel and see my parents in Montreal!!!

See you there!

Into the magic of each ordinary day

That's where I'll always meet you

peace

Two little videos from my porch

 Cats, ducks, flowers and a cup of coffee: https://youtu.be/SDxbtQxNzrQ

A little bumblebee friend: https://youtu.be/TxX0XCEKzCc

I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Peace

Classics - Poezii

One day I want to share some of these books with Sena and Aiyana. These are some of the old, classic Romanian poets. They are really amazing. In Romania, we had to memorize their poems for school. These books smell like our house in Bucharest where I grew up. When I smell that smell, it makes me happy and also it makes me want to cry. Such is the life of an immigrant. I know I'm not alone feeling this way :)

Peace

Traitor

I proved a traitor to you when

I loved again.

I proved no traitor to you when

I never loved the same.

peace

Knowing

But when we meet again
I'll say my name
And you won't know me

You'll have to listen to the silence
To know
That we have known each other
All along

peace

Some updates

The summer is almost over and I feel like so much has happened, that it made it fly by even faster than usual. Here are a few updates:

About 2 weeks ago, I had my last procedure related to my gallbladder. It was an endoscopy, in which they gave me anesthesia and removed a stent they had put in my bile duct to keep it open. It was a day procedure, and I did not have to stay in the hospital overnight. Everything went well, and since then, I've been feeling really well. I would even venture to say that I am now feeling better than I have in years. I'm still working on my anemia, which I developed due to blood loss after my first endoscopy back in June, but that is slowly improving as well.

The other piece of big news is that, unexpectedly, I received a job offer from the school where Aiyana goes, EO Smith. I worked with them in 2019-2020, and just recently they had a teacher leave and offered me the position. Even though I was supposed to start working in Hartford at the end of August, I could not refuse the offer from EOS. This school is literally one mile from my house, plus I know the science department and really like everyone I worked with there. Plus it's the school where Aiyana goes, and my niece Julia, so there are a lot of advantages. I will be teaching Physical Science and Geology to start, with other options opening up in future years. I am very excited about this unexpected development and I am so grateful that they wanted me back and that everything went so fast and easy. I do feel bad about Hartford though, especially since I know they are having a really hard time filling the Physics position. I am trying to help the principal find another Physics teacher. If you know of anyone in this area, please let me know.

In other news, we are hoping to finally be able to see my parents in a week or so, now that the Canadian/US border has reopened. We haven't seen them in about 2 years!

I will end here, sending my best to everyone.

peace

Update on my procedure

Help me to walk in such a way
As if each moment
I was entering
Your sacred garden

I am so happy that my final procedure in my gallbladder saga went well at Hartford Hospital this morning!!!

I feel so grateful to all the medical personnel who helped me, and my family and friends and all those who told me they were thinking about me, praying for me, and wished me well.  I felt much less afraid this time because of all of you ❤️

Though I am still a bit weak from the anesthetic, I feel spiritually renewed. Indeed, I know now that each step and each breath we take is precious. Our lives and everyone else's lives are precious. All we need is to recognize it. I am so glad to be in this world with all of you for as long as we have, and I am so grateful to have the opportunity to contribute to making it beautiful in any way I can.

Peace

A little practice I really like

I want to share a little practice I've been doing first thing in the morning and last thing before I fall asleep at night. I find it very helpful and soothing, and I thought maybe you'd find it helpful too.

You could call this practice praying, or you could call it mindfulness meditation, or you can call it whatever you want. Basically, what it is, is focusing my attention, remembering and sending well wishes to many different people.

I think about people in hospitals, who are alone and afraid, and pray for them, for health and help.

I think about children who are sick or hungry or in unsafe situations, and send them well wishes, that they may feel loved and cared for.

I think about all the helpers out there in their many forms: those who take care of the sick; teachers; farmers; healers; cleaners; activists; everyone who does a little part to help the whole. I wish them health and strength.

I think about those in power, those who I agree with and those who I disagree with. I send them prayers and well wishes so that they may see clearly and make good decisions.

I think about the bullies and the aggressive ones, and wish them healing from whatever is hurting them so they may live their lives in a better way.

I think about the plants and animals and fungi and bacteria and our amazing Earth. I send gratitude for all we take to sustain ourselves, and for all the beauty.

I think about other things, and as I do, I feel connected to them and send well wishes.

I originally stared this practice because I couldn't do my regular meditation, since I couldn't sit due to my surgery. Now I continue to do it, even though I can sit again. I find it to be a really good way to focus my mind, and stay present. Of course my mind still strays a lot, but this practice gives me something very concrete to come back to.

The other thing I found is that this meditation makes me feel less afraid, less alone, more connected. It also helps me to remember to take positive action in my daily life. 

I hope you find something useful in it too.

peace

Presence is the antidote to fear

Always, we must be willing to lose ourselves in order to find ourselves
Losing the cage of our self centered thinking,
It's not as easy as it seems
But it is necessary
So that we might open
To the thousand things

Did you ever feel like there is so much richness in every single moment, that you are about to explode if you take it all in? And did you ever feel, when stuck in your own head, in the usual thinking patterns, that all is drab and lifeless?
What makes the difference?

This morning, I was worried about my upcoming surgery. Worried about what might go wrong, and so on. I was so caught up in my thinking, that even though I was sitting in my beautiful garden, I noticed nothing but my fear. Then I remembered to be present, to come back to what's right in front of me. I noticed the purple dhalia in the picture; I noticed three tiny wasps buzzing around it. I noticed the hummingbird visiting my Rose of Sharon. In this state of presence, I forgot about my fears. It was only for a few moments, to be sure, before they returned, but, I felt at peace.

So the question is: am I those fears, or am I the presence I so briefly experienced? Right now, I think I'm both. And I think that's okay, as long as I remember that at any moment, I can choose.

Wishing you all moments of peace and presence, and always the remembering that we have choice.

Peace

A great day!

The girls and I had such a great day today. We went to a cafe in Mystic and then to the Fantastic Umbrella Factory in RI. 

I am so happy as you can see.

Only this

No perfection

Only beauty

No permanence

Only preciousness

No promises, no regrets

Only the undeniable here, now

Peace

Bloom

Through storms and sunny skies
She blooms

-rm

We all have gifts to share. We cannot wait for the perfect time or conditions, because there's no such thing. Whatever we have that can be of use, we must share now. Some of us are good listeners, some of us are teachers, some are skilled with their hands, some are great caretakers, and so on.

Some of us who are going through a hard time can use our experience to understand others who are going through the same thing and extend love and compassion to them. We can turn our hardship into our gift, helping us to ease the suffering of others, and our own too in the process.

Whatever our gifts, we must let them bloom. We share what we have not as a way to receive recognition, not as a way to compare or define ourselves relative to others. We share as a way to contribute our energy to the world, as a gift to the world, our own unique gift that nobody else can give, and as a way to help and be part of the whole. When we ask ourselves"Why am I here?" or "What is my purpose?", to me, this is it.

So bloom, beautiful people, and together we'll make a lovely field of flowers.

Peace

Whatever we're doing can be the practice

How fragile and how beautiful

This sense of self

Simply a construct

But one so deeply sown

Stretch out my friend

Right here in front of you

Is all that lies beyond

Seeing ourselves and others clearly brings only compassion. We must break the invisible bubble we have created around ourselves to protect and define ourselves, which only isolates and leads us to suffering. How? Mindfulness, awareness, presence. Practice. Practice! Whatever we're doing can be our practice. As long as we're present for it.

Who taught your heart to bloom? Can you feel it?

Wild flowers

Rare love

In transience we dwell

And still,

Forever you

The blooming of my heart

-rm

Peace

Understanding is loving

Nobody knows what your authentic self is
Including you
Take on the challenge of discovery
With a sense of glee and adventure
And know that you can never really know
But you can understand

-rm

You can never fully know, but you can understand.

What's the difference between knowledge and understanding? Knowledge is dry though useful, understanding is transformative.

Had a bit of fun coming up with the lines above this morning.

Been pondering a lot my place and my role since my illness. No hard answers yet, maybe never. Lots of fear about losing what I am and what I think I love, fear of illness or something else unexpected taking everything away.  Grieving and feeling for those who are facing loss of their lives, loss of their loved ones, fear, loneliness.

But also, unexpectedly: glimpses of clearing and illumination; an expansion beyond my previously narrow definitions. An appreciation of everything ordinary and mundane and a feeling of connection. An openness and a glee at being able to be here another day, stumbling about awkwardly and somehow beautifully at the same time.

Peace

We are

"Banish the word "struggle".
All we do now, must be done in a sacred manner, as a celebration.
For we are the ones we've been waiting for."

- paraphrased from Pema Chodron's teachings.

I love this teaching, and am so grateful for it.

We all have sacred work to do in service of each other and the world. To do this work is not a struggle but a great privilege. May we be able to come from a place of presence and awareness, with an open heart; may we be able to see clearly what is needed; and may we do our work in the world gladly and joyously, for we are the ones we've been waiting for.

The kind of work I'm talking about here is not showy or flashy. It may be your job, but it doesn't have to be. It can be the smallest act, the most mundane thing: cleaning someone's house, helping an animal out of the road, smiling at someone, saying a kind word to a stranger, and so on. What's important is HOW we do this work. How we approach it and each other: without expectations, with a sense of openness and gladness. Without resentment.

Let me know if you need anything 🙂

Peace

The seed

How we relate to each moment

Becomes the seed

For the rest of our lives

-rm

We may not have control over what each moment brings us. External conditions and circumstances make some moments pleasant, others not. But what we DO have control over is HOW WE RELATE to each moment. Do we reject, ignore, try to escape it? Do we accept it, remain present? Do we see what is, or do we try to delude ourselves with fantasies of what could be, would be, etc?

Remaining clearly present in the moment, regardless of how comfortable or uncomfortable it is, without spinning too much of a story about it, is a difficult but also simple and very important practice. Because how we relate with this moment plants the seed for our future moments.

If we deny and try to escape this present moment by imagining some fantasy about the future, we are sowing seeds for further dissatisfaction and suffering. If we can relate with this moment peacefully, simply and without taking it personally, we sow seeds of peace and understanding for future moments.

Our culture is built upon rejecting the current moment. We are conditioned to always want more, better, something different, something new. Advertisements would not work very well if we were taught to be content with what is. So, to learn to accept and be present with what is, rather than always hope for some escape, to learn to enjoy and accept ourselves as we are right now, that is very difficult in this culture and very unusual.

To learn to accept does not mean to become passive. Quite the opposite. To accept what is and where we find ourselves right now is the only basis for effective action. We cannot act in a constructive way for ourselves and others, unless we can see, understand, and accept what is happening right now.

The great thing is that when we can give ourselves, and each moment, this kind of acceptance, then we can also extend ourselves to others in a natural way. Acceptance and understanding are the basis for love and compassion.

Thank you for reading. I hope you found something useful here, as I share some things I learned from my own journey.

Peace

A beautiful day

A little video I made this morning of the ducks and my container garden.

https://youtu.be/XCoEWnFnmbM

And some pictures from an outing today with the girls and their friend, Emma. We went to Elizabeth park in Hartford, and then to Harvest Cafe in West Hartford.

Scary or comforting?

The scariest

Or perhaps the most comforting realization

Is that

Life Will Go On

Without us.

It's all in how we define ourselves

Where do I end

And where does everything else begin?

Empty of a separate self,

I am

The secret

The secret of happiness

Is to learn to enjoy

The ordinary

-rm

Rather than waiting for far off things to bring what we think will make us happy, practicing awareness of each moment can transform our perception of the ordinary into sincere appreciation and joy.

The practice

Upon this shaky ground

Of being

I step uncertainly;

In search of solid footing

I find there's no such thing.

The only path that rises up before me:

The practice

Of letting go

Of everything I ever thought I was

Of holding only love

Through every ordinary moment

Peace