difficult week for farming

been dealing with lots of stuff over the past week.
the weather has been pretty terrible, for farming purposes at least. rainy and cold. we got over 5 inches of rain in one week, which is a lot. some of our farmer friends have lost crops like summer squashes, cucumbers, spinach and radishes to name a few, to standing water in the field. we are very fotunate, and have had no standing water, still everything is wet and cold and we have not been able to plant anything in these kinds of conditions. so we're behind in planting, and the crops that are already in the field are just sitting there, not growing. the sun has barely been out last week, and that's what they're waiting for.

all this rain is washing the nutrients right out of the soil, and it's also encouraging all kinds of molds to develop.
in the greenhouse, my plants are getting too big, and waiting to be transplanted in the ground, as soon as we can work it again.

with all the weather related stress they've gone through, we're starting to see some insect problems as well in the greenhouse plants. the eggplants and peppers have aphids, and the peppers seem to be particularly affected. their leaves are curling and yellowing, and i don't like it at all. i spent hours hunched over them, going through each leaf by hand, squashing the aphids. if i could put them outside, the ladybugs wold come and get rid of the aphids, but i haven't even seen any ladybugs yet, maybe also due to the weather.

for more worries in the greenhouse, our 2 beds of early tomatoes were looking beautiful, but yesterday i found 3 plants with cutworm damage, so i spent quite some time putting collars around the base of each plant to prevent further damage.

with all this going on, i am constantly challenged not to get overwhelmed by anxiety. i have to keep reminding myself that, like my friend alice said, this is so much bigger than all of us. she meant that we're dealing with life, and there's only so much we can control (not very much at all). i have to keep reminding myself to just do my best, and let go. also, i need to remind myself to stop, so that i can spend time with my kids. working for yourself is wonderful in many ways, but it can really take over your whole life if you let it. there's always something else to be done, and i'm struggling with the discipline of stopping when i've done enough. with the CSA, i feel particularly committed to having good crops for people, and that can easily translate into anxiety, especially at times like these, when things are difficult. so it's a challenge, but i do need to let go of all my expectation, and humble myself to the fact that despite my best efforts, the results are unknown. fortunately, despite the challenges,  i'm actually loving this lifestyle, and would not trade its raw uncertainty for the illusion of "security" that an office job or something like that may provide.

when i get overwhelmed with thoughts like "what if my peppers die? etc, i also like to remind myself of a favorite quote" keep going, there's nowhere to go". of course.

well, that's enough for now. back to the greenhouse, squashing aphids...
peace