Sad

I had a hard day today. I felt off, sad and low the whole day. Then I was going to go to the bank around midday, and I got in the car and started backing up and ran over mama duck. 

She was resting in the shade under the car and I never saw her. I only saw her in the rear view mirror as I was driving away, and I got out of the car right away. She was messed up really bad, trying to stand and flapping her wings. Daddy duck came over to her right away and was sniffing her, but she just fell over and died. He kept trying to preen her feathers and eventually he just lay down next to her. It was all so sad, and made so much worse that it was my fault. Also I knew that Aiyana would be super sad since they are her ducks.

Ed was really nice and came home and we just hung out watching daddy duck trying to bring mama back. Aiyana was really sad as expected. Sena too, we texted her and she called to talk to me and try to make me feel better. My sister and nieces were very supportive too. My sister found a friend who has another female Muskovy duck and we will get her tomorrow for daddy duck. He needs a companion and hopefully he'll get along with the new female.

I just keep picturing mama duck and how messed up she was when she came out from under the car, and daddy duck doing everything he could to bring her back and then just laying there with her, and it kills me that I'm the one responsible, and that maybe if I had been more aware and less self centered on whatever was going on with me, this could have been avoided. Hopefully I've learned my lesson today.

Peace