a beautiful day in Madison, CT

last saturday, at the end of the market, i really felt that it would be nice to get away and do something different for a day. i knew that if we stayed home on sunday, i'd probably end up working, or at the very least cooking and cleaning. so i suggested that we go to the ocean instead, and everyone agreed. on sunday morning, we had breakfast, i did some dishes, packed a few things for the beach, and we were off. we went to Madison, CT, to Hammonasset Beach, and it was amazing.

i hadn't seen the ocean yet this year. it was a wild windy day, and the sun was shining bright. the waves were crashing on shore, and the sound of water and wind combined drowned out everything else. i felt so happy, and light. it was just perfect, and i felt like this was all i needed. like this was enough. like i could just be with this forever. sometimes, these simple but powerful things are all i need to feel ready to deal with the rest of life again.

here are some pictures from the day:

sena and aiyana, looking at the water when we got there

 waves crashing on shore

 just hanging out: sena and aiyana playing in the sand, and ed cracking walnuts  from the tree in our driveway

there were very few people there. that's one reason i love to go to the beach out of season. it felt like we had all this beauty to ourselves.
at one point i thought that maybe we really are here just to witness this fierce beauty. if we do nothing else in life but that, i think it is enough.

another family picture

 aiyana and i on the dunes

there were a couple of guys surfing with a parachute. with the strong wind, they were going fast and it looked like a lot of fun.

i sat by myself for a while, while ed and the girls were flying their kite. this one gull kept hovering above and around me, sometimes only a couple of feet away. i said hi.

peace

last week it was aiyana's birthday. her name means "eternal blossom" and it fits her well. she is a very creative, sensitive, spunky little trouble maker, and we are crazy about her. sena is the reliable, responsible one, with an unshakable, innate sense of right and wrong. aiyana adds the spice, and makes us all laugh with her nuttiness. we're very lucky.

last week it was also my father's birthday. he turned 68, while aiyana turned 6. i'm a little surprised by both.

Happy Birthday!!!

 and here's a picture of us from the Willimantic Food CO-OP downtown fest last weekend.

the season is slowly but surely ending. out tomatoes, summer squashes and cucumbers are done. we still have hot weather crops like eggplant and peppers and beans, but they will be done soon enough too.
we harvested all of the winter squash already, and brought them in to cure. the potatoes are almost all harvested. the onions and garlic have been in storage for a while. our house and root cellar are getting filled with storage vegetables, and that is a nice feeling. we have yet to harvest the sweet potatoes - hopefully later this week.

we only have 4 weeks of CSA left, and are putting together our end-of-the-CSA survey, as well as an end of the season CSA party.

we're getting a new greenhouse, paid for by a grant from NRCS. ed will be putting it up later this fall, and we'll grow over-wintered crops in there.

i'm happy that the season is slowing down. we certainly need it. harvesting the summer crops was taking hours every day, and while we appreciate the bounty and are grateful for it, there comes a time when we're just tired and need some rest from it. that's one of the nice things about farming. things are always changing. you're never doing one thing for too long, just when you're starting to get weary of being in the greenhouse, for example, it's time to start planting outside. and just as you start feeling tired of so much daily harvesting, the seasons change and the plants die off.

we still have a lot to do, but the pace is slowing down. crazy, but we're already thinking about next season. we've got so many ideas, all very exciting, about which direction to take our farm in. i am finding that owning your own business is certainly stressfull and exhausing, but also really fun. you can do what you want, and be creative, and take it into any direction you want, and that is really exciting. so we'll be doing lots of thinking and planning over the winter....

i have to admit that as much as i look forward to some rest, i am anxious about things slowing down too much. i really need to be outside every day, and i notice that when i'm inside even for a few hours at a time, i get grumpy and feel lethargic. but thank god for the greenhouse, i can be doing something in there no matter what it's like outside, and it's almost just as good.

speaking of slowing down, sena and aiyana and i are going on a day trip to new york city in december. i am really looking forward to that. it will be a great end-of-the-season treat!

peace

today we worked on getting the ground ready for a cover crop. it's a beautiful day, sunny and cool. i feel really good that we're taking care of our soil with the cover crop. after everything it's given us, planing a cover crop for overwinter feels like the least we can do....

in the afternoon, i got some coffee and chocolate, and went to pick up the kids from my sister's, and i heard the foo fighters on the radio. that was a treat! the foo fighters are great after coffee and chocolate.

peace

since the last post:

ed got two deer, and the fence is up again, so we haven't had any more deer damage;
we've had the best market ever last week;
i've been listening to leonard cohen's live in london whenever i have a chance (that means whenever i'm alone in the house, which is not very often);
i've gone on a 20 min drive to a doctor appointment, all the way to manchester, wich is the longest drive i've had in a while, and realized that i really don't like highways that much, and that my lifestyle is just a lot slower now, and that i'm glad i'm not in the rat race anymore, with all its crazyness and stress and futility. i missed being home doing what i do, even though that's no easy thing either, and it deffinitely has its own stress.

last week one of our CSA members was telling her husband about ed, how he used to be a dealer at the casino, and hating it, and how he later lived the cubicle life in a corporate job. her husband interrupted her, confused, and said : "you mean the barefoot guy with the onions?". he had just met ed once, when he was peeling onions.
i like that description.

pretty challenging week so far. our electric fence was down for about a week, because the charger unit broke and it took that long for the new one to arrive. in the meantime, deer started coming into our fiold and damaging crops. every morning we wake up to find more carrots topped, more beets pulled out of the ground and topped, more stuff trampled all over. it's very upsetting. ed's been out patrolling, and seeing them, but not close enough to get them with bow and arrow. the fence is up again now, but the deer got used to coming in and have realized that getting shocked is not that bad. we have to get rid of them. ed's not getting any sleep and i'm afraid that if this doesn't end soon he'll get sick, plus we'll lose significant crops. so if you think that deer are cute and love feeding them in your back yard, please consider this, and also think about how rampant lyme disease is, and how dangerous, and how deer are carriers....

on a different topic, we're behind with planting, because of the weather being so wet over the past weeks. today we were all ready to go, and then the tiller broke. hope we can get it running again soon, bc there's not much time left for the fall planting we were planning.

despite these issues, in general we're doing well. we seem to have been only mildly set back by the crazy rainfall we had recently, and we still have plenty of crops for the CSA, so all is going well there. we're still very busy although the season is starting to slow a little, which is about time. i'm looking forward to some time with the children, and some down time in general in the winter...

peace

we lost power in the storm we had last weekend, so for two days we cooked outside on our antique wood cookstove, which we found in the house when we moved. it worked great and we all loved it. the kids were very disappointed when the power came back...i would love to get a wood cookstove for our house, to cook on and heat our home in the winter. here are ed and the kids getting ready for dinner.

 aiyana

 relaxing outside, after a shower

 our winter squash patch before the storm. it got beaten up a little, but overall it's still fine.

 the CSA table this week. the red peppers are coming in heavy.

 with our friend and farming mentor, Nicu.

some people mistake the heirloom tomatoes for pomegranates. some weigh almost 2lbs...

peace

quite a week

we had an earthquake on tuesday, which we didn't feel, but lots of our CSA customers told us about.
and a hurricane, which turned out to be more of a bad storm, on sunday. we lost power, and had some damage in the field, but nothing devastating. so i'm relieved and grateful. we are going to have our CSA as ususal this week, and although our crops are set back somewhat, hopefuly they'll recover quickly.
it's gorgeous outside right now, and i am feeling good.
peace

Peak

Feeling raw. Things are at the peak just about now. Peak of production in the field, peak of demand on us, and it’s interesting to hold everything in balance. Things are going very well with our CSA, market and our production in general, and I am grateful! But you do have to keep moving, stay on top of everything – not much time for rest at this time of year. It really is amazing. 

I know that I will miss the intensity and the abundance once it’s over, but I do long for a little time of silence and rest. Last night as I lay in bed on my way to sleep, my gaze fell casually on the massive maple by the window. The black-blue sky and bright moon were glowing through its branches. My mind was full of thoughts up to that point, but something about the tree made it stop and for a moment I felt completely open and at peace. I long for that.

But in the meantime, here's to the abundance and heat of summer:

This was yesterday at the market

 And these were taken at the CSA, at our farm

 peace

whale watching in Plymouth, Ma

we had such a good time yesterday! i can't believe how much fun sena and aiyana are to hang out with. they like to do the same things as i do, and they're really well behaved, so it's like being with two good friends. we saw so many whales - according to the people on the boat, it was one of the best trips they've had. there were 30 whales all around us doing different things, spoutning, breaching, rolling, slapping their tales. it was very impressive, but i was a concerned about them, because i thought that there were too many boats aroud: about 3-4 large ones, and 3-4 smaller private ones.

we were at Stellewagen bang, a famous feeding grounds for humpback whales. sena knew all about it. the biologist onboard was very impressed with sena's knowledge and involvement on whales. she talked to us on and off the whole trip, asking sena about her public service announcements on the radio, about her booth at the famers' market, and the kind of info she's distributing on whales, about her involvement with Cetacean Society International, and so on.

i wish we had had more time to spend in plymouth, a lovely little seaport town. but we had enough to find a great cafe, with home-made bread and granola, and great coffee. we had lunch there, and met the baker, a native american cherokee who spoke to us for a while about his grandfather and his tribe.

it really was a beautiful day. i didn't even think about the farm at all, which is pretty much unheard of!
here are some pictures:

peace

question hydroponics.
ask your farmer how they grow their food. is it grown in real, living soil, is it grown using hydroponic methods (basically substituting a solution with nutrients in it for soil), is it grown using pesticides, etc. just ask the questions, and figure out what answers are acceptable for you. that's the best way to ensure accountability on the part of the people who grow your feed. and put your money where your values lie.

record week for sales! wow, that feels good!

tomorrow Sena, Aiyana and i are going on a whale watch in Massachusetts. we're very excited. they're really fun to hang out with. i can't wait to go!

at the saturday market

this week was definitely intense. not only the heat, but ed hurt his back, doing the work we do and pushing himself as he does. so he could not do much of anything, and he was not even supposed to sit or stand for any sgnificant period of time. this made things very difficult, because we're at peak season pretty much and there are so many things to do every day. i also didn't feel well - my stomach was hurting on and off and i was feeling nauseous. I think it was a bug of some sort. it was very hard with both of us hurting like that, and in retrospect we should have called it vacation week, and take time to recover. but we didn't and i did my best to keep things going.

fortunately i had much welcome help too. on CSA days, there's no way i could do all the picking and washing alone, and i had three friends come and help in turns, and we got it all done. also, on friday, the garlic really needed to be pulled out of the ground, sorted and hung up to dry. this is a big task, with all the garlic we have, but five of our CSA members volunteered to help, and they got it all done. it was a little garlic party, and i missed most of it because i was out in the field doing the planting for the week, but i am so grateful for their help.

my sister and ed's mom were also very helpful this week, taking our veges and making meals for us, because we had no time or energy for cooking.

so even though it was quite a challenge, we made it through, and even better, it showed us how much people care about us and what we're doing.

at the CSA this week, we had some very positive and inspiring feedback. multiple people commented, on separate occasions, that after a hard day of work dealing with whatever'sthey have to deal with, coming to our farm is a reward and relief, a little bit of sanity. people have been thanking us for being here, doing what's we're doing, saying how much they appreciate our work, and this feels very good to hear.

last monday, a young man stopped by our farm unexpectedly, and i gave him a tour and spoke to him for a while, (a break from garlic prep), and i later heard that he was very moved and inspired. it's nice to know that we have a positive effect on people sometimes.


peace

family day

things are really busy right now. we can barely keep up. actually we can't and it feels like we're constantly one or two weeks behind schedule. the weather has been amazing for growing, and that means for weeds too. so there's lots of weeding; we're still planting pretty heavy every week, so there's bed prep and everything to do with that. our crops have been coming in beautiful and very plentiful, so every day there's hours of harvesting to do. squashes and cucumbers take  a couple of hours for harvesting, then there are raspberries, and now the tomatoes are coming in...

so there's lots to do. but we are really grateful for all this beautiful food, and our market and CSA are going very well. our vegetables look beautiful and taste great, and seem to be very productive. we've been eating everything fresh every day. the raspberries are just so delicious, and such a treat right now. and fried squash and cucumber salad have been a daily thing, since they came out a couple of weeks ago. my sister's back from vacation and started taking our veges and cooking for us again. what a relief! i've been juicing carrots and beets, and i'm loving the juice. it's fresh and invigorating.

what else? one of my friends and i are trading veges for house cleaning. what a difference it makes to have a nice clean house to come to after the market on saturday!

for the past 2 weeks, we've been going to this sweet little river for family day. there's nobody ever there but us, and it's so sweet. the girls love playing in the river, while ed and i just hang out, and try not to do anything productive.

peace

urban farming

urban farming is something i think is really cool. it makes so much sense! people in cities are so dependent on the global supermarket system, which is unsustainable, unstable, and in general not something you want to be totally dependent on. there are ways to grow your own food, or at least part of it, even in cities, and it can be fun and rewarding. we had someone visit from new york city, and she was involved with farming there, and she was telling me of this one farm that started on what used to be a tennis court. they brought in a lot of soil and poured it right on top of the concrete and started growing food. sure, you won't be growing daikon radish there for a while, but there's a whole bunch of other things, like lettuce, tomatoes, cukes, and so much more, that will grow just fine. other city people are doing roof-top gardens, or converting backyards, and park spaces and other community spaces into beautiful, productive land. i am very excited about this. we also had a woman from boston visit, and she's involved with an urban farming project (i think it's the boston food project), and she was describing how beneficial it has been for people there to be a part of this.
apparently there's quite a bit of urban farming going on in montreal as well, and i would love to visit some of the spots where this is happening next time i'm there.

so to my city friends, i strongly encourage you to find out what's going on in your neighborhood, and get involved in, or start something yourself if there's nothing going on yet. it will be very rewarding, and you really don't need a lot of land to grow a decent amount of food. i'm thinking of my parents' neighborhood in brossard. they have a small park in front of their house, which is mostly lawn (what a waste), and baseball field. i guess people find it nice to hang out, but it would be even nicer if it were converted to a garden, where people could do something useful, and spend time outside together. you can grow enough food there to feed a small neighborhood. it could be very beautiful, with just a little creativity and lots of work.

i think this will be happening more and more. it's got to, with the inherent instability and unsustainability of our current global food system. people everywhere are realizing that it makes more sense, and it's more secure, to grow food in your own neighborhood, than to have it shipped from thousands of miles away. there's more accountability in it, and it's better for your health, not to mention the earth.

so get out and start doing something,
peace

cohen

been listening to cohen's "the future" over and over. i love his music, and i find that his songs speak very well to our beautiful, terrible, heartbreaking human condition. at this point, they truly reach me. "closing time" kills me every time i hear it; it makes me laugh when he says "the johnny walker wisdom's running high", because we actually have a very good friend named johnny walker (he's the carpenter who built our house with ed), and he is wise.

other favorite lyrics, from different songs:

baby let's get married,
we've been alone too long
let's be alone together,
let's see if we're that strong

or, one of my all time favorites:

ring the bell that still can ring,
forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that's how the light gets in


yesterday ed and i went out for lunch to this cafe that's supposed to be really good, and everyone was there showing off and looking cool; brought to mind the lyrics: "the maestro says it's mozart, but it feels like bubblegum". felt applicable in a way. "when you're waiting for the miracle".

other than that:
last week we had record sales, which is very encouraging. our crops are coming in very well, despite the unstable weather. so much so, that we actually reopened the CSA and had more people from our waiting list join for the rest of the season. we have enough to supply everyone at this point. we're also noticing consistent improvement in the quality of the crops, which i think is related in great part to all the work we've been doing to improve soil health (ammendments, fish and seaweed, foliar feeding, paying attention to soil bilogy, compost, etc.). so things are good, and i'm in the field humming cohen.

peace

rainy

These days are really busy. There’s so much to do in the field - harvesting, planting, weeding, and so on. And then there’s cooking and keeping the house somewhat reasonable (which I’m mostly failing at). We’re dealing with so many people every day, especially on market and CSA days. Although it’s all very rewarding, it’s also extremely demanding, physically and emotionally. Ed and I often feel edgy because we’re working with so many things that need attention at the same time. It’s part of having your own business: keeping it all on track, remembering everything, dealing with all the details, plus the physical work. So when I have a minute to myself, which is really not that often at all during the busy months, I like to just be silent, just be in the field and sit and be quiet. That feels really nice. Sometimes, if I have energy, I like to listen to music, or read poetry. But it’s got to be something I really connect with, otherwise, it doesn’t feel worth my time. Last Friday it was raining and Ed and I were both thinking there were all these things to do that we can’t usually do when it’s nice out. But we were both so tired… so we gave ourselves permission to just do nothing. It was hard to let go at first, but once we did it was nice. I ended up lying in bed and reading poems by Eminescu, the most famous Romanian poet. They made me cry, which is what I needed, and then I felt better, and I went to the field and picked turnips.

pics and another story

first some pics of us over the last two weeks. the last one was last weekend when we ordered indian food and had a lovely picnic in our field. it was the most relaxing meal i've had in a long time.

and now the latest story:

This week, we had a deer come to our field every night, damaging the crops. She got in through the electric fence, and she kept coming night after night despite our efforts to chase her away. Ed threw stones at her and chased her out one night. Another night, he slept in the field, near the beet patch that she had been eating, and was not able to see her, but after he came back in the house, around 2am, she came and caused more damage. Every morning, we’d wake up and find a third of a beet bed all chewed up, the strawberry plants topped off, carrots chewed up, spinach, etc. It was really upsetting. All that work…We have a crop damage permit, which means that we can hunt the deer that are causing crop damage. But we knew that she had just had a baby, and we really didn’t want to harm her, just wanted to chase her out and make her stay away. But after 5 nights of trying different things, and having her come back regardless of what we did, ed went out with his bow and arrow and got her. We were both very upset about it, and it was not an easy choice. We gave her to our friends, who are going to eat the meat. I got a little bit of meat for myself. I figured the best way to honor her would be to eat some of her meat, so that she can become part of me in some way. It’s a really hard thing, taking a life. And I’m not ok with it, it really bothers me, even when it’s an insect that I squish, that’s eating our plants, or a rodent we catch in a trap, or this deer. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth doing this, if this is the price we have to pay. But I know that no matter what food you eat, wether you’re vegetarian or not, the price almost always entails a life. Some people would rather not think about it, but I think that the least we can do for these creatures that sacrifice their lives for us is to acknowledge it, and be aware.

I really hope no more deer come in. We’re working to improve our fence for that…

peace

No more complaints about the weather. It’s been warm and sunny after all that rain, and everything’s been growing really well. We had our first strawberries this morning, and they were incredibly delicious! Looking forward to more…

The peas are flowering, the garlic is already producing scapes, our cherry tomato plants are fruiting, and the eggplant blossoms are getting ready to open. The damage to the onions seems to have ceased. Things are good. Of course with all the rain and then heat and sun, the weeds have taken off as well, but that’s ok, I like weeding. I also saw some ladybugs around, and I think they’re taking care of the aphid problem.
I guess some people are reading my blog, because recently I’ve met people I didn’t know, telling me that they like it, and seeming to know a lot about our farm from it. Two people actually felt inspired and are considering getting into farming themselves. I’m very happy that I can share what farming life is like for me, and that people find it interesting. But I do want to put a word of warning out as well.
I guess my nature is to dwell on the positive, and maybe because of that I give an unrealistic picture of things. In any case, the one cautionary thing I want to say about farming is that you cannot do it for money, and you cannot be thinking about money too much; maybe this is not true for everyone, but it is for us and other farmers I know. And it is especially true when you first get into farming. If you’ve got debt or other major money issues, farming may not be a good idea. It generates barely enough to scrape by, and if you’re happy with that, like we are, that’s great. If you can live with minimum income, without wanting too many things, without worrying about paying the rent, or the mortgage, or whatever, then it can work. But if you do have any of these concerns, then I think that the money part of farming is too little and too unpredictable, at least in the beginning. I know I’d be a nervous wreck if I had to worry about debt, for instance. Ed and I are really lucky because we had well-paying engineering jobs before farming, and we were able to save some money and buy our land with it. That was huge, and I don’t know how else we would’ve been able to get started. We’re also really lucky that we just don’t spend much, so we can get by on very little. We buy food from the co-op, and pay our taxes and other mandatory bills. We almost never go “shopping” (I got that out of me in my 20’s, I think). We do have considerable farming expenses however, and are working to lower them. Some of these farming expenses are actually investments in our soil and in our farm, and will benefit us greatly in the future, as we’ve already seen.

In any case, I don’t want to discourage anyone, just maybe paint a more realistic picture of what farming entails: it’s a lot of work, very little money, and the best way I can sum it up is with a quote from Mother Theresa. I read that someone once said to her: “I would not do what you’re doing for a million dollars”, to which she replied: “Me neither”. I don’t dare suggest any likeness between us and Mother Theresa, it’s just the quote that came to mind.

So it’s not the money. You just have to love it and really want it. There’s got to be some major force drawing you to it, and for me it’s the freedom, the beauty of life unfolding in front of me, and the spiritual connection.

Please take this for what it’s worth to you, and realize that it’s based only on my experience and on my perception of other farmers around here; things may look different for someone else, somewhere else, but I wanted to share this anyway.

Peace.

difficult week for farming

been dealing with lots of stuff over the past week.
the weather has been pretty terrible, for farming purposes at least. rainy and cold. we got over 5 inches of rain in one week, which is a lot. some of our farmer friends have lost crops like summer squashes, cucumbers, spinach and radishes to name a few, to standing water in the field. we are very fotunate, and have had no standing water, still everything is wet and cold and we have not been able to plant anything in these kinds of conditions. so we're behind in planting, and the crops that are already in the field are just sitting there, not growing. the sun has barely been out last week, and that's what they're waiting for.

all this rain is washing the nutrients right out of the soil, and it's also encouraging all kinds of molds to develop.
in the greenhouse, my plants are getting too big, and waiting to be transplanted in the ground, as soon as we can work it again.

with all the weather related stress they've gone through, we're starting to see some insect problems as well in the greenhouse plants. the eggplants and peppers have aphids, and the peppers seem to be particularly affected. their leaves are curling and yellowing, and i don't like it at all. i spent hours hunched over them, going through each leaf by hand, squashing the aphids. if i could put them outside, the ladybugs wold come and get rid of the aphids, but i haven't even seen any ladybugs yet, maybe also due to the weather.

for more worries in the greenhouse, our 2 beds of early tomatoes were looking beautiful, but yesterday i found 3 plants with cutworm damage, so i spent quite some time putting collars around the base of each plant to prevent further damage.

with all this going on, i am constantly challenged not to get overwhelmed by anxiety. i have to keep reminding myself that, like my friend alice said, this is so much bigger than all of us. she meant that we're dealing with life, and there's only so much we can control (not very much at all). i have to keep reminding myself to just do my best, and let go. also, i need to remind myself to stop, so that i can spend time with my kids. working for yourself is wonderful in many ways, but it can really take over your whole life if you let it. there's always something else to be done, and i'm struggling with the discipline of stopping when i've done enough. with the CSA, i feel particularly committed to having good crops for people, and that can easily translate into anxiety, especially at times like these, when things are difficult. so it's a challenge, but i do need to let go of all my expectation, and humble myself to the fact that despite my best efforts, the results are unknown. fortunately, despite the challenges,  i'm actually loving this lifestyle, and would not trade its raw uncertainty for the illusion of "security" that an office job or something like that may provide.

when i get overwhelmed with thoughts like "what if my peppers die? etc, i also like to remind myself of a favorite quote" keep going, there's nowhere to go". of course.

well, that's enough for now. back to the greenhouse, squashing aphids...
peace

aiyana in the newspaper

last thursday, a photojournalist from the hartford courant, the largest newspaper in connecticut, stopped by our farm unannounced. he spent about 2 hours taking pictures of us doing our work and everything else we do. he talked to us for a while, and said he'd like to come back for more pictures and an interview. the next morning, our neighbor came by and told us that aiyana was in the newspaper. we could not believe how fast he turned it around.
check it out here.

it's lovely out there

i love being in the field around 6pm. the sun casts everything in a lovely soft light. took these pictures a couple of evenings ago:
lettuces

 peas

 strawberries, just planted, our greenhouse on the left, and poplars on the edge of the field

 aiyana with her little patch of garden. she and sena planted sunflowers in the greenhouse a month or so ago, and then they tranplanted in the ground last week. they've been watering and taking care of them.
 aiyana also got two pets yesterday, two cocoons i found in the ground when prepping some beds. they're probably cutworms, or corn borer, insects we don't want around, so i was going to squish them, but aiyana wants to keep them and watch them hatch, so she put them in a container with some food and water, and she's watching them. i'm so glad that my kids get to be outside, doing these things.

peace

it's right on the edge now. getting really busy, and it could be almost overwhelming, but it's not quite. we're keeping everything together, and the weather has been cooperating, and we've had no major setbacks.

we had our first outdoor market of the season on saturday, and it started raining and thundering right as we set up.the market was dead, and we had spent all morning picking and prepping vegetables. that always feels hard. but the rain stopped eventually and the hard-core custommers still came, and we did ok. came back with some veges, and gave them to the soup kitchen. the CSA is much better in that respect. we always know how much to pick and people come rain or shine.

we have four volunteers at our farm, and they come once a week each. they're people who love to be outside, and all have excellent work ethic. they enjoy being here and they're helping us a lot. mostly it's people who are more experienced that ed and i, and we're learning a lot from them. we are very grateful.

this past sunday we started family day again. that means that on that one day we try not to do anything other than spend time together. it's hard - there always seems to be so much that absolutely needs to be done, but we have to discipline ourselves so that we don't burn out, and more importantly so that we can spend some relax time with the kids. yesterday was very simple and low key, and it was just what we all needed. we went to the park, where sena and aiyana rode their bikes, then in the afternoon, ed went out with sena and i rode my bike to the cafe with aiayana. it was really nice.

it's so beautiful outside these days. the sky is blue, everything is blooming and the air smells sweet. it's a nice time to be.

peace

my onions

you know my onions, the ones i started in february and took care of daily in the greenhouse until mid april, and then spent all that time transplanting in the ground? well, they were looking great for the first two weeks in the ground, and then i noticed one wilted mid last week, and then a couple more, until last sunday half a bed (out of a total of nine beds) was wilted and looking dead. ed and i went out there and dug some up to see what's going on. we found these tiny maggots, which it turns out are the larval stage of the onion fly. the maggots tunnel through the bulbs of onions, including tiny seedlings, which they damage and kill. we never had these maggots before. bryan thinks that maybe our compost was not finished well enough, and it ended up causing an imbalance in the soil and attracting the flies, which then laid eggs, out of which hatched the maggots. i also heard that with all that snow we had last winter, the ground never really froze that much, and a lot of insects that would otherwise be winter-killed were not. we're certainly seeing that with ticks, there are so many more this year than in others.

in any case, this whole onion thing, i was so upset on sunday, could not stop thinking about it. i have no idea what's going to be happening to the rest of them, i went out there and checked again monday morning and saw a few more dead. i gave them a little fish and seaweed to try to strengthen them, but there's not much hope. i just kept thinking of all the work that went into them so far, not to mention the fact that i cannot start another crop for this year at this point, it's way too late. so we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
i guess this is just part of farming, but one that's still very hard for me to swallow. things do not always go as i wish, of course, regardless of the time and care and love and all that i put into it.

one thing that helped yesterday as i worked on planting strawberries while thinking of the onions, was shifting my thinking from a "working against" to a "working with" pattern. like instead of working against the bugs and other things that may harm the plants, i thought that if i instead feel myself working as part of the whole, then things would just seem lighter, and easier, even though it would not really change what i actually do. just a slight mental shift...i'm still working on it.
peace

teepee

sena's been really enjoying the book "grandfather" by tom brown. she is really interested in survival skills, and Native American lifestyles of the past. she's been working on a fire drill, trying to make fire, and she's looking for ways to make arrowheads. she also worked on making a teepee for two days straight, but it kept falling down and she got very frustrated. fortunately, grampa came to her help and they built a beautiful, sturdy teepee. the girls love it and have been plaing in it a lot. it is right by the side of our new field, where we will start planting this coming week.

 sena, aiyana and julia spent almost all day on friday playing in the teepee.

 peace

the greenhouse

i've been working in the greenhouse, transplanting peppers, eggplants, tomatoes, and still have a long way to go before they're done. but things are looking really good and i bring my radio and listen to whus if they have music i like on. it's one of the very few times i get to listen to music uninterrupted, and i like it.

Quote from "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

first time of the day i go out into the field, i feel so elated. it always strikes me how beautiful it is. the birds are singing, and all i see is green, growing, budding, alive. it's such a joyful feeling....
but it fades pretty quickly, as it gives rise to thoughts of what needs to get done today, as i start noticing what needs to get hoed, weeded, uncovered, watered, etc, etc.
but that first time, when the mind is still relatively empty, is very inspiring. this morning, i told ed that if i were a stranger to this place and just walked upon it one day, i would surely think that this is paradise.

my friend shared this poem from "The Soul of Rumi" with me:

Prayer is an Egg
On Resurrection Day God will say, “What did you do with
the strength and energy
your food I gave you on earth? How did you use your eyes?
What did you make with
your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?
I gave you hands and feet
as tools for preparing the ground for planting. Did you,
in the health I gave,
do the plowing?” You will not be able to stand when you
hear those questions. You
will bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory. God
will say, “Lift
your head and answer the questions.” Your head will rise
a little, then slump
again. “Look at me! Tell what you’ve done.” You try,
but you fall back flat
as a snake. “I want every detail. Say!” Eventually you
will be able to get to
a sitting position. “Be plain and clear. I have given you
such gifts. What did
you do with them?” You turn to the right looking to the
prophets for help, as
though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life. Help me
out of this! They
will answer, those kings, “The time for helping is past.
The plow stands there in
the field. You should have used it.” Then you turn to
the left, where your family
is, and they will say, “Don’t look at us! This conversation
is between you and your
creator.” Then you pray the prayer that is the essence
of every ritual: God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds. You are my first and
last and only refuge.
Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head
up and down. Prayer is an egg.
Hatch out the total helplessness inside.