mamaia's birthday

last sunday was mamaia's birthday. on saturday, roxi and julia came to my house, and we had a little celebration for her. i arranged some pics of mamaia and us on the table, lit a candle, and we had tea out of the cups she gave us (she had those cups as long as i can remember, she got them as a wedding gift). roxi, julia and i hung out and reminisced about mamaia; we talked about all sorts of other things as well; it was very low key and nice.

i still can't really grasp that she's gone. one very insightful friend told me a while ago that her absence would hit me the hardest at unexpected times. he was right. mostly i don't think of her as being gone, i very much feel that she's still in my life. but once in a while, it hits me that she's gone forever, and with her a huge part of my childhood, and hence a big part of me. that's when it's the hardest. she, my sister and i shared so much together, and now that she's no longer here to remember with us, it's almost as if what we shared is no longer real. it's hard to grasp all these feelings...