Well, I do

2017 has been very hard for some people. We lost many to physical and mental illness, suicide, war, violence, loneliness, etc. May we find ways, in 2018 and beyond, to live together peacefully, help each other, and feel more genuinely connected to each other and the earth.

For myself, I want to give thanks for being here another year, and for all the beauty and abundance I have received. Also for the difficult lessons I learned. I pray for the earth and all of us living on it. And I hope to find ways to be of use and share whatever gifts I may have.

"Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do"

- Linkin Park (RIP Chester Bennington)

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?”

-John Keats

Dream your dreams and own them.

 

(painting by Susan Seddon Boulet)

 

Get out of your own way

"I can help you, but it's your fight, your fight"

Heard this new U2 song in the car yesterday, as we drove back to CT, and I loved it right away. I've been listening to it, and it kills me every time.

Bono said that we preach what we most need to hear. Isn't that so damn true? I always preach the words that I wish someone would say to me.

I think I'll make this song my anthem for 2018.

Here are the full lyrics:

Get out of your own way, hey, hey
Get out of your own way, hey, hey

Love hurts
Now you look out, who's left with no words?
Your heart's a balloon, but then it bursts
It doesn't take a cannon, just a pin
Your skin's not covering
And resistance
Love has got to fight for its existence
The enemy has armies of assistance
The amorist, the glamorous, the kiss
A fist, listen to this, oh

Get out of your own way, oh, I
Get out of your own way, oh, I

I could sing it to you all night, all night
If I could, I'd make it alright, alright
Nothing's stopping you except what's inside
I can help you, but it's your fight, your fight

Fight back
Don't take it lyin' down, you got to bite back
The face of liberty's starting to crack
She had a plan up until she got smacked in the mouth
And it all went south
Like freedom
The slaves are lookin' for someone to lead them
The master's lookin' for someone to need him
The promised land is there for those who need it most
And Lincoln's ghost said

Get out of your own way, oh, I
Get out of your own way, oh, I

I could sing it to you all night, all night
If I could, I'd make it alright, alright
Nothing's stopping you except what's inside
I can help you, but it's your fight, your fight

Get out of your own way
Get out of your own way

Get out of your own way
Get out of your own way
Get out of your own way

Blessed are the arrogant
For there is the kingdom of their own company
Blessed are the superstars
For the magnificence in their light
We understand better our own insignificance
Blessed are the filthy rich
For you can only truly own what you give away
Like your pain

Romania

I've been going through some of my parents' albums from Romania and I thought it would be fun to share a few pictures.

My first birthday party, with my mom and dad.

Also at one, with my mom and cousin 

Christmas at my cousins' house. I was about 4, second from left.

About 6 years old, in first grade, second from left.

Not sure how old I was here, playing with my sister and cousin. I'm the one riding on the handlebars. Always thought that was fun.

Last Christmas in Romania, spent at my cousins' house, as we did every year. I was second from right, almost 14, Sena's age.

14 was a very significant age for me. My life changed dramatically as we moved to Canada.

From Montreal

Annual family picture. From left to right, top row: my mom, me, my sister Roxi and her eldest daughter Julia. Bottom row from left: Aiyana, Sena and my nieces Lucy and Stella. Off to the right, my dad.

It's very cold outside, -4F and getting colder, but fiercely sunny and clear. The girls and I went skating. They liked it, but only stayed out there for about 45 minutes. Me, I stayed behind and kept skating. I could've kept going in circles over that skating rink over and over. It felt so good to breathe that cold air, and the freedom of gliding on the ice, very good for clearing the head and casting a bright shine on everything.

Truth heals

I do believe that.
Sometimes, it's hard to know what the truth is, amid the jumble of thoughts and feelings we have inside ourselves. But other times, we really do know the truth, even though we'd rather not admit it. Some people honor the truth by getting out of toxic relationships; some, by leaving jobs; some by standing up for causes that may have negative consequences for their safety or their social standing, etc.

Truth is often inconvenient. And it huts. And it has fearful implications. There can be so many angles to a situation, so many people to consider. But, nonetheless, admitting the truth, to oneself and others, often brings with it relief. Have you experienced that? And even though it the short run, the implications of telling the truth can be dire, I do believe that telling the truth heals us and the ones around us, eventually.

But before I go on too long with this, what I really want to say is thank you to those among us who have the courage to face the truth of a difficult situation, and the consequences. Thank you for giving hope to the rest of us, and may you find healing along your path.

Here's to standing in the light:

El Rio de Luz, by Frederic Edwin Church

Happy birthday to Sena

14 years old, this amazing girl, and I feel privileged to be a part of her life 

Thank you

Today, as the light begins to get stronger, I want to give thanks to you, who are putting your own light out there in one way or another. You, who are opening your heart, in beauty and in pain. Whether you're helping a friend, a family member, an animal, a stranger; whether you're helping few or many, in your immediate surroundings or far away, thank you so much!

“What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.” ~ Jane Goodall

Solstice

In the darkness that prevails at this time of the year, may we find rest, healing and love. May we find resolution and clarity. May we rise healthy and renewed.

Whether you yourself are grieving for some loss, or you know someone else who is, and you want to be able to be with them in a compassionate way, here are some useful tips on how we can support each other, especially during the holiday season, which can be extra tough for some people.

Hemingway, from For Whom The Bell Tolls:

"There's no one thing that's true. It's all true."

"Who do you suppose has it easier? Ones with religion or just taking it straight? It comforts them very much but we know there is nothing to fear." 

Do you ever have those moments when you realize that truly, there is nothing to fear? I do. And then, there are those other moments, many of them, when I fear everything.

Peace

2nd degree black belt

Sena got her 2nd degree black belt a few weeks ago.

This is a 29 second video of the form she performed at the black belt ceremony. She is so powerful, in many ways. May she continue to use that power in a good way.

Peace

The illness of Antiochus

At this time of year, I like to get into reading, history, art history, knitting - indoorsy things like that. I saw this painting on an Instagram site I follow, and wanted to share it. I love how you can look at a piece of art, like this one, and be drawn to it, and then follow it to discover its story. It's like it pulls you in a different realm.

or Stratonice and Antiochus, by Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres

Indoors

Winter evening with candles and a book (trying to break the Hemingway addiction- my sister recommended this)

Chrtistmas cactus in bloom.

Afternoon light and wreath made by Aiyana

When, in giving,

you and the other are both enriched,

rather than diminished;

When not to give

of what you are and what you have

hurts more than anything,

That's how you know.

Mixed

Our day in NYC was one of mixed feelings. On one hand, it could've been so much fun and so merry, and it kind of was. Sena's meeting at NRDC went really well, and then we went to the Winter Village at Bryant Park, which was just beautiful. The Grand Central Station Market was also amazing, and we got to eat some good food and visit a cheese shop that I wanted to go to for a year.

But the whole day everything was tainted by a feeling of sadness and fear, due to the attempted suicide bombing incident that happened in the morning near Times Square. It's just so disturbing how much these things are happening now, and how our political leaders are still addressing the effects not the causes. Anyway, the girls and I did try to have a good time, and we also took some nice pictures.

I pray for those who live in places where there's fear and violence, and also for those in power, and those out of power, who are so misled that they keep resorting to violence to address whatever wrongs they see in the world.

We took the train from new Haven to Grand Central Station in the morning.

Grand Central Market, where we sat down for a bite to eat and heard about what happened

Murray's Cheese Shop at Grand Central Market

 Walking to NRDC

 Bryant Park Winter Village

Peace

NYC

The girls and I took the train to NYC this morning for a meeting that Sena has with NRDC

First snow

It's so beautiful out today with the fresh snow that fell last night.

Omeo and his mama, Oshi. The calves, Omeo and Juliette, experienced their first snow today. They were so fun to watch, tentatively trying to walk on it, and checking it out.

Sena with the 2 wheels of cheese I made this week. Today I'm making a third.

Moses says hello

Peace

Boulet and The Fray

Beautiful imagery and a song. Both bring me comfort when I feel like I'm getting lost.

Susan Seddon Boulet


I want to memorize the words to this song. They may have religious meaning, or they may be about love; in the end, isn't that the same?

The Fray - Be still

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you

And colors you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I'm with you

And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said

Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley

And the shadow comes down from the hill

If morning never comes to be

Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know I am

December video

As you know, I've been making little videos in an attempt to show people what's happening on a small family farm like ours throughout the seasons. In the past, people told me that they do not have the chance to come out and visit a farm, although they might want to, so I thought that this would be a replacement. I also hope to share and encourage a feeling of connection with the land and a little understanding of how food is produced in a no-spray system like ours.

All my videos are on the Shundahai Farm YouTube channel.
And this is the latest, December video. It shows what's going on in the field and with the animals, as well as what's in our root cellar and other storage areas. The storage areas are where we keep the fruits, vegetables, meat and cheese that feed us and the animals overwinter. I also give a small recap of how this year went after the big change of Ed getting an off-farm job.

Right now, this is what I have to give that may be of value to someone else, so if you're drawn to any of it, thank you and I hope you enjoy.

Peace

Copy of drawing

Aiyana likes to draw, and last night I sat with her and did a little drawing too. I can only draw if I look at somebody else's work and try to replicate it, which is what I did here. I copied this from Susan Seddon Boulet, whom I love. This is her amazing original, which I think is named Visioning. But I called my copy In Dreams because that's what it is to me.

"Did I dream this belief

Or did I believe this dream"

-Peter Gabriel, I grieve

Merry

I've always liked Christmas lights and the feeling of cosines at this time of the year.
Uconn decorates a beautiful tree on campus around this time of the year. It's a big oak, right by Mirror Lake, and they put lights all over it, and it's so pretty, shining there in the dark. It reminds me a little of the Tree of Souls, from Avatar, one of my favorite movies ever. Usually I avoid driving through campus because of traffic, but at Christmas, I purposely drive that way so I can see the lights.

Sena and Aiyana decorated our farm sign. Isn't it sweet?

On Sunday, Sena, Aiyana and I went out on the town. They wanted to buy me a gift for Christmas, which they did while I discreetly waited somewhere out of sight, and we bought a few other little things, and then we went to Dog Lane Cafe for lunch. We only go shopping like this once a year, so it's a special treat when we do, and the whole day is a lot of fun.
A cup of mocha, and next to it the purse I just finished crocheting.

 Sena and Aiyana sharing an insanely rich chocolate smoothie.

They bought me this gift, which I don't know what's inside, and they say it is not that big, but I guess the lady at the register packed it in a huge box because she didn't have anything else, so Sena and Aiyana were doubled down in laughter when they came out of the store. We could not even properly fit it in the trunk of the car, which is where we took this scenic picture.

Peace

Klimt - one of my favorites

I had a dream like night. There was a beautiful gold background color in it, a little bit like in these paintings.

Tree of life




This is the first painting I ever knew by Klimt, introduced to it by my friend Larissa when I was about 19. The kiss

Peace