Happy 21st birthday, Sena!

I am beyond blown away and humbled by this incredible human! She's so compassionate and caring about the wellbeing of others; she's a fighter, fierce, intelligent, and well spoken. She's an amazing climber, a supportive sister and friend, and so much more. Just a beautiful human overall. I am so incredibly lucky to be able to be by your side for a bit!

Happiest birthday, Seni! Love forever 

Peace

Midlife realization

We get trapped in these roles, these expectations we place on ourselves and others, and those that others place on us. At first, these roles and expectations are useful and necessary: they help us make sense of the world and provide a structure to navigate it. They give us a way to define ourselves, to understand who we are and how we fit into the larger picture. But over time, if we’re not mindful, these same patterns and mindsets can harden, becoming a carapace, a shell that confines us, a prison wall that keeps us locked inside.

I've seen this dynamic play out in myself and others. 

Our world begins to shrink. It becomes small and limited, and often lonely. We get stuck, living worm out scripts, unaware that we can rewrite them. Often, we don't realize that we can break free, or if we do, we're afraid to go there. 

But, it might be helpful to consider that the structures we once needed no longer serve us or others, and beyond those walls is something vast and alive.

This doesn't mean that the world outside is painless. Despite what we've been taught, especially by capitalist, consumerist culture, the world is not there to make us feel good or cater to our needs. Yet, it’s also not as terrifying as we often imagine. This realization can bring quite a bit of freedom. There's an excitement in tearing down walls, stepping into the openness with curiosity instead of fear.

A powerful form of love is connecting with what's out there —the small joys, the beauty and the struggles; the ordinary and extraordinary—and adding our own small touch to it, our genuine effort to make it just a little bit kinder, a little gentler. As we do this, we become freer, and the world itself a little less heavy. 

I hope that you're all good, and I hope that this is relatable in some way. Thank you for reading.

Good bye good boy Bunchie !

Today was a hard day. Our cat Bunchie became paralyzed in the morning. I took him to the vet and they diagnosed thrombosis, ie. a blood clot blocking his arteries, as well as developing heart failure. Apparently this can happen all of a sudden in cats, and the prognosis is not good, so we decided it was best to put him down. I was holding him in my arms and speaking with him and petting him as the doctor gave him the anesthetic. He seemed relaxed and at ease, and I think he had a peaceful transition.

He was 13. I'm really grateful that we were able to give him a good life on the farm, and a peaceful transition today, but I'm still really sad that he's gone and all that's left are our memories of him.

He loved to come sleep on our lap. Here, he's taken over my physics equation sheets a few years ago, haha.

I'm really going to miss him, and I know that the girls will as well. He was a big part of their lives growing up.

I'm also grateful for one last lesson he taught me today, about love and dying. Even though I was crying in the car afterwards, I felt kind of happy at the same time, knowing that I was able to be there for him, hold him, play some nice music for both of us on the way to the vet, letting him know he's not alone.

When I brought him back home, before burying him, I laid him down in the sun on the bench where he sat with me on sunny mornings when I drink my coffee. We sat listening to the birds one last time. Sun, birds, someone you love. Life is pretty simple when viewed this way. And it's also really hard and complicated, which is why it's so important to be there for each other.

Good bye, Bunches! Rest in Peace