in montreal

i just had a great shower, long, and without any kid interruptions. what a treat!
my mom is watching sena and aiyana downstairs, and they're all very happy playing, dancing, drawing, etc.

we're in montreal, and i am very excited.

we had a great drive up here yesterday. although it didn't start so well, things worked out in the end. i found out at the very beginning of our trip, that the car DVD player i rented from the library was deffective. i was expecting lots of disappointed crying and fussing from the kids, and a very long drive. but, happily, i was wrong. they were amazingly understanding when they saw me try to make it work, to no avail. i told them that we'd watch their movies at buca's house in montreal, and they accepted it without any fussing. since we got here, they've been so interested in everything else, that they forgot all about the movies...

the drive took about 5.5hrs, with only one major stop. sena and aiyana entertained themselves with singing and story-telling; bird watching was also a big pass-time. we saw hawks, red-tailed hawks mostly; we saw one being chased and pecked at by two crows, which the kids really enjoyed. the most exciting sighting was a bald eagle. we saw it in vermont, in the southern part, and it was exciting because bald eagles are not so common in these areas. i never saw one in connecticut (ed did though), but i did see lots of them in Washington state, on the west coast, a few years back.

all in all, i was very pleasantly surprised by how well our trip went. it was also quite beautiful - i don't drive here so often anymore (about twice a year), so i forget how beautiful the landscape is, especially in vermont. the way the highway meanders through the mountains, and little things like the bare trees on the side of the road, are very special to me.

i realized, while driving and musing, that for me, the beauty of winter lays mostly in what is not revealed; but rather in what i know is present, hidden, waiting to emerge when time is right. the trees for example, are bare at this time of year, and they look dead. the life they embody is hidden deep inside - it's only a potential; yet in not so long, these same trees will bud, and leaves will open. they will attract birds, insects, and all kind of animal life. they will be vibrantly alive, and thinking of that makes me happy.

i love the cycles of nature, and how they reveal themselves in all living things, myself included. it used to be that when i felt drab and bleak and hopeless, i thought that something was wrong with me; i usually jumped on the first thing that promised relief (often getting myself in trouble); i'm a little more aware now, i have more experience and feel more in touch with Life and Nature; so i know that often, feeling dead and hopeless, is just one part of the cycle. when i feel this way now, i try to draw inwards, see if there are any things i need to shed or let go of; and recognize if there are any things that are trying to emerge, allowing them to do so. often, what seems like a dead end, is only a renewal.

i actually went through this not long ago, in december and part of january. it seems to be coming to an end now, just as spring is on its way (groundhog day tomorrow, don't forget); i can feel new seeds of hope and possibility sprout inside of me, just as i know they are deep inside the frozen ground...

peace