Spring flowers and poems

Peace 

All need to be forgiven

What tears me up me the most

in the end 

Is not how others hurt me 

But rather,

How I hurt others 

How in my pain and blindness 

I hurt 

The one who sang to me 

She says:

All need to be 

Forgiven 

All I have and all I am is what I give

(Image: Pixabay)

This picture below kills me. I don't know its source, but I love how it portrays such intimate connection despite glaring differences.

Peace 

Sena was accepted at UCONN!

Sena received news yesterday that she was admitted to the Marine Sciences program, at UConn. She is very happy!! We all are.

She will start at UConn next September. She'll be only 15. Pretty crazy!

Peace 

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude

So many great things are happening! Last Tuesday, I was invited to Yellow Farm House in Stonington, CT, to sit on a panel and speak about Shundahai and my experience farming small scale. There were three other women on the panel, all of them amazing, as well as the incredible women chefs and staff from Oyster Club. I am truly honored and humbled to have been a part of this.

Check out this great article written about the event. I am in the second picture, sitting second from the left.

"While these women have found fulfillment in their work and in advocating for local, healthy eating, it hasn't been easy."

"Right now, we are scrapping for margins," Slattery said. "We are on the lowest income bracket that there is. We are happy, and fulfilled, and overworked and underpaid."

https://www.theday.com/article/20190403/NWS01/190409834

Environmental Leadership Awards Ceremony

This is where we are this morning:

Peace 

Another event tonight

I was asked what poems I recited on Sunday night. Here they are:

But first, a little context. The organizers of the event had asked me to read some of my poems as a way of letting people know something about myself and who I am. I was introduced at the beginning of the evening as a farmer, but other than that, the audience didn't know anything about me.

So, I read the first poem as a way of answering the question why I farm (the answer to which basically comes down to my connection to the Earth). The other two, I chose because they encapsulate my outlook in general, and as such they felt like a good way to introduce myself as a farmer and beyond.

I work for her

I work for her:
The one who feeds us, clothes us
Shelters us
The one who gives and gives again
The one we stand upon
Who's always here
The one that we came from
Who'll one day take us back
Giver of beauty
My source of strength
Of peace and inspiration
It's a great honor
To work for her

All you have and all you are

Forget about what you can get

Although it is not easy

Countless dollars, time, energy,

Have been spent to convince you

That if you only got

This house, this job, this haircut,

You’d finally be happy.

Don't waste your time.

Nothing you get will ever stay with you

The way you think it will.

But ask yourself,

What can I give?

Life has created us so we can contribute

To life.

Seek your fulfillment there.

What can you give?

Don't try to think of something awesome,

Just give whatever you can, openly,

In whichever way feels most natural to you.

And when you give:

Don't do it for something in return,

Nor thanks, nor recognition

Don't do it to change someone

Don't do it to prove anything

Do it because you want to,

Because you understand

That all you have and all you are,

Is what you give.

Start again

I've gathered this year's seeds

So I could plant

Next year's garden

However difficult the past has been

There's always something precious

To hold on to

One season to another

So we can start again

Tonight, I am going to speak on a panel at another event, organized by Yellow Farmhouse at Stone Acres Farm. Below is the description of the event. I'm excited about this one too, especially as the moderator is an anthropologist, and I still have a thing for anthropology!

Join us as we celebrate and learn from remarkable women who are growing and producing food in our region. Enjoy a farm-inspired cocktail and sample tastes from the land and the sea from women growers and chefs. Rachel Black, Professor of Anthropology at Connecticut College, will moderate a conversation with chefs and farmers as they talk about their inspiration and the future of women in the field.

Last night's "Women's Work" dinner and poetry reading at Oyster Club

I wanted to give you an update about last night's "Women's Work" event at Oyster Club.

First, I just want to say thank you to my parents, and everyone who supported and encouraged me. Sena, Aiyana and Ed helped me rehearse my speech, and several people on Facebook encouraged me in a very genuine way, such that as I drove to the event last night, even though I was alone and didn't know anyone other than the restaurant chefs, I didn't feel alone at all. I thought about all the people that helped me and wished me well, the people who care about me; and I thought about the reason and inspiration behind my poetry, and all my animal relations, the whales and pollinators, and knowing that I was doing a little bit for them; all this gave me a wonderful feeling of comfort and connection.

The event was amazing! It was a full house, and the food was like nothing I ever had before. There were 7 dishes total, each small and exquisite. Clearly, each  dish had much love and thought and preparation go into it. The tastes were indescribably layered and delightful, and in the end you felt full, but not overly so. There was a drink paired up with each dish, different wines and Bourbon and other alcoholic drinks, but I did not partake of that because I don't drink and have no tolerance for alcohol. It gets to me after one sip. It's not a principle or anything, I tried but never got into drinking, even a small amount, because it affects me so much and so quickly.

Anyway, I felt honored to be there, but somehow the atmosphere was also very down to earth and friendly, which is what makes Oyster Club so great - the fact that they can merge amazing quality and craftsmanship with a down-to-earth attitude.

As to my poetry reading, it went very well. I started with a brief introduction about myself as a farmer, and then moved into the poetry. I read three poems, and my whole thing lasted just over 4 minutes. There was a lot of applause and encouragement, and the nicest part was actually after I went back to my seat. People came up to me throughout the evening (the whole event lasted about 4 hours), and many said that my poems "spoke" to them, that they felt moved and connected with them. This is, for me, the best thing I can hear, because when I write, I have no idea if what I'm pouring out is relatable or not. What I write means a lot to me, and I really hope that it means something to someone else too, but I don't know that if I don't get any feedback.

So last night, people made me feel that yes, it was relatable, and that they felt personally touched. The women I sat next to, none of which I knew before this event, also encouraged me very much, and told me to keep writing, to make sure I make space for it every day in my life.

So that's it. I'm very grateful for the entire experience, and here are some pictures, although they're not great because of the low lighting:

This was the menu and a beautiful little booklet they put together with the stories of the women who contribute to Oyster Club.

Peace

Teach me that

Image: Pixabay.

Memories of Being 15

I was 15. My family had just moved to Canada.

At first, everything was incredible. All the abundance everywhere: in grocery stores, clothing stores, you could buy anything, any time. That was unbelievable to us, used to the scarcity of communist Romania. People had two cars per family and nobody thought that was a big deal. There were countless television channels to choose from and they were on all day and all night. In Romania, we had one, and it was only on for a couple of hours in the evening. I took in all this with awe for the first couple of months, but slowly, the magic faded off, and I began to pine for everything I didn't have any more.

I had lost all of my friends, my grandmothers, and all the social support I had other than my mom, dad and sister. I lost my language and all cultural reference points. I didn't speak English or French. Culturally and socially, I felt like a complete alien.

Soon after we arrived, my sister and I were required to enroll in "classe d'accueuil", which is french for "receiving class". This was a special class that all immigrants had to go to in order to learn French. I was with other kids from all around the world, all around my age. It could've been a really interesting experience, but I was too shell shocked to care for "interesting". I wanted normalcy, I wanted home.

At first, none of us kids could speak to each other, but slowly, as we learned French and English, we started being able to communicate. My sister and I made friends with two sisters from Afghanistan, who were around our age. They were really nice, and we got along really well. Culturally, I think we felt closer to them than anyone else. We could've become great friends, but we couldn't hang out much because we lived too far away from each other. In Romania, if you wanted to make friends, all you had to do is go out into the street, right there where you lived, and you'd start playing with whoever was there. All the kids played in the street. In Canada, this was a totally foreign concept. I remember going outside one day, and there was nobody, just my sister and I and cars driving by. It felt so strange, so empty. There were no other kids, not even pedestrians, and if anyone walked by they looked at us funny. So after that, we didn't try going out into the street anymore. We came from school and watched TV. Which was sad and lonely, but in the long run, TV was my best teacher for language, and also for cultural norms. I learned a lot from TV. One thing I learned was that if I wanted to make friends and have people like me, I needed to be pretty and skinny. And I wanted most of all to have friends again. I remembered all the friends I had left in Romania, how much fun we had, how I thought that was so normal, to be so close and have so much fun together, and how I lost it all.

In "classe d'accueuil", I also became friends with a Vietnamese boy. He was a lot older than the rest of us, maybe 19 or 20. He was very mild mannered, and nice. He came over to our apartment once to teach me how to cook Vietnamese rice. We couldn't communicate very well. His English was non existent and his French was bad. One time he and I went to an amusement park. I had never been to one before; we didn't have them in Romania. I don't know if he had ever been. We went on a roller coaster and I thought it would be more fun than it actually was. In the movies, everyone seemed to have so much fun on roller coasters, screaming and laughing. But we just went on the ride and sat kind of serious and then got off. I remember that he won a stuffed animal at one of the games and gave it to me. It was a big tiger and I really liked it. We didn't have fluffy big stuffed animals in Romania, and even though I was 15, I still liked it.

At this time, I had started dieting pretty hard. I felt that I needed to lose weight so that people would like me more. My Vietnamese friend asked me why I was so skinny. He said I was too skinny. I thought he didn't know what he was talking about, because he wasn't from this culture.

Another story from "classe d'accueuil" is about this other boy, Carlos. He was from Guatemala. He also seemed nice. I thought he liked me, because I caught him looking at me a few times. He didn't speak English or French, so we couldn't communicate. One day, he and his friend came over to me in class. Carlos seemed very shy, but his friend asked me if I thought that Carlos was "macho". I had never heard that word before, but I felt embarrassed to admit that I didn't know what it meant. From the way the boy asked me, I deduced that macho meant something bad. I liked Carlos, so I said that no, I didn't think he was macho. I said it very factually. I think Carlos' feelings were really hurt, and I didn't understand that until many years later. It's sad but also a bit funny.

The last story I remember from that receiving class happened with this Haitian girl. For some reason I never knew, she really didn't like me. One day, she called me a "bitch" in English. I didn't know what that meant. I went home and asked my dad. He said that it was a female dog. I thought, I wonder why she called me that. Then, my dad said that it was an insult, and I figured out the Haitian girl didn't like me. A few weeks or so later, she started picking on my sister. I really bothered me when people picked on my sister. My sister never hurt anyone, and was very shy and small. I was so upset, I physically attacked this girl. We had a fight and were separated. It was my 16th birthday. I went home and cried that this had happened on my birthday. I missed my friends and everything I had lost so much. I felt that I'd never fit in, in this new place, I'd never feel normal and happy again.

One image that came to my mind repeatedly in those days was of a plant that was dug up in one place and transplanted to another. I was that plant and I imagined myself withering away, not adapting to the new conditions. But as I found out many years later while farming, transplant shock is indeed common, and it may seem like a plant will not recover, but eventually, most do. They adapt to the new conditions and continue to grow.

To be continued....

Nervous and Excited

I want to share some news with you:

That five course dinner that I mentioned I was invited to this coming Sunday at Oyster Club, well, they asked me to do a poetry reading! They sold over 80 tickets for the event already, so that will be the size of the audience. This will be my first ever public poetry reading. I'm excited about it, and also nervous.

I picked my poems already, and have been practicing. It's a little ennerving to think about sharing such personal stuff with so many strangers. I wonder what it will be like. But I must admit it's fun thinking about it and getting ready.

Peace 

A year in a minute

A year in a minute: a compilation of last season at Shundahai. You can see the full video on our YouTube Shundahai Farm channel:

https://youtu.be/d7ML0eUW9hM

Girls

Taking Pride out on this beautiful day 

Sena was invited to join the honor society Phi Theta Kappa in recognition of her perfect academic achievement so far.

Peace 

March Video

Check out our latest video showing the farm, with all the animals and the veggies growing in the greenhouse.
https://youtu.be/lcE6-f7-4Sw

Memory and Home

Have you ever experienced how one good memory can be the source of so much strength, a refuge and reminder of that which is good and lovely in life?
We must be careful not to use memories as an escape from our lives; yet, if held with awareness, I do believe that good memories can become seeds for further growth and goodness, and a way for us to find our way home.
What is home? That, I think varies widely. For some it's a physical place or a community; for some it's a certain way of being in the world, a certain way of being within oneself and others; for some, it's a sense of safety and wholeness and rightness, etc.
But, whatever home means to you, may your cherished memories and your inner knowing guide you to it.

Peace

Bio and two questions

I was asked by Oyster Club to put together a (very) brief bio and answer two short questions, in preparation for the special five course meal they're giving next week to celebrate women in the local food economy.

So I thought it might be fun to share what I came up with. Here it is:

About me:

My name is Raluca Mocanu and for the past 10 years, I've been a farmer and owner at Shundahai Farm, in Mansfield, CT, alongside my husband and 2 daughters. My background is quite varied: I was born in Romania, moved to Canada at 14, then to the US at 27. I worked in Aerospace Engineering for 10 years before deciding to quit, and starting to farm, homestead, and homeschool my children. My farm is small, only 5 acres, but highly diversified. We grow fruits and vegetables, and also raise cows, chickens, ducks, and recently got a horse. Our farming methods are the most important part of our farm. We do not spray anything and aim to integrate soil, plants, animals and humans into a truly sustainable system. We sell our products both at our farm, and to wholesale customers such as Oyster Club and Fiddleheads Food Co-op.

Who inspired me as a woman in my industry?

A great inspiration to me has been Colette O’Neil, a grandmother in Ireland, who started off with a piece of land that had been abused and neglected, and within a few short years, single-highhandedly turned it into a healthy ecosystem, capable of supporting an incredible diversity of life.

What do I hope for the future females entering my field?

I hope that they find joy in farming, and that they find ways to cope with the relentless work and the stressful nature of trying to make a living off of farming. Most of all, I hope that they build a strong and meaningful connection with the land they work, realizing that the land will take care of them if they respect it and take care of it. Finally, I hope that they find ways to make farming sustainable in all ways, including financially.

Pride's cookies

All right, I know the picture below does not look in the least appetizing, to put it mildly.

However:
These are Pride's cookies (Pride is Aiyana's horse), made by Aiyana to celebrate his 24th birthday. She used molasses (a lot of it, hence the color), carrots, oats and flour. I'm pretty sure that they're way healthier than any cookies you can buy in the store (for humans too), and they're also so delicious that I could not help myself from stealing half a cookie tonight, although Aiyana explicitly warned me not to touch them. They are really good! Pride thought so too...

So Happy Birthday to Pride, and I hope that Aiyana will make these cookies again for MY birthday!

Peace

Happy Spring Equinox!!!

Happy spring to all!

I am feeling very grateful and moved today. I have much to be grateful for in my life. I am not perfect, and I am not always happy, but I feel loved, and I love, and I have beautiful people in my life. And that is enough.

Here are some crocuses coming up in front of the Willimantic Food Coop. I am always struck by how fragile these flowers are, and yet how tough and enduring. Every year they come out of the frozen, hard ground, sometimes in very inhospitable conditions, like rain and snow and freezing cold. Yet they keep coming up and showing themselves in all their beauty and tenderness, year after year, and to me, that is the epitome of courage and faith.

I wrote this little poem to celebrate the spring flowers in all of us, because I do believe that we also have inside ourselves something as beautiful and as fragile, and as enduring as they do:

Trust the unfolding that is YOU

And know that it will lead your way

Throughout the harshest times

I also want to say a special thank you to Sena, for our recent conversations. I feel that she is such a mature and beautiful person, and beside her outward actions, which are so easy to admire and praise, her inner landscape is also very beautiful. I feel very moved that she is willing to share that part of herself with me.

Peace

Holding the tension

As spoken by Mitya, one of the Karamazov brothers, describing the inner struggle behind his actions, which are now about to be publicly judged.

I love this passage, and how it brings out a fundamental theme in our lives, which is the sense of goodness, that yearning to be honorable, to act in a good way; and, the tension that inevitably arises when that sense is faced with the reality and limitations of our actions.

How to hold that tension is a huge question for me personally, as I'm sure it is for many others. Yet hold the tension we must, as in carrying it we have much to discover about ourselves and others.

Finally, I love how Mitya avows that we're all in this together: "all my life I've been doing filthy things like all of us". Thus, our pain and inner struggle become a source of connection and understanding each other, and it is here that the purpose of our suffering may lie.

Sena in the news

Good morning! Spring is coming. I hope you can get outside today, even for a few moments, and feel the spring in the air.

Here are a few articles that mention Sena recently. I know that my parents enjoy reading about her.

This one came out before the Youth Climate Strike, and describes the motivation behind it: http://dailycampus.com/stories/2019/3/14/youth-climate-march-to-be-held-in-hartford-on-friday

This is from NPR, and came out after the strike. There's audio at the top of the article and you can hear part of Sena's speech: https://www.wnpr.org/post/students-gather-hartford-demand-climate-action

And this is an article from a local town publication, which Sena found by accident while looking for something else. It commends Sena along with other young people for achieving a 4.0 GPA.

https://patch-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/patch.com/connecticut/mansfield/amp/27958116/around-campus-mansfield-college-students-1?amp_js_v=a2&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQCCAE%3D#referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fpatch.com%2Fconnecticut%2Fmansfield%2Faround-campus-mansfield-college-students-1

Peace 

Farmy pictures

Snowdrops

 Aiyana and Pride

Sensei, the rooster, and the other chickens

 Jacques checking out the milk and eggs from this morning.

Peace

Wild flowers blooming in forsaken places

Some people give their best 

And they are recognized within their lifetime 

Some give their best 

And they are recognized after their death 

Some give their best 

And no one ever knows about them 

Lightening flashes in the darkness 

Just for a moment

And then it's gone 

To keep giving your best 

No hope, no expectation 

These lovely fools 

The bravest of them all 

Wild flowers blooming in forsaken places 

My heroes 

Sena's video and pictures from the Youth Climate Strike in Hartford

Here's a link to the video of Sena's speech. She was the first to speak at the rally, and did a great job of bringing up the energy and setting the tone for the whole thing.

There was a wonderful turnout of youth and adults, demanding that elected officials take immediate action to stop climate change. This was a world wide youth strike, and it was great to take a part in it in Hartford. Very inspiring!

Look at all these beautiful people!

This collage is of Sena at the podium giving her speech; being interviewed by Fox News and by a local radio station; and sitting in the legislative building with other youths, speaking about next steps.

Peace

Authentic Guidance

Rare guidance from Marion Milner on how to find what you really want and what really makes you happy; how to distinguish your own voice amidst the cacophony of desires, expectations, fears, social media, etc., that may or may not be your own, yet mingle freely inside your head.

Warning: if you're looking for a short, easy, quick answer, or one that is guaranteed, this is not it. Yet, I feel that this is a shining guidelight on what is intrinsically an obscure, difficult path.

Be brave my friend, embark, though this path is not easy. And if you are afraid of failure, like me, remember that failure is a word, a concept. This is your journey, your unique, complex, all inclusive journey!

"I had also learnt how to know what I wanted; to know that this is not a simple matter of momentary decision, but that it needs a rigorous watching and fierce discipline, if the clamouring conflict of likes is to be welded into a single desire. It had taught me that my day-to-day personal “wants” were really the expression of deep underlying needs, though often the distorted expression because of the confusions of blind thinking. I had learnt that if I kept my thoughts still enough and looked beneath them, then I might sometimes know what was the real need, feel it like a child leaping in the womb, though so remotely that I might easily miss it when over-busy with purposes. Really, then, I had found that there was an intuitive sense of how to live. For I had been forced to the conclusion that there was more in the mind than just reason and blind thinking, if only you knew how to look for it; the unconscious part of my mind seemed to be definitely something more than a storehouse for the confusions and shames I dared not face.

[…]

It was only when I was actively passive, and content to wait and watch, that I really knew what I wanted.

...

Blind thinking… could make me pretend I was being true to myself when really I was only being true to an infantile fear and confusion of situations; and the more confused it was the more it would call to its aid a sense of conviction. Yet for all its parade there was as much in common between its certainties and the fundamental sense of my own happiness as between the windy flappings of a newspaper in the gutter and the poise of a hovering kestrel. And only by experience of both, by digging down deep enough and watching sincerely enough, could I be sure of recognizing the difference.

By keeping a diary of what made me happy I had discovered that happiness came when I was most widely aware. So I had finally come to the conclusion that my task was to become more and more aware, more and more understanding with an understanding that was not at all the same thing as intellectual comprehension…. Without understanding, I was at the mercy of blind habit; with understanding, I could develop my own rules for living and find out which of the conflicting exhortations of a changing civilization was appropriate to my needs. And, by finding that in order to be more and more aware I had to be more and more still, I had not only come to see through my own eyes instead of at second hand, but I had also finally come to discover what was the way of escape from the imprisoning island of my own self-consciousness."

Quote by Marion Milner, extracted from Maria Popova's incisive article which you can read in its entirety at:

https://brainpickings.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=13eb080d8a315477042e0d5b1&id=50c6b9783b&e=0dd27feeae

Peace 

Several exciting announcements

First of all, the flowers are starting to bloom. The earth is waking up! And the birds are coming back. I take so much joy in that!

Crocuses

Snowdrops

My geraniums are filled with blooms

My spunky Aiyana

And some upcoming events I'm pretty excited about:

• Friday 3/15, 12 to 2pm, Capitol Building in Hartford: Sena will be speaking in Hartford at a youth rally for climate change action. Please come and support the youth in Hartford and all around the world, in their demands that our leaders take immediate and drastic action to stop climate change.
• Monday 3/18: My poetry book, Fertile Ground: Beauty and Brokenness will be on display for two weeks at People's United Bank in Storrs (next to Starbucks), and available for purchase as well. All profits go to my Poetry For Pollinators Campaign.
• Sunday 3/31: I was invited to a 5 course diner at Oyster Club, for a special event celebrating women in farming and restaurant business. I don't think I've ever had a 5 course diner in my life, and Oyster Club knows how to do it too...
• Tuesday 4/2: I was invited to be on a three woman panel at a Yellow Farmhouse event (associated with Oyster Club and Stone Acres Farm). The topic is regional, sustainable food systems, and I will speak about my experience with sustainable, small scale farming. 
• Monday 4/22: I will be at the Willimatic Food Coop for the Earth Day Celebration. I will be there in the morning and early afternoon, selling my poetry book and educating people about pollinators as part of my my Poetry For Pollinators Campaign.
• At 6pm also on Monday 4/22: Sena and I will be speaking at Fiddleheads Food Co-op in honor of Earth Day. Sena will speak about reducing plastic garbage, and I will speak about different farming practices and what they mean for the co-op shopper. I will also give a short reading from my poetry book, and speak about my Poetry For Pollinators Campaign.

I am very excited about all this, and hope to see some of you at some of these public events (all of them are open to the public, except for the Oyster Club Diner on 3/31).

Peace

Latest barnyard video

I know my mom really enjoys these little videos. This is my latest, 5 minute long barnyard video:
https://youtu.be/57HIfEO7VCE

More gems from Dostoyevsky

This quote above is spoken by Alyosha, one of the three Karamazov brothers.

Rather than judge and affix permanent labels on ourselves and others, let's be generous and keep our minds open.

Many of us are driven in our actions by the pain we carry, and yet there's treasure within us, waiting to shine and be shared as we find peace.

I'm almost done with The Brothers Karamazov. How do you follow up a book like that? It's going to be hard...

By the way, if you're drawn to reading or rereading Dostoyevsky, I highly recommend Constance Garnett's translation. She also translated Tolstoy and Chekhov that I know of, and I think she's great.

Peace 

Look for the suffering behind the act

Image: Pixabay

Peace 

Bukowski: the impossibility of being human

Putting things in perspective the Bukowski way. This kills me and somehow comforts me at the same time. How can we be so doomed and redeemed by our own beauty at the same time?

Enjoy!

"Van Gogh writing his brother for paints

Hemingway testing his shotgun

Celine going broke as a doctor of medicine

the impossibility of being human

Villon expelled from Paris for being a thief

Faulkner drunk in the gutters of his town

the impossibility of being human

Burroughs killing his wife with a gun

Mailer stabbing his

the impossibility of being human

Maupassant going mad in a rowboat

Dostoyevsky lined up against a wall to be shot

Crane off the back of a boat into the propeller

the impossibility

Sylvia with her head in the oven like a baked potato

Harry Crosby leaping into that Black Sun

Lorca murdered in the road by Spanish troops

the impossibility

Artaud sitting on a madhouse bench

Chatterton drinking rat poison

Shakespeare a plagiarist

Beethoven with a horn stuck into his head against deafness

the impossibility the impossibility

Nietzsche gone totally mad

the impossibility of being human

all too human

this breathing

in and out

out and in

these punks

these cowards

these champions

these mad dogs of glory

moving this little bit of light toward us

impossibly."

Happy International Women's Day

Happy International Women's Day! May we respect and love ourselves and all others.

(image source: Pixabay)

Also, a small announcement: I resurrected Shundahai's Instagram page that our farm manager started back in 2016. Check it out if you'd like on IG, under shundahaifarm.

Peace 

That's how I am redeemed

Still. Always.


Peace 

Wholeness

As I get older, I find my focus shifting from perfectionism to curiosity and an interest in wholeness. Wholeness, as in exploring and understanding the different shades and facets of our human landscape.

Image: Pixabay

Dostoyevsky: continuing with the quotes

This first quote is spoken by Ivan to his brother, Alyosha.

Although Dostoyevsky wrote The Brothers Karamazov in the late 1800s, still, to this day we're struggling with the fundamental questions of how to love each other and how to forgive each other. There's much talk about love, and yet active love, real love is a very difficult practice for most of us. 

The quote below is spoken by the elder Zossima, and ties in well with the one above.

Whether you believe in hell or not, the suffering of being unable to open up and truly love another is real; however it can be temporary. We can use obstacles and difficulties, the messiness and confusion of life itself, and let them be our teachers and our practice in how to open ourselves to truly loving others. This may be the only meaningful goal. 

Peace 

For my dad

I love this analogy describing meditation practice, from Sharon Salzberg (and I also found that it applies to other things as well):

"Meditation is sometimes described this way: Imagine you’re trying to split a huge piece of wood with a small axe. You hit that piece of wood ninety-nine times and nothing happens. Then you hit it the hundredth time, and it splits open. You might wonder, after that hundredth whack, What did I do differently that time? Did I hold the axe differently; did I stand differently? Why did it work the hundredth time and not the other ninety-nine? But, of course, we needed all those earlier attempts to weaken the fiber of the wood. It doesn’t feel very good when we’re only on hit number thirty-four or thirty-five; it seems as if we aren’t making any progress at all. But we are, and not only because of the mechanical act of banging on the wood and weakening its fiber. What’s really transformative is our willingness to keep going, our openness to possibility, our patience, our effort, our humor, our growing self-knowledge, and the strength that we gain as we keep going. These intangible factors are the most vital to our success. In meditation practice, these elements are growing and deepening even when we’re sleepy, restless, bored, or anxious. They’re the qualities that move us toward transformation over time. They are what split open the wood, and the world."

Peace 

Beautiful

Certainly, there is lots of work shoveling all this snow, but look how beautiful it is!

Our wash station is covered 

And this old chicken coop and trailer...

Don't forget to see the beauty...

Peace 

Living questions

Life presents all of us with questions to which there are no easy answers. It's tempting to rush into an easy answer, or someone else's answer, anything to ease the discomfort of holding the question open within us.

Yet hold it we must, until the questions themselves bloom into the answers that make sense for us. Each season of our lives they will bloom, again and again in a living process that can never be fixed and pinned down forever.🐝

Image : Pixabay.

And my crops coming up in the greenhouse: spinach, arugula, lettuces and claytonia. Always so hopeful and inspiring to see these tiny sprouts come out of the ground.

Forgiveness

A few nights ago I had an insight: given how we're all constantly changing and doing our best with what we know at the time, how can there not be constant forgiveness?

One of my good friends told me that her son said to her: "You are the most forgiving person I know. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Indeed. I identify with that.

Is there a line between being forgiving or understanding and being weak? Is there a time and place to be more forceful and assertive? 

These are not one answer questions, but rather shifting with different situations and even within a situation, which is what makes them so hard.

I wrote this poem about my insight the other night:

The picture is one of our house plants.

Then, I came up on this beautiful passage in The Brothers Karamazov, by Dostoyevsky:

Peace 

"Martisor"!

In Romania, we had a beautiful custom called "Martisor", celebrating the first day of March. Snowdrops are symbolic of this day, as they are always the first flowers to bloom from under the snow, and as such, are harbingers of spring and hope!

On this day, many women in Romania receive little ornaments tied with a special red and white string only used on this occasion. When my sister and I were small, we used to pin all the little ornaments to our uniform, and we wore them all day, feeling really festive and special.

This tradition has many good memories for me, and even now I still feel my heart swell with hope and joy on March 1st, when I see snowdrops.

This is a snowdrop in our yard this morning:

Peace

Girls with horses

Some pictures from yesterday, and a little video of Aiyana riding Pride here:

https://youtu.be/rldRVUdl6Dg

Both Sena and Aiyana are wearing their karate uniforms. They're both second degree black belts now, and also instructors at their school. 




Peace