post-montreal blues

it's been a long time i didn't get these, but i have to admit that i'm under a spell of post-montreal blues. not for the city itself, but for the people that i still feel strongly connected to there.

i was in montreal thursday through sunday last week. drove up on thursday, which went well, considering that it was just me and the little ones. i had borrowed a car dvd player from the library (my sister's suggestion), and it came in very handy. plug them in, as ed loves to say... well, it works...

on friday, i spent a couple of hrs by myself. went downtown and drove around trying to find parking, no easy task. found a spot near le faubourg, then walked around some, and sat in a Second Cup reading and writing. i felt like a stranger in the city. people seemed cold and disconnected. nobody looked each other in the eyes, esp. as they're walking on the street. i felt alienated from the whole thing. but it was still interesting to sit and observe...

saturday was a whole different story. finally the city came to life again, in my heart. i felt connected to it, and that was because i got to see my friends. it was so nice to feel that closeness again. saturday was a great day, i didn't want it to end.

on suday, we drove back home. i tried not to feel sad about leaving mtl, but i could not help it. the drive went well again, but i found that my mind was distracted, and it was hard to focus on the kids. i felt like when i crossed the US/Canada border, i also had to cross a border in my heart: my old life, of a single woman, versus my new life, as a mother, etc. or something like that. of course it's not so well defined, this border, the spaces mix and bleed into each other...

on my drive back, i was moved by the realization of how supportive my parents are trying to be. my mom really tried to give me time alone, knowing how much i need it. so she (and my dad) took the kids as much as possible, and encouraged me to go out and have fun. my dad also tried to help in his way: he cooked breakfast for us while i packed my stuff on sunday, he cleaned my car (it really needed it), and checked the oil; and basically he tried to assist with any practical thing that needed to be done.

i feel so grateful for my family and friends.

peace!