the other side of innocence

some part of me aches with the knowledge of my children, all children, losing their innocence, purity, openness, their acceptance of themselves and others... it's part of living in the world.
i can already see it happening with some of sena's friends. slowly and imperceptibly at first, they start to talk and act in a certain way that they think is more grown-up like, and already they seem jaded and worn out. not that i believe in sheltering children. i celebrate the world and its grittiness; i enjoy throwing myself at it with open arms, but still, it's sad....

on the other hand, i think that if you want to know beauty in life, if you want to live and know it intimately, you can't shelter yourself from suffering. i don't think my children really understand beauty now, because for them, everything is beautiful. they have no reference point, no division. their hearts are so open, how could anthing be otherwise?
me, on the other hand, i've lied and been lied to, i've been deceitful and been deceived, i've hurt people and i've been hurt; and on the other side of these things, i found grace, and came to know about beauty. it's the separation from the bliss and certainly we are born with that causes us suffering, but that same separation, for me, is the only way to beauty.

yesterday, i was comforting a friend who's going through a hard time with her boyfriend. they've separated, and she doesn't know whether they'll be together again or not. she's so in love with him.... and she's heart-broken. some of our other friends think that she should stop thinking about him, and are mad at him for not treating her right (they broke up when she was sick with lyme disease). but i know that she can't stop thinking of him. i know how she feels, i've been there. there was nothing i could do for her, or anyone can do for her right now, except maybe listen and let her share what she needs to.

one thing i wanted to tell her was to treasure this time. even though it's hard to be with these feelings, even though she's crying and yearning for some resolution, this time is precious and beautiful; i told her that she'll be happy again, whether things turn out the way she wants them to or not; now the feelings are too intense, but some day she'll be able to look back on this and feel grateful for having experienced it. she'll love it because it's a precious part of her life, which brought her closer to truth. at least that's been my experience.