I went through my teenage years and transitioned into
menstruation without much information or awareness. I did not understand at the
time that I was entering what could be either a powerful and beautiful phase in
a woman’s life (though one rarely lived that way), or one of carefully orchestrated,
centuries-old domination, now so ingrained that we hardly even notice it.
All I felt at the time was embarrassment and annoyance at
having to deal with cramps, bleeding, not being able to go swimming, etc.
Everywhere around me, advertisements and cultural norms were
relentlessly teaching me to be ashamed of
my fertility, and trying to sell me products to better hide it. Yet, these same
cultural norms, blatantly exploiting women’s fertility, were teaching me that I
was a sexual object, that that should be my highest aspiration and achievement,
and that my main role was to serve in that capacity.
My sexuality, as that of most young women (and men) was deliberately
exploited for profit. We were told what we should look like, act like,
aspire to, and what we had to buy in order to be deemed attractive and thus
valuable. And I, like many others, accepted it. I devoted much energy, time and money making myself adhere to standards of beauty and sexiness which were what I was told
I should aspire to as a woman.
Looking back on this period, I appreciate so much the
lessons that I’ve learned, and I plan to use these lessons now that I am at the
threshold of another major life transition: menopause.
The reason I decided to write this is because I am sick of
seeing menopause mentioned, if at all, only in negative terms, at best
medicalised terms, like it’s this horrible and embarrassing thing that’s going
to happen to us.
Take a moment and notice what your reaction is to the word
menopause. If you have any females in your life, whether your mother, daughter,
wife, sister, friend, coworker, this is a massive life change for them. And thus, possibly, for you. But we
don’t talk about it, because for most of us women, the word menopause brings
dread, shame and embarrassment. I’m not even sure what it brings up for men.
Most men I know, don’t talk about it, and if they do, it is to explain what’s
wrong with a woman.
Menopause is not
something to be mentioned in your typical company. Many women feel a desperate
loss associated with menopause: loss of fertility, attractiveness,
youthfulness. Loss of all those things that we were taught made us valuable. Without
these things, who will we be? What will be left for us to make us feel worthy?
If you do a search on menopause on the internet, the first things that come
up are symptoms and treatments. Menopause, as many other powerful life changes,
has been medicalised. If we talk about it at all in a conventional public
forum, it is as something to be “treated”, a medical problem. That in itself
brings a load of shame and dread with it. We are clearly told that something is
wrong with us. We are left with the sense that we don’t really want to talk
about it, that it’s unfortunate and depressing, and instead, let’s focus on
whatever the latest anti-aging product is out there, maybe we can buy a few
more years of making it look like we’re still young and sexy.
Well, this time, I don’t buy into it. I can honestly say that
I am looking forward to menopause. I see it as a time of freedom and clarity
and fun! Yes, definitely fun!
I expect it to be a powerful transformation in a positive
direction. I know that I will probably not love all the physical changes; but
that’s okay, because I can feel that what I am transitioning into is knowing
myself better, being kinder to and honoring myself and my imperfections, cutting
the bullshit, and not putting up with certain things anymore. Transitioning
into honoring the limited energy I have and the lessons I’ve learnt, and
putting them to use to serve in a way that is meaningful to me,
as opposed to following preset standards and doing what I’m told I should be
doing. There are no preset standards for being an empowered menopausal woman. So
we have to create them.
I will not miss being seen and treated as a sexual object,
even though, no doubt, I did get some benefits out of these things, and even
enjoyed them in some ways. I enjoyed being attractive and desirable, though I did not enjoy the aggressiveness, coercion and manipulation that came along with it in many instances.
But it is now time to enter a new stage, and this time, as
opposed to when I was a teenager, I am ready: I am entering with awareness and excitement.
I welcome this change, and I am ready to consciously move into it, and live it,
and make the best of its gifts.
~~~~
Gratitude to my daughter, Sena, for inspiring me and encouraging me to enter this new phase with confidence!
