Can't catch the rabbit

Every morning, when I go out to milk my cow, I walk by a thick bush on my way to the pasture. For many days, I walked by it focused on the work ahead, without noticing anything. Then, one evening, Ed told me that a rabbit is always standing there near the bush.

The next morning, I forgot about the rabbit and walked by the bush without paying attention, as usual. But on my way back, after the milking, I remembered the rabbit and started looking for it. Sure enough, there it was, right by the bush, and when it saw me looking, it ran into the bush.

There were a few more mornings like that, forgetting and then remembering, and each time I’d look, the rabbit was always there, but then, as I went towards it, it ran into the thickness of the bush.

One day, I stopped and started talking to it, knowing that it was right there in the bush, very close to me, though I couldn’t see it.

Today, I was on a long drive, and I was thinking about this rabbit. There’s something very comforting to me in knowing that it’s always there on the path. Whether I’m paying attention to it or not.

It struck me that there’s a certain quality I’ve felt in meditation, and sometimes in gardening, sometimes just before falling asleep, etc., that reminds me of this rabbit; something quiet and permanent and elusive.  I don’t have the perfect name for it, but some words that come to mind are: joy, beauty, a deep, underlying sense of peace and goodness.

Just like I didn’t notice the rabbit all those times I was walking right by it, we often do not notice the joy and beauty and goodness in our life, though they are always there. There are times when we decide to actively pursue, or purposely go looking for these qualities. Whether it’s on vacation, some form of entertainment, or some special type of activity, we chase down things that we hope will fulfill us and bring us peace and happiness. But often, we find that these qualities cannot be chased; they elude us, hiding out of sight, just like the rabbit did every time I purposely looked for it.

What the rabbit helped me realize is that maybe all we need to do is walk whatever path we’re already on right now, but just do so with awareness. Because at the edge of that path, there are joy, beauty, goodness, silently standing by – we just need to be aware that they’re there. We don’t need to make a special effort to chase them down, in fact, that effort will not work. Just going about our business with presence and awareness that these qualities we so desperately want are already there – that’s all we need to do.

Driving home after a hectic workday today, I did not feel joy or happiness. I felt drained and exhausted and kind of empty. But I pictured the rabbit standing at the edge of the path, and that was enough. Without trying to change anything, without needing to change anything, I kept driving. 

There have been many times in the past when feeling empty and tired made me feel guilty and frustrated, adding to my exhaustion the weight of judgments such as“ I should not be feeling like this, I should be happy”.  I should try to catch the rabbit.

The difference today was that I realized that I don’t need to catch it. I don’t need to make it mine. I just need to remember that it’s there.

Peace